I'm in a relationship with a guy, we've been together around 6 months and now we're getting comfortable and it's lovely. I've always considered myself straight or mostly straight. I don't think you're totally set either way but i just can't orgasm with him.
By myself i masterbate fine but i do have to close my eyes and really concentrate on an image and generally when i do, the imagine is of women touching themselves. It's the same with porn, i watch women squirt or masterbate, not lesbians and i've no desire to touch or have sex with that woman. I take pleasure out of her pleasure and the fact she's orgasming and that it's not fake like most porn.
I've rationalised in my head but i'm worried to tell my boyfriend incase it hurts his feelings or gives him any doubt in my feelings for him but i feel like if i don't, i may never orgasm with him.
If he understood maybe we could work out a system. Am i wrong?
I'm the same, straight but watching the women in porn turns me on. It's actually very common for straight women. I think you need to stop stressing and pressuring yourself. Once you relax and stop worrying about orgasms you'll be even more comfortable with your OH. :)
When I watch porn I tend to spend most of the time looking at the woman even though I'm straight. I think it's because I'm imagining being in her place and feeling what she's feeling. I sometimes have to fantasise about certain things in order to orgasm even while having sex with my husband. Don't worry about it, sounds like you're pretty normal to me:)
Hello. I have just had a chat with my oh about you situation and I agree with most of the above and so just relax and given time it will come together for you. My oh half would just like to say that when we watch porn for him it's not about the cum shot but it is about the pleasure they both get.
Hello, i bought my wife some group sex porn as i thought they may be nice... and naughty, for example 2 or 3 men with one girl. it wasnt for here and a while later she brought some female based porn which included female masturbation. she much prefers that so i would say your not the only one. she/we dont watch it a great deal but it does help sometimes.
Porn sites are the best sex education I ever received. Great to get new ideas and see the diversity and situations people try. Wouldn't worry about it and find things which float your boat and hopefully your partner can share aswell. Good Luck :-)
I could give you some longwinded advice here, but it basically comes down to two things:
-women are a lot softer on the eyes (literally, all those curves and squishy bits)
-women like to see women, because women know what they're doing to themselves.
There's little I hate more porn wise than the cliche man-centric porn. It's just not enjoyable.
Talk to your OH about it. As said, 6 months isn't that long, and this isn't exactly uncommon either. He's probably not going to mind having porn or cams on some of the time whilst you have sex; experimenting with toys is never a bad idea either, because sometimes, despite all the emotional mushy connection stuff about sex, a penis just doesn't quite cut it.
Whatever you think of is perfectly great. Sometimes I think of women, sometimes men I know, sometimes men I don't know, sometimes hubby.
I don't think about who I'm going to think about, it just happens or is a mixture of all. Nothing is wrong, it's escapism.
6 months is still very early days in your new relationship, don't forget to tell him what else he could do to help you on your way. it's good to give a bit of direction rather than lay there afterwards feeling unfulfilled.
Well, saying you won't ever be able to orgasm with him unless you can watch another woman getting off is not likely to go down well. Telling him you like watching women won't hurt his feelings, but telling him you need to in order to get off despite what he is doing probably will. Do you really think your porn preferences are the issue here?
I think it has a lot more to do that you're conditioned to orgasm in a very specific way, ie it only happens when you are masturbating, fantasising and concentrating very hard on you. There is nothing wrong with that, btw! But it does seem to me that that is what is causing your problem; you aren't able to switch everything else off and focus on you because there is another person involved, another person who is breaking your concentration by doing other things and who I assume you do look at rather than having your eyes closed, and so because of that you aren't able to relax into orgasm. Sure, watching porn while having sex with him may help, but it's not very likely to solve the issue. Watching the woman in your head may help too, but it will distract you from him. I think it's just something you'll have to adjust to, you could help yourself along by mixing up the way you masturbate (don't fantasise at all, fantasise about him instead, keep your eyes open while your mind wanders, use photos of him etc etc) so you learn that it's ok to orgasm when it isn't just you, your eyes closed and that sexy woman. Do something a little different everytime. Touch a little differently, imagine a little differently, concentrate a little less. And don't put pressure on yourself; it takes time to be able to orgasm with a new partner :)
I really empathise with this as I've been in a relationship with a man for 7 years now but am pretty much exclusively attracted to women. In my situation, it was tricky at first to talk openly with my partner about this because it felt as though it would hurt him or devalue our relationship. My main advice would be to communicate as openly as you can, being clear about what your feelings are, but also focusing on the things that you like/love/enjoy about your partner so that he doesn't hear it as a negative thing. As other people have suggested, it may also really help to introduce porn, toys, etc. if you haven't already as a practical step. Also, perhaps you can't orgasm when you're with him because this is on your mind because you haven't spoken to him about it. So long as you tell him in a way that takes his feelings into consideration and you're both able to set aside the time to talk it out and ask/answer any questions that either of you have for each other then hopefully it would open the lines of communication between both of you on this subject and create a mutually trusting foundation for the rest of your relationship.
Wishing you the best of luck with it. I know that things like this aren't easy :)