Another major blip in our marriage and this time I feel like I’m literally just done.
I worked hard to get us back on track a few years ago and although my husband refused counselling we did manage to reconnect. He again won’t communicate now and when I reach out he shuts down and gets angry.
It’s been a tough time with another life event (him) but I thought he’d be there for me as I have for him.
I feel absolutely alone.
I suggested separating a few months ago and he said no.
I need intimacy in all ways and he just won’t open up.
I shared a moment with a guy a few months ago while getting a coffee and it felt electric. I haven’t felt like that for such a long time. It was instant attraction & now wish I asked for his details.
I’ve always been a touchy person and my husband hasn’t.
I just want him to turn up for me but I think this may be the end for us and I need to stand firm.
I just haven’t got anything more to give.
I keep seeing the posts about when was the last time you had sex on the forum and for me it was 2024.
I miss the sexual intimacy and a pair of hands on me hugely.
I know what you’re going through but from a male perspective. I haven’t had any kind of sexual intimacy since around March 2022 when our second child was conceived.
You don’t need to ask your husband for permission to separate. If you’re done, you’re done. You offered counselling, he refused. You asked for a separation, he said no to that too. My gut would say you need to give him an ultimatum – counselling/therapy or separation – but from experience that seldom ends well and they will resent you for setting an ultimatum anyway. If he’s not willing to give you the relationship you want and deserve and he’s not going to treat you with respect, you have to be free to find someone who will.
Shutting down and getting angry is a form of neglect, and is absolutely a reason for separation. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in relationships, don’t settle for less: there’s someone out there who longs to bring joy to your days.
Very, very sorry to hear what you are going thru. The world has enough drama outside and the home should be a refuge from that. When it’s not good at home it sucks. My wife and I have gone thru a few bad patches but thank God we’ve worked thru them and it’s really good now. But both sides have to work at it and it doesn’t sound like you have that. Just know that there are those here who’ve likely had similar issues and have that sympathy for your situation. Sadly, our sympathy and $3.00 will buy you a cup of coffee and little else when you’re struggling and have tough decisions to make. Wish I/we could do more.
Sorry to hear of your situation, I guess whilst we can all empathize, only you know what you want to do and whether you think that your relationship is worth fighting for.
Perhaps suggest a trial separation and move out if you have friends or family you can stay with, it might be the wake up call your partner needs, and it will give you space to did what it is you want.
I did think of asking family who I think wouldn’t have any issue.
Thanks for the suggestion
I did tell my husband that I was going to go to a hotel for a few days with the last blip. I just needed to clear my head but stayed to see it through. He laughed when I told him this.x
I think asking for a separation and accepting the ‘no’ was a mistake. Tell him that you want a separation and then leave, it’ll have to be you to leave, as he’s not going to. If you don’t leave he’s going to just see it as he calls the shots. Take back the power over YOUR life, and pack your things, tell him he can text you in a week if he wants to talk. And if he doesn’t then you’ve done that right thing and your next step is your choice.
Just be careful, if you decide to leave, my sister left her husband and he took all her bank cards from her so she could not access their joint accounts and the money she had in ber purse. She had us to go to and a job but she had to stop her salary from going into the joint account. He kept everything apart from her clothes. I told her she should have left when he was at work at least she could have taken some of her possessions with her.
I’m sorry to hear this. I do have one question, which left me slightly confused? You mentioned separation and him saying no, then you said you’d had a moment with another man. I’m guessing you was still together? (Apologies if I’m being nosey and I understand if you don’t want to answer it, I’m just trying to see the full story).
This has been a long and difficult situation for you for sure. Hope your doing ok man. Seek help with your depression (if you haven’t already took that step ) your health is important! I know it stems from important needs you long for not being met but look after you through it all too! Take care buddy and keep in touch 3
Sorry to hear about this situation for you and your relationship with your husband. Especially given that you have made attempts fairly recently to deal with previous issues you have both had and maybe feeling that you were making progress also.
How long have you been together/married for, if you don’t mind me asking?
) your health is important! I know it stems from important needs you long for not being met but look after you through it all too! Take care buddy and keep in touch 