Hi all
My gf and I are really interested in trying some sub/dom stuff but are quite new to the idea. We have tried some stuff but what I am really wondering is if anyone has any suggestions on what the sub can call the dom and what the dom might be able to do to make it fun - we like spanking and restraint so far. We both like being sub so often swap. Any recommendations would be much appreciated thanks
This is such a broad question, with a pretty complicated answer - sorry.
As far as names - you can be called whatever you’re both comfortable with. There are some common names that are used (sir, master, daddy, papi etc), but it’s basically up to you. It can be something totally left field if you want. It’s your relationship, and there aren’t any rules.
The sub/dom (and other variations of the BDSM) dynamics are deeply personal things. Generally speaking I’d argue that BDSM is one of the most misunderstood aspects of sex. Again, there aren’t any rules and it depends on a number of things like what kinks you’re both into and also what you’re NOT into, and what you both want to get from it. There are lots of different facets to it that aren’t very intuitive unless you research it properly. I (and other people in the forum) can suggest certain kinky things you could do, but they would be based on what my partner and I look to get out of BDSM and the kinds of kinks that we’re into.
If you’re looking to get into it properly and more than superficially then do you enjoy reading? I’ve recently bought some books on this subject that have been widely recommended. I’ve read some, but haven’t had a chance to read them all yet. If you want to do it properly there’s quite a bit of skill, theory and psychology to it - which isn’t all that intuitive. Sure you can scratch the surface and do the standard ‘let’s tie eachother up, I’ll order you around a little’ = we’re into BDSM but it’s generally more complicated than that.
I’m looking to learn as much as I can about it before I go down this route so that I can do it properly. If you want to delve into it properly then I’d suggest that you also do some reading up on the subject, and also have lots of conversation with your partner. You don’t want to make assumptions with BDSM.
If you just want some kinky ideas then I can write a list of some generic fetishes and kinks. If you want a couple of good books I’m reading then I can also provide a list.
I started typing but its a really wide open question that you’re asking. I really think this is a conversation you need to be having with your partner as it depends on what you two class as fun. What could be fun for me could be traumatising for someone else.
I’d recommend using the search bar as there will be loads of support and suggestions given there.
Hi Gareth - thanks for your reply.
You make some really good points. Would you mind giving me both kinky ideas and fetish things and the book recs?
thanks
Great response @Gareth
Books
Obviously different people will suggest different material, and different authors have different specialities/specific areas of interest, but here are some of the books I have (I plan to buy more, and also haven’t read all of them yet). In addition to specific ‘dom’ material I’d also suggest you read material specific to ‘subs’ too, as it’d give a more rounded view of the dynamic, their expectations and needs etc. Here are some that I have:
101 kinky things.
The new topping book.
The new bottoming book.
The heart of dominance.
Screw the roses, send me the thorns.
BDSM mastery.
SM101.
The first is about 101 kinks, and it’s surprisingly good. I think that this is the type of thing you’re were looking for based on your initial question asking for ideas of kinky things to do. The others are specific BDSM books if you wanted to delve deeper into the topics.
Ideas (here are a couple of obvious ones that come to mind… the potential list could be huge):
Role play
Bondage / shibari
Gagging
Anal play
Humiliation
Sensory deprivation
Hotwifing/cuckolding/swinging etc
Threesomes and moresomes
Voyeurism
Exhibitionism
Objectification
Pain play
Impact play
Foot fetishes
Watersports
May sound a little obvious but I’d suggest that you have a conversation with your partner before looking to try doing any of these.
Thanks. I’m passionate about BDSM hahah
As you should be, not everyone can be a true dom/me.
We did sensory deprivation on Sunday…
We’ve done blindfold stuff, but not yet gone down the route of taking away the hearing. I plan to correct that soon. Ideally both at the same time if I can figure out a comfortable and effective way of doing it!
I’m jealous of you as I love sub /Dom but never started until mid 30’s -I would have loved to start younger but never had the guts 