Me and the missus are getting into a bit of bondage play, I watch some porn and have some ideas on what happens. But my missus doesn’t have a clue and doesn’t know where to start. If the peopleout there who are into this can give a bit of a list on what a female Dom would do. Were not goig down the chastity road and we do partake in pegging , so any info or help or a list of things she could try would be a massive help. We’re open to alot of things like anal, rimming and so on. So anything goes really
1 Like
For me as a woman who loves to dominate I feel you need to switch off a bit from being the living partner to being a Dom -
Start spanking and keep serious thoughts in your head
Be vulgar as well - this helps the mind set and set boundaries before you start and safety words and discuss what you want as a submissive
3 Likes
Thanks for the advice. I’ll pass it on to the wife , but this is new to her so think it will be hard to switch off from being her to being a bit of a Dom. Suppose we’ll learn as we go on
1 Like
Do you enjoy reading? I’ve recently bought some books on this subject that have been widely recommended. I’ve read some, but haven’t had a chance to read them all yet.
From what I’ve read, yours is a complicated question and if you want to do it properly there’s quite a bit of skill, theory and psychology to it - which isn’t all that intuitive. Doesn’t seem to be so much of ‘do as I say’ as some people think.
I’m looking to learn as much as I can about it before I go down this route so that I can do it properly.
I find it easy as my friend is a professional dominatrix and I often go around to her and I like talking to the men and ask what they want - I then watch as she goes from this girl I was in school with to a total dominant and does her job
I have picked up loads of ideas and how to spank - this is essential as you need to spank on the soft fatty area of the bum - get your aim right - to low or too high and it’s not good for you receiving the punishment
Also you have to talk while being a Dom - my fav is telling my husband off for wearing my knickers and having secret wanks and fantasising about touching me and so forth (does not matter if it’s made up)
Avoid watching Dom porn - start slow and build up - she needs to control you - blind fold as well as tie hands / legs together and don’t laugh
It’s a skill and done well you will both get great gratification from it
1 Like
I’ve been reading certain things on the internet about things . Some are a bit to far. Like chastity and public humiliation, but we have bought the bed restraints and paddle,whip, blindfold and nipple.clamos.for the bondage side of it. And slowly getting into it.
Just need the missus to relax and take control as she has no idea what goes on , I’ve.explained bits to her but think she needs build up and gradually get there
We’ve got plenty of time to practice and talk about it , after, I’m hoping eventually she’ll read about the peeing on me, as I’ve got a bit of a thing for that haha
I agree with @Gareth in that there are some great books out there. The Mistress Manual and the Absolute Guide to Domination are two I really like. The Absolute Guide is a fairly small book so wouldn’t be overwhelming.
Your wife needs to find what makes her feel powerful and gets her off. There is no prescribed formula, it’s just what works for both of you. It’s also ok to not be into popular things or not into everything.
As you’ve already got some toys, I think you need to help her find the type of Dom she is. Does she want to be strict and punish you, or a Goddess you worship, or a tease, or a relentless tormentor overloading your senses with sensations, or be nurturing and praising, does she want to leave you instructions on how to set up the play space or does she want to make you wait and see what she comes up with. Roleplay can help with this if she isn’t too sure or finding fictional characters to identify with. For some, rituals can help. Like having her put a collar on you or her wearing a certain outfit, item of clothing or accessory. Or in reverse, removing certain items that she always wears
Having her get comfortable with the toys (without you) will also help, as if she feels that she is able to use them properly, it will take off some of the nerves and pressure. Practicing on a pillow can help here.
But most importantly always keep in mind that sex is supposed to be enjoyable. If it isn’t working, don’t force it, try something else. It’s ok for things don’t go perfectly or to end up in a fit of giggles.
2 Likes
I once urinated on a man - but it went all over me as well - down my legs into my shoes - while he liked it it made me mad
If she is to do it - make sure she has a good aim
1 Like
I hope she does either way the he’d sheets will need washing s
I think she be tease and slight punishment type nothing to painfull but will get off on it, we’ve got a night planned next week so fingers crossed we’ll have a good night , thank you
Hahaha. As a sub I nearly always laugh hearing the thwack from a crop or paddle. I was with a professional dominatrix last week who said she was more used to ‘yes mistress’ but I soon had her laughing too so we both had fun and drew quite a crowd of spectators , as well as snapping some photos of my bod for her website
3 Likes
What is it about being a domme that appeals to your wife?
I feel that being a domme is more about the mindset than a specific list of sexual acts, being in control of the environment no matter what it is that is happening. You could be having missionary sex and she can still be in control of it.
But, for someone wanting to be in control, I’d be expecting her to be doing her own research. Hopefully she is and she’ll surprise you with what she’s learned.
1 Like
From what I’ve read this is absolutely it. It’s a mindset thing, and the perception of control.
Also agree that it sounds like it’s something she needs to look into and work on as the ‘lead’ who want to control the situation.
1 Like
I would discuss this with her as from a subs point of view there is so much to decide
I’m a man but I like to dress for domination as a maid or school girl or secretary and take time with detail - secretary has bra stockings and suspenders as well as black knickers, the maid wears white frilly knickers and stockings and suspenders and the school girl wears blue satin knickers - but during play I like to be referred to as a female - she will refer to me in a derogatory way - dirty bitch, slut and so forth -but I love being spoken to as a female and then there is the punishments- ruler cane got school girl , maid gets the paddle or crop and the secretary gets hand spank or ruler
Take time to discuss wants
1 Like
She likes the spanking and enjoys pegging me and I mention the Dom think to her. So said we can try it and she’s well up for it
Honestly have a look at a bit of BDSM porn. Some of it is ridiculously over the top for my tastes, and there is nasty degrading stuff but most porn sites allow you to search by keywords and even filter out the really rough stuff if that’s too much for your tastes.
The vast majority is pretty interesting and we’ve seen a few bits that have given us ideas for our own games.
1 Like