We have been swinging for over 12 years; we started a few weeks after we first met. In answer to the questions -
1. We prefer straight partner swaps, but have had 3somes of both types and she very occasionally becomes a greedy girl in clubs. It really deopends on the situation. Our planned meets are usually even numbers of M and F, usually 4somes.
2. Depends on where you live! if in a semi or flat, your neighbours might hear you having group-sex (if that bothers you!). If you go to a cub, there's always the chance of meeting somebody you know (but it has never happend to us - yet).
3. We get tested every 6 months. Never had a condom split while swinging, but we do bareback with very good friends.
4. Home meets are pre-planned but swinger club sex is very spontaneous. We often go into a public playroom, start playing together and then just swap with a nearby couple. Or meet another couple in the bar and all go off together to play. Or just join a group playing in our club's orgy room and swap. Or she gets into the sex-swing and men gather. it can be anything you want.
5. Suggest you do what we did at first, visit a swinger club to check out the scene and take things easily. We did our first 'soft-swing' swap on our second club visit and our first full swap on outr 4th or 5th visit. There's no pressure to play in clubs, many people just go to watch others.
R was a therapist and there might have been consequences if her swinging came out, but if you keep things discreet all should be well. You'd be surprised at the jobs of some swingers we know - police, teachers and doctors, for a start.
We can thoroughly recommend swinging as a way to meet both our sexual needs - we have always needed variety throughout our lives and swinging is an open, non-deceitful way to meet these needs. We also did it to push our boundaries and make sex an adventure, although our best sex is always between the two of us. For us it is just fun sex, we don't do it because something is lacking in our relationship. If there is a lack, or if only one of a pair wants to swing then trouble lies ahead.
We swing with good swinger friends, which is fun as we know what turns us all on. We also enjoy swinging with strangers, fun to have sex with completely new people now and again.
Just don't become "hardened" and start collecting 'notches on the bedpost' or similar. it's just a game. we know people who swing almost obsessively every week. For us it's every couple of months, and just for fun.
Give it a try - hope you like it as much as we do!