I didn't want to hijack an already excellent thread by Boogaloo titled Sub or Dom, so I thought I would start a new thread.
This is something I have always wanted to ask about BDSM.
If you are a Sub why do many of you prefer not to switch roles? In theory an experienced Sub could make a decent Dom as they will know the things that they like to happen to them the language used etc. Basically all of the things a new Dom would have to start learning from sratch .
For those of you that do switch roles is it something really you want to do or something you need to do to satisfy your partners needs/wishes?
And one for the Doms . What enjoyment do you get out of it?
Cheers guys
For people who identify as switch it is because they are neither 100% sub or dom, or if you prefer they are both and they like to act as both. Someone who is 100% sub may know in theory what to do as a dom, but they won't necessarily be able to actually do any of it or enjoy doing it and so they stay in their role.
So yes people may switch roles on their partners wishes and probably for no reason other than to please their partner, but they aren't necessarily 'feeling" the role. For example, a sub who is asked to dom is still being a sub in obeying that order and never really gets in the dom mindset, but rather stays in their submissive mindset where they dom only to fulfil their partners wishes. Whereas a switch can get fully into and enjoy either mindset. If that makes sense!
That's how I've always interpreted it anyway :)
Yes that does make sense. I guess its more to do with psyche of the role rather that the physical abilities,
In role playiing we use the terms top and bottom which is in similar terms to the BDSM Dom and Sub roles but probably with the psyche element as you are just acting/playing out roles with a key to the physical requirements only.
Lovebirds_x wrote:
So yes people may switch roles on their partners wishes and probably for no reason other than to please their partner, but they aren't necessarily 'feeling" the role. For example, a sub who is asked to dom is still being a sub in obeying that order and never really gets in the dom mindset, but rather stays in their submissive mindset where they dom only to fulfil their partners wishes. Whereas a switch can get fully into and enjoy either mindset. If that makes sense!
I think I'd have to agree with this. As I said in my other thread, I much prefer being a sub but do take on the role of Domme if my partner asks me to, however I don't get the same kind of rush from it. I just do it to please him really, it's still fun, but not on the same level.
Sorry mysteron don't mean to hijack your thread now! 
Not at all Boogaloo . Your point about switching is very relavent .
In fact quite pertanent to what could happen at weekend. My Mrs will be for the first time acting as the top . I should be getting delivered to her today a sexy cop uniform from LH complete with handcuffs and it will be interesting to see how she finds the role. So I don't put her off I have bought some shades to go with it to prevent me from making any eye contact . That apart I will not be making any more concessions :)
It will also be interesting if she chooses any of our spanking implements at weekend . if that is the case I bet its the riding crop:)
Well the parcel has just arrived from Love Honey . My Mrs has just opened it and she loves the Police Dress. It also fits which is a bonus as I have had a habbit of picking stuff thats too small for her .Its a bit short though to go to a party in it but she reckons it will be OK for that purpose when worn with modesty shorts and tights . Stockings for the role play though :)
I will probably do a review for it from a roleplaying point of view in due course.
I found we use to switch as neither were brave enough to commit to one or other... or the mindset so it was our way of starting to explore this a few years ago. But recently we have become more natural as opposed to play D/s and oh is all about teasing and pleasure to see how much I can take... he enjoys the control and receives his pleasure from this... I was always awkward playing dom I don't have the mindset... so we are not D/s without the switch but we took it in our town time as couple to reach those conclusions.
I have a variable personality in this regard, depending on the exact nature of what's happening at the time.
Physically for example, I would much rather dominate.
Psychologically, I find it more fun to be dominated.
It's quite difficult to strike a balance between those two; a relationship in which the generic 'she' took charge most of the time and then surrendered control to me in the bedroom would probably be quite heavenly.
Being honest for me and my husband its just what ever tickles our fancy at that point. We dont have a strict dom or sub peraonality as both can be either . For instance getting jiggy jiggy if my partners gets dom and takes over then he does or if i do. I live being dom though always have its the over power i find a turn on but my hisband not keen so im more sub now (until strap on comes out he gets scared lol)
TBH its more my wish than my OH . For once every now and again I just feel I want to be dominated by her and teased perhaps in a similar way I tease her. Unfortunately my OH is normally intrevert to start off with and lacks a little confindence when doing certain things. I think what will help her is if I am blindfolded when tied up and therefore can't see her fumbling around a bit which is bound to happen. This I think will give her more confidence and is something we both want to try out in a roleplay session .
This is probably a first step for her to dominate me a little. My expectations are very low so it doesn't matter if it doesn't quite work .But if I offer her encouragement on the things I liked then it will give her some encouragment for another session in the future
We've really only dipped our toes into bondage and would doubtless be considered very 'light' by more experienced oarsmen but it's become pretty clear that she prefers being the sub and I prefer being the dom and while we switch roles on occassion, it doesn't do as much for us.
I think this probably reflects our roles in our relationship where I am more dominant and she more reserved.
Physically, I don't get much from being bound and it frustrates me not being able to use my hands as a big part of the enjoyment I get in lovemaking is tactile. I enjoy visual stimulus and so blindfolds don't do much for me either. Also, I can mildly freak out when strapped down. Maybe I was abducted by aliens and they wiped my memory after probing me, I dunno. I guess I enjoy being in control more than being controlled. And she's the opposite so neither of us is able to bring their A-game into the other role.
Interesting question.