I’ve known my wife for close to 8 years and we have always had amazing sex. Our sex life is frequent and definitely not vanilla (not that there is anything wrong with that). I love her dearly.
There are times where I wake up aroused with very dirty and taboo thoughts. I usually end up externally massaging my prostrate, nipples etc, thinking about those fantasies until my wife wakes up and we enjoy some morning glory together.
I’ve talked to my wife on the surface about the fantasies and she would not be into them as it involves other people (participating or watching). All my fantasies involve my wife in some way.
I’ve noticed that when Im alone and masturbate then I tend to be drawn towards these fantasies. I stopped watching porn years ago so it’s just thoughts.
Do you consider it wrong and would it cause any issues to be consistently aroused by external fantasies before having sex with your OH?
Hi @Sami91, that sounds very similar to me (except I’m female but I don’t think that makes a difference here). I’ve spoken to counsellors about this before and apparently it’s very common and nothing to be ashamed by. As long as you are happy in your relationship and your fantasies are not upsetting you then carry on enjoying them.
I should really follow my own advice but I’ll admit that having these fantasies and often using them before and during sex does bother me. I’d far rather be able to just enjoy the moment with my partner but it just doesn’t work like that for me.
I would guess they are common fantasies . I love my wife dearly , but she has not participated in many years . Even though she gave me permission to have some side ladies I just could never do that . So my fantasies are my go to and the older I get the more wild and crazy they get . I think as long as they stay fantasies you are OK by me . I have fantasies with and without her . Some are more like a romance movie , others get kinky surpassing my olden taboos . For men and probably women also , the old adage " use it or lose it " may very well be true . Too many friends my age are on hormone treatments . I often wonder if is is from not staying sexually active ? Dream on !
There is nothing wrong with fantasies or using them to become aroused so long as you are happy that they remain fantasies as your other half has no interest in acting them out.
Some things are best left as fantasies or we have no fantasies left ! My mind goes all over the place but my confidence not so much >>>>> do what ever you are happy doing if you are unsure its fantasy all the way in my book ! Bet that’s no help what so ever haha
I’ve been married for sixteen or so years now and only recently through the use of an app have we both realised we have some fantasies that neither has shared before.
Whilst we’ve already explored a couple of these fantasies through buying a few new bits and bobs care of Lovehoney, there are some that like yourself involve other people.
At present these fantasies remain just that but we’ve started looking into the addition of other people via sites and apps though we haven’t pushed the boundaries as of yet.
I myself felt quite shamed by some of my thoughts but sharing them with my other half has been somewhat therapeutic so I’d suggest try being honest with your other half… have a few drinks and share your thoughts with them to at least let them know what it is sailing through your subconscious now and then as you never know - they might share your saucy fantasy too!
No, I don’t consider it wrong. My partner knows I’m turned on by things to that don’t involve him and I will regularly sort myself out first for him to join in after. However, I’ve been more comfortable with sharing the things I like such as videos and pictures. As he often says, “It may not float my boat, but it doesn’t have to”. Surprisingly, he seems to like some of my stuff and will ask me to put them on now and again to get us in the mood.
I agree with everyone… its perfectly normal. Most of my fantasies involve mythical beings (demons/ vampires etc) so will never be lived out and quite frankly thats how i like it. It plays out in my head exactly how i want it to.
I know this is an older thread but I thought I’d throw my 2pence in. I often fantasise about having sex with different people. I tend to use fictional characters form my favourite video games, books and such. My partner knows about it and is completely fine with it. Due to me being attracted to more than one gender my fantasy’s are a way for me to explore my sexuality without having to have other people involved.
It stays as fantasy unless it was something OH also wanted to do. I use characters that I like because I’m attracted to personalities more than anything, and that can lead to a very grey area when it comes to this sort of thing. As my OH sees it as what I think about in regards to sex and fantasies is my business but he is always happy to listen if I have something I want to try.
My taboo fantasy would be in a sling surrounded by a room full of men and women wearing strap ons. I would be the object for their pleasure. Letting them all use my mouth and ass for as long as I could possibly take it, taking as much cum as possible.
I don’t really suppose my fantasies are particularly taboo, these are often dreams whilst I’m asleep, they all involve my wife. They seem to revolve around us f**cking with others watching/discovering us, in a wood, on a beach etc.
She sort of knows about these, although we haven’t discussed them explicitly in terms of acting them out
I’m a firm believer in fate, if they happen, they happen. I can definitely say out current sex life isn’t boring, so it’s not as if I’m craving these fantasies, always very enjoyable dream though.
My taboo fantasies are nothing I think about when I have sex. But alone I read stories on Literotica that some might find unsettling. Now I have no desires to ever fulfil these fantasies, none. But reading them really drives me wild when alone.
Now with my wife I just imagine she’s with another woman. Especially her friends. Boooom.
There’s an old adage that goes, “You can get your appetite wherever you like, so long as you eat at home.”
There’s nothing wrong with getting your motor started, as you know what buttons to push, and if that energy is directed at your OH, then no harm is done if you can reconcile that within yourself.
