Excellent answer! Now I need to find more confidence in communicating the things I do want to do! I’m not the best at communicating my feelings/wants/desires/needs. (I’m blooming awful at it in fact, in every aspect of my life! Although I did get a “win” in a meeting this evening, so hopefully I’ll learn from that!)
1 Like
There are apps/games you can play to compare kinks/desires. I’m rubbish at remembering the names, but I’m sure there’s a post in the forum I could dig out. 
I think there’s one you both fill in separately, and then it only shows you just the things you’ve matched on. That way you can be honest without worrying about revealing too much.
I’ll have a little root around.
I found this old thread with a few in, as well as a link to a LH blog about some.
1 Like
Oooh - thanks @Ian_Chimp - now I just need to find a partner to play with! That’ll be simple right!?
1 Like
@woodstock2 I think it’s just a case of some people are not into it. My friend (well everyone on earshot) knows I love anal. I’m very open about that. She will only do it intoxicated (I’m not saying get your wife drunk lol. When I was younger I was like oh it’s an exit not an entrance but I’d had a couple of bad experiences which put me off for a long time. Do you watch porn together or anything erotic?
1 Like
Ooo this is interesting but my husband would say there’s no need for an app…
2 Likes
No she thinks porn is disgusting .She has no interest in any form of sex at all x
1 Like
Please don’t think I’m being intrusive. Can I ask has you sexual relationship always been this way or faded in time?
We haven’t had any kind of sex since she was pregnant 8 - 9 years ago
@kinkinky Mrs Sen is sort of the same, she doesn’t outright say what she wants in the bedroom, often its “you know what I like” or “the usual” etc, she has gotten to the stage where she will tell me which dildo she wants and is becoming more confident in enjoying her own satisfaction without feeling obliged to reciprocate, but its a slow journey
@woodstock2 it is obviously normal to have a decrease in libido after having children. The body is going through massive hormonal changes. Exhausted from baby etc. I don’t know how you have lasted this long. Have you spoken to your GP? Or even asked her about it
I have tried over the years but she won’t talk about it at all . I’m afraid I’ve given up now x
1 Like
I know relationships aren’t built on sex but intimacy is a massive part. Do you kiss, cuddle in bed. I have MS and lost my libido for a while. As a female the less you have it, the less you want it and give versa. You have to sort of force yourself back into it. I do genuinely believe some sort of couples counseling could do you a world of good. If you love her and she you bite the bullet and speak to her
2 Likes
Unfortunately I’m in the spare room so no chance to kiss and cuddle. We hug during the day and kiss but not proper kissing
1 Like
How long have you been together?
16 years now
1 Like
So around half your relationship it’s been like this? I’m in no way qualified but IMO I’d be looking at making some serious decisions. Are you happy with the situation as it has been? I’d be weighing out the pros and cons personally. With my ex there was a million cons but that 1 pro is the reason we are trying to work through things. I really feel for you but I do think enough is enough. You really need to talk!
I’m not happy about the situation but there is a child involved . Apart from that we get on well . My dad left when I was 6 and it messed me up forever. I would not do that in million years but I do have needs and I do miss sex xx
1 Like
Sorry for the late reply. I know what you mean with having a child involved… I never wanted a broken home for our son. We add the opposite sex is good… the rest… We butt heads completely
As to regards your dad… All separation issues are different. Just because you feel messed up doesn’t mean your son will be… so many factors to consider… Did he see you? Would you see him? Shared custody etc. It’s a lot to think about when you could have a serious sit down conversation.
Why not start slow? A shoulder rub etc. Doesn’t need to start with sex. You need to get intimate again
1 Like
Mum remarried and after 4 years some bright spark decided that it would be in my best interests if I didn’t see him anymore as I was getting upset…Course I was bloody upset. I was very close to him as a small child
1 Like
Woodstock - for your own sanity you need to talk about this. A sexless marriage isn’t a happy marriage, I nearly caused my marriage to end due to this as I had so many issues…
A good conversation may help - compliment her, remind her she’s sexy, maybe pop a romantic film on… find a way to get to the topic but keep her confident without pressure.
Good luck - I so hope you can awaken her urges again.
I’d say buy some Ben wa balls and ask her to try them (This is how I found my libido again) but talk must come first and is so important!
1 Like