my wife thinks anal is disgusting and oral too. Its very difficult to discuss things when your looked on as some sort of repellent pervert
I’ve had that…
It’s awful to be made to feel dirty for years…really knocked my confidence
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@CurvyJilly aww it shouldn’t make you feel like that hun it’s only sex after all we all do it jut sometimes in different ways
@woodstock2 @CurvyJilly never let others knock your confidence, it’s their narrow minds that are at fault.
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its awful isnt it. thats why its great to have nice non judgemental people here to talk to . I always thought my desires and feels were wrong
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In my life i’ve had people criticise a lot of the things i like, do, wear etc (Not sexual) and you know what? I have finally in the last few years come to the conclusion “F*** Em” i do what makes ME happy. It’s so liberating and confidence boosting. So if you like anything be it a hobby or a sexual fetish, do it! We’re a long time dead, we should live the best life we can.
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@woodstock2 regarding your wife’s views, maybe show her the forum? I would usually suggest talking openly, but i get the impression you’ve tried that?
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Ithink if i showed her this she may have a fit -especially as she doesnt know i come on here
@woodstock2 possibly! I guess the best thing is conversation, but it’s hard to change ingrained attitudes.
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Yes every time i try to talk she changes the subject. Apart from the sex problem we get on brilliantly
It’s one hell of a big problem though isn’t it?
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Definitely, and there are no easy answers.
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i just have to accept things as they are
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So, what’s a good way of saying “not my kink, not happening, but I understand why you would be interested/ask/why that would turn you on” within a relationship, without making the other person feel like a pervert? … especially when this is brought up in the bedroom, and as the “prude” you feel pressured, even if that’s not the intention of the other person!?
You have to have those discussions outside of the bedroom, I listen to “sex with emily” a lot on podcast, she advocates - Tone, Timing and Turf
Tone - Make sure its a calm tone, non judgemental but inquisitive “can you explain what about watching me turns you on” or “I would find it uncomfortable having you watch me, is there other things we can do that you like” or “I would find it uncomfortable having you watch me, can we build slowly towards it”
Timing - At a time when things are calm, not if you’re feeling tired, grouchy, (or your partner) etc etc
Turf - Not in the bedroom, somewhere neutral away from pressures (kitchen, lounge etc)
If you haven’t listened to her podcasts before, look her up, she is really very good about a whole range of topics.
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Ok will give that a listen to thanks
Thanks @Senator! I’d absolutely agree with “not in the bedroom” having been on the receiving end of those conversations in the bedroom, they were a real turn-off given I definitely was not in the right frame of mind!
I guess I’m asking how do I move the conversation out of the bedroom? Probably a case of waiting till I pull on my big girl panties, and being brave enough to re-start the conversation I didn’t want to have, somewhere else!
Make it a conversation that you do want to have. 
Tell him about the things you do want to do as well as the things you don’t. It needn’t be a negative thing. 
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