So im a 22 year old female in a long term relationship.
Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex I tend to tear down below :( They are like little paper cuts and are soooooo painful.
I have been to the doctor and they just gave me some moisturiser and adviced me to use lubrication.
This all helps but it doesnt cure Or stop the problem it just eases it!!!
Is there anything I can do to stop this? It makes me terrified to have sex because I dont want to tear and thats not what I want in my relationship. I want to be happy and carefree and not worry about sex.
You have had a few bad experiences so you will probably be a little tense when your having sex which will led to you not being relaxed and stop natural lubrication. So you need to try to relax. Have you had this problem with previous partners? Could it be a case that you partner is a little bigger than previous partners and you are not used to the size? If so maybe try warming up with a smaller vibrator or dildo to begin with to help relax things and get your natural lubrication flowing. Some women are also a little tighter down there than others. I have read of cases where some women have need to be stretched slightly to help them achieve intercourse but I doubt you bed that as you are able to have sex. I personally have torn a couple of times and that was in situations where I didn't want to have sex but felt forced into it by old partners. It's was definitely a case of lack or lubrication due to lack of arousal.
It might just be friction burns, is lubrication working for you? If not, have you tried maybe a water-based anal lubricant? It's a bit thicker than normal lubricant so it might help.
I would advise going to your GP especially if you're in pain.
I had the same thing and after a couple of tests and swabs they diagnosed me with vestibulitis. It's quite a common condition! It's commonly caused by being on the pill or near time of the month when your hormones are all over the place. You can get creams for it and numbing gels. After time it can go away, but anything which is causing you discomfort is always worth speaking to a GP or specialist nurse about. (You can request a female one if you don't want to see a man remember! And your boyfriend can come in with you too if you want!)
As the other ladies have said above- if its not what I've described, it could be lack of lubrication or friction. Switching to a silicone lube really helped me!
Hope it gets sorted soon hun. In the meantime, I'd take a break from sex and let the little cuts heal.
I have that issue too sometimes, as it's on your mind you won't fully relax during sex, which makes it worse. I'd play around with different lubricants and see what works best. I found one that really helps & I haven't 'tore' in a little while now. X
Fear is going to play merry heck and it can hide a lot. This isn't to discount that there isn't something medically there, there totally might be, but it's worth discounting the simpler to manage things incase they are contributing.
I understand that you've tried lube and it doesn't completely rectify the issue, but how you use lube and what lube you're using could have a big impact. Probably good to go with a lube that has as few ingredients as possible because that way you're less likely to be using something you might be sensitive to. The suggestion for a silicone lube could be great since it doesn't dry out.
It can be easy to worry about making a mess with lube and only using a bit, so try using what you think is a lot and see if that helps. There was a phrase floating about by an educator which was "too much lube is almost enough," so go wild. A waterbased lube is easiest for using a lot because it cleans up easy.
Lastly, maybe sit down and decide that you just aren't going to have penetrative sex for a little bit? It might help you be less tense if you spend time focusing on exploring oral and touch with hands and fingers and so on. Take the pressure of penetration for a bit. Myself and my sexual partner aren't often able to have anal for instance simply because we can't always be bothered prepping or we're just not having a butt day, so knowing that penetration isn't the outcome of sex can be take a lot of pressure off.
It might be herpes? It appears in the same way as you describe it ''little cuts''.Maybe go see another doctor for a different opinion,as it is an infectious desease.
I agree with what others have said and also want to add something:
Scar tissue is not as flexible or stretchy as normal vaginal tissue. This means that if you already have some scarring, it can often tear recurringly during penetration because it just doesn't stretch. I am sure their are a few mums around (myself included) who can testify to this lol. I have a scar at the entrance to my vagina, a little souvenier from my daughter lol. This can sometimes tear during penetration, especially if the lube dries up or he is going for it hammer and tongs.
I agree with others though...lube, lube lube. Take it slower, get yourself more aroused before penetration and make sure you are completely relaxed. If you are tense, your muscles will tense, making this issue more likely to occur.
Oh and definitely go to the docs to rule out any issues, from infections to skin conditions, like eczema type conditions.
If it was me, or my girlfriend more appropriately, we would be booking in to the GUM clinic for a second opinion having seen the GP. Your GP's response seems to be a dismissive to be honest.
This would be to rule out anything adverse. After that I would look into methods to help relaxation, such as massage (sensual) as well as alternative relaxation methods such as yoga.
Would also invest in a number of different toys with varying girths to use and maybe warm with with as part of foreplay before penetration. You dont mention anything about your partners size - so maybe he is on the big side?
Hi ive experienced this 2, with my new partner who is gifted, I think as others said relaxings the key n lube, im working on this myself so interested on what others have said... xx
This reponse was from the gynocology appointment, not just my doctors I had a biopsy and everything showed up fine. Its only with my current partner and we were together about 4 months before I started tearing and now its been none stop since :( Its nice to know Im not the only one suffering with this. Ive tried a few lubes and havent torn quite as badly since but I just want it to stop, stop, STOP!!
I'm so sorry to hear this LulaBella. It sounds horrible.
If I were you, I'd get another appointment. I had to have at least four until someone took me seriously.
Take a break from sex for a bit and let the cuts that are present at the moment heel in so far as possible. Keep using moisturiser and this should hopefully let the skin strengthen a bit.
From everything you've said it sounds very similar to my symptoms of vestibulitis. My GP didn't actually know what it was she asked a colleague to check for it instead after looking at the GP version of Google! Say a friend mentioned it to you and ask if/why they have ruled it out. Vestibulitis is also very commonly diagnosed alongside vaginismus which may explain any tensing issues if that’s a problem at all which a few of the ladies have mentioned above.
They can prescribe something called Instagel which is a local numbing cream (which can still be used alongside lubricant!) which helped me a lot! There are also creams similar to that which are used for eczema which can help too so it is definitely worth getting another opinion off of a different GP/GUM Clinic/gynecologist.
Hope it gets better soon  x
This may sound silly but as well as lube and stuff, hav you tried tilting your hips up a bit? I used to ahve the same problem with my boyfriend (who is quite large compared to my tightness), and that helped a lot with the tearing and bleeding.
Where are your cuts? I am having similar issues but its not just the entrance but on my clit too. There are no changes to anything with my sex life so I am perplexed and it is ruining my sex life! Really don't feel comfortable having a Dr look but my last smear test was painful too. Only been happening over the last 2 weeks after a uti which cleared up after antibiotics. Would be interested to know if you have the same problems and what is the outcome.
I have a problem with skin splits too. I find similar results to you with moisturising, but don't get much long term relief. Best thing I can advise, is durex aloe lube and plenty of it. It really Won't hurt existing splits. Trust me.
Mine is down to eczema. Maybe this is your problem too? If it is, try not to use shower gels etc with too much perfume, and whenever possible, stick to cotton panties.