I am having problems with tearing since having my second child. He was 9lb 7oz but I didn't get any bad tears at the birth, so am surprised by this.
I always tear around the perineum, no matter how much lube we use or how slow we go, and it often hurts inside too, like there are little tears inside. It feels like it is healed tears re-opening, if you see what I mean.
We have been using Durex lube, does anybody know if other types are better/more helpful?
How about trying different positions to see if theres one that puts less pressure on that part of the perineum, or I would suggest mentioning it to your GP or midwife if you can. It maybe that you had tiny micro tears or a small weakness that you're just re opening every time. Your GP might be able to recommend something to help it heal though. Hope this helps
I agree about seeing your gynecologist about this, especially the perineum tearing, but as for the micro-tears, you could try the KY Silk-E Vaginal Moisturiser with Vitamin E. I went through a period of time where I was very easily irritated and kept getting microtearing as well (even using rough tissue could make me really uncomfortable later) and using a little of that daily and as a lubricant seemed to help a lot.
It may be possible to find a treatment for the weakened skin (if that's what it is!) through your doctor or midwife. Something like Sudocrem, Bio-Oil, or the stuff that heals cracked nipples, I think it's Lansinoh?
On the other side, perhaps a different lube will ease the discomfort even when you are still vulnerable to tearing - all lubes are not the same, and finding one the right thickness, slipperiness and non-irritating composition may well do the trick. Case in point, Mrs M found a lube specifically designed for anal to sting immensely when she was over-stretched. It was fine in normal use, but reacted badly to tender skin. Perhaps yours is doing the same?
Mrmr
The different position thing is an excellent idea, as I find it's much less of a problem if my legs are together. We haven't been doing it much or for long so haven't got into trying different positions, but I think it could help now you mention it, at least for the entrance anyway.
I do suspect the lube isn't helping. I used to use Senselle and found the texture really good. Now they don't seem to sell it any more and we got this Durex one instead, and the texture is much different. So I think a better lube would make a difference.
I do feel like it needs to be moisturised down there (not that it's dry, but for this problem), I have been reluctant to do this because of condoms, however this won't be an issue any more in a couple of months as we won't need them any more. The KY Silk-E Vaginal Moisturiser with Vitamin E sounds like it could be just what I need.
I hadn't really thought about going to the doctor to be honest because it seems a minor thing that I would recover from with more practice/better lube. But if they could give me something to help with the moisturising/healing whatever is there that would be good. Silly isn't it, I always tell my husband to go to the doctor for the slightest thing!
I don't actually know what micro-tears are. Possibly that's what this is though, it's not like I'm ripping open, I can't see tears, it's just sore like there are little tiny cuts and then is sore when I wee afterwards.
I don't have a gynaecologist though, I thought it was only in America that people have a dedicated gynaecologist. I have seen one for treatment in the past (cervix stuff), but once they sign off that treatment that's it!
Thanks for all the replies :-) I think I sound a bit stupid in this reply, I don't know what micro tears are, I hadn't really thought of going to the doctor... I'm not that stupid really, honest! :-D
maybe try liquid silk as your next lubricant. It seems to have some great moisturising properties.
Def going to try the liquid silk and KY silk, thanks!
yeah my vote is for liquid silk - i love it!
I've looked at them on here now and they look really good, I'm really hopeful that this will help. Also they are condom safe, so we won't have to wait :-)
I feel I've been silly about this, I should have researched the products and looked at the reviews and not just posted on here... I'm normally perfectly capable of researching things and dealing with things. I don't know though, it's just I've been thrown as I never had these problems before, and we haven't had very much sex yet... I lose my sex drive for a long time after having babies and it's only come back recently. So getting back into doing it coupled with this pain has all been a bit strange for me.
But I really appreciate the advice, thanks!
Mr Monster wrote:
It may be possible to find a treatment for the weakened skin (if that's what it is!) through your doctor or midwife. Something like Sudocrem, Bio-Oil, or the stuff that heals cracked nipples, I think it's Lansinoh?
It's worth checking if any of these have side effects of thinning the skin as many steroid creams (often prescribed for dry or sore skin) have this side effect and I wouldn't be surprised if other skin treatments do the same which is definitely not what you want.
I tear a lot - luckily micro tears tend to heal really quickly but they can be hard to prevent. Changing position, a good lube and good hygeine practise (by which I mean avoiding using things that may make your skin sensitive when cleaning - switch to Simple branded soap and avoid using anything scented on the skin). Also avoid hot baths, especially if you soak for a while as this can dry the skin out - showering is much better. Don't wear jeans, dresses and skirts are better if you can and wear gentle cotton knickers. Those are the basics.
Next I'd say it's worth trying a dilator and doing some kegal exercises to just make sure the tears aren't from over stretching - kegal exercises teach the muscles how to relax on demand and prevents you tensing unconciously which may begin to be a problem if you're experiencing pain during penetration from the tears as it's a pain response or something your body does to preempt pain. Try squeezing as tight as you can for 10 seconds, then release for 10 and repeat 10 times and do that twice a day. If you don't want to buy a dilator, try using a small vibrator or dildo once a day and again before sex just to build up. Remeber to take your time and make sure you're fully, physically aroused before sex too.
And definitely, definitely see about a referal from your GP to a gynaecologist because you need to work out what may be causing this change and if there's anything simple you can do to help :)
All the best,
Adxx
I used wheatgerm oil on my perineum when i was pregnant it makes it more supple however please check with your Dr or just do a bit of research about it , it isnt the best smelling oil but did really help me.
~ Juicy ~
Berry wrote:
I've looked at them on here now and they look really good, I'm really hopeful that this will help. Also they are condom safe, so we won't have to wait :-)
I feel I've been silly about this, I should have researched the products and looked at the reviews and not just posted on here... I'm normally perfectly capable of researching things and dealing with things. I don't know though, it's just I've been thrown as I never had these problems before, and we haven't had very much sex yet... I lose my sex drive for a long time after having babies and it's only come back recently. So getting back into doing it coupled with this pain has all been a bit strange for me.
But I really appreciate the advice, thanks!
Dont feel silly - the forums r here to be used and well u got a little advice in the process whats so silly about that?
I would just double check with ur GP if you havent done already (like others have said) but i hope the lube eases the pain and helps
xxx
See your GP, if you feel uncomfortable doing so then sexual health clinics may be a good port of call. I react to many lubes and now default to sliquid as a safe bet, also can't use condoms because they leave the area raw. It sounds very like micro tearing, at least the internal part. Moisturising with something like wheatgerm oil sounds like a good option.
Taking advantage of the 'tearing' thread though, I had a 2nd degree tear with my son which healed withing a week and I didn't notice after day3, but they seem to have tightened up the opening (husband's words) which is proving a challenge. I'm particularly missing the quickies as we don't get many opportunities for long sex sessions and would welcome any advice in counteracting the surprise reduction :( Hasn't stopped us, but is rather inconvenient.
Hi Berry 
I've had no babies but I keep tearing for about 4(!) years now (28 y.o. btw). Apparently doctors couldn't diagnose me all this time (
), so I basically had no idea what really caused it, until a few weeks ago. I was diagnosed with a small vaginal fissure/fistula which seems to be the culprit. These can affect the vaginal opening/perineum as well as the rectum in some cases. Thankfully, there's surgery that can fix that, but in order for me to get diagnosed it took a digital magnification of the affected area (my doctor used the colposcopy magnifier and we both could see the fissure clearly). It's almost invisible to the naked eye.
I'm not saying that you do have a terrible thing like that -and I truly hope a simple cream solves your problem- but from what I read, it's possible for anyone at any point to develop a fissure from obstertric trauma and even a teeny tiny one can make things quite difficult. After trying every possible treatment, I think I'll have the surgery (and of course I'm scared sh**less).
Here are some links:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/rectovaginal-fistula/DS01065
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectovaginal_fistula
Best of luck
Ive foud i tear easyily and never thought anything of it until reading this thread!