I only found out about dyspraxia a couple of months ago when doing some school work (in a school, not at school!) I don't think it is in the public knowledge either, or dycalclia (sp?).
dyscalcula is a very tricky thing some people think it exists whole others don't. i have more problems with maths and i would not show up on many ed psych tests as dyslexic. (the last one i had was a post 16 one measured on IQ - which has nothing to do with learning difficulties) yet i have many other carachteristic of a "typical dyslexic".dyslexics can have problems with maths too and i think that inventing "dyscalcula" is kinda a waste of time. I think more teachers should be aware of learning difficulties such as dyspraxia, DCD, and dyslexia. i also know high functioning autism isnt picked up on a lot either.
back to the original point ive never seen my conditions as a barrier to do anyhting i want to, i just sometimes have to take a different approach to things and try and work my way round it. it may seem strange to people who dont know me but i can't really say ive ever been self conscious about it, yet its not something i instantly mention to partners for example
Dyspraxias a bit better known now than it was - my daughter (10) is dyspraxic (and also has joint hypermobility). The combination has made some stuff more challenging than it could've been. Had our children arrived in a different order we could've spotted both conditions several years earlier (she was diagnosed with both at age 5 - our HV got a lot of criticism for missing the conditions) but being first time parents you tend to assume that clumyness, falling over a lot etc, not able to draw simple pictures etc was a mark of young children not a cause for concern.
Her school has been very helpful and shes more-or-less within the normal range for most stuff. They have talked about using a laptop for essays and exams but shes very opposed to the idea.
Its clear the dyspraxia comes from me (the hypermobility is my wifes). For me, growing up, meant that stuff like school games were really hard & challenging. My social skills were pretty much off the bottom of the scale etc.
Dyspraxias a bit better known now than it was - my daughter (10) is dyspraxic (and also has joint hypermobility). The combination has made some stuff more challenging than it could've been. Had our children arrived in a different order we could've spotted both conditions several years earlier (she was diagnosed with both at age 5 - our HV got a lot of criticism for missing the conditions) but being first time parents you tend to assume that clumyness, falling over a lot etc, not able to draw simple pictures etc was a mark of young children not a cause for concern.
Her school has been very helpful and shes more-or-less within the normal range for most stuff. They have talked about using a laptop for essays and exams but shes very opposed to the idea.
Its clear the dyspraxia comes from me (the hypermobility is my wifes). For me, growing up, meant that stuff like school games were really hard & challenging. My social skills were pretty much off the bottom of the scale etc.
It is joint hypermobility that I have....the kind caused by a collagen disorder. You are lucky to get that diagnosed at such a young age! It seems dyspraxia and BJHMS go hand in hand fairly often in my experience, although I'm one of the lucky few with just the joint thing! Well done for catching your daughters conditions early KinkyWolf and for working on managing them!
Sweetlove - it's great that you aren't self concious about them, that was my point in this thread, there are so many people with difficulties, be they big or small, and I wonder how many people actually see them as a problem? Because most of us just get on with things and work around things and I think it's amazing that people never complain even when they have the right too!
[...] that was my point in this thread, there are so many people with difficulties, be they big or small, and I wonder how many people actually see them as a problem? Because most of us just get on with things and work around things and I think it's amazing that people never complain even when they have the right too!
I don't consider my challenges to be "problems". However, I do regard people who thoughtlessly or deliberately exclude me based on those challenges to most definitely be a problem with a capital PROB.
For example, the owner of the Dublin polyamory group has been pontificating about inclusion and support and encouragement since the beginning of the group in 2007, which was also when I began participating in it. Since April 2008 I have spoken with him, emailed him, and posted group notices addressed to him about my mobility requirements and limitations. Although he responds in a way which on the surface sounds sympathetic, he has persisted in planning every single group event to exclude me from his group which is supposed to be so inclusive for poly people, such as 5th September's 7 km cliff walk, and booking meetings in venues with tricky stairs and no lift. To add insult to injury he requests donations so he can continue to be so open and inclusive and welcoming to all poly people everywhere! What a slimeball.
During one of my many attempts to get him to be more inclusive, he sympathised that I live in Ireland (where he also lives), it must be so difficult, blah blah blah, and I told him that "Ireland" is just fine, it's individual people thoughtlessly excluding me which is my biggest problem. His response was to inform me that I was welcome to cease my participation. Trying to get people like him who on the one hand go on and on about how great they are to actually see what they're doing and do something about it is one of the largest and most recurring frustrations of my life.
This is my usual experience of people who exclude and who think that my situation is "the problem". I consider my situation to be just fine, that they are "the problem". I mean, if I were a person of colour and I was excluded for that reason, could they get away with blaming me for being a colour? If I explicitly specify my limits and requirements, I don't see how he can just ignore that. But he does. Many people do.
I can only conclude that one person's challenges can serve as a catalyst to expose another person's arsebucketness. What a shame there turn out to be so very many arsebuckets.
Dyspraxias a bit better known now than it was - my daughter (10) is dyspraxic
i can totally agree with this. i was diagnosed when i was 9 (so just over 10 years ago) and befre the diagnosis i was just told i was stupid and wouldnt amount to more than shelf stacking or waiting tables.
i know most of us find "ways round things" but as most people will know dyslexia/dyspraxia and thyroid conditions are life long. so ive never known any different to be honest
[...] that was my point in this thread, there are so many people with difficulties, be they big or small, and I wonder how many people actually see them as a problem? Because most of us just get on with things and work around things and I think it's amazing that people never complain even when they have the right too!
I don't consider my challenges to be "problems". However, I do regard people who thoughtlessly or deliberately exclude me based on those challenges to most definitely be a problem with a capital PROB.
Yes, that's the way I see it, I have dodgey joints yes, is it a problem for me? No, do I have to make adjustments, yes, is that a problem? No!
I tend not to tell people that I have a joint condition, I just sit and get angry when they complain that "my feet hurt from standing" when I've been silent about my chronic pain or when they say "I only had 4hours sleep last night" when I would kill for 4 hours lol! I know that's really my issue 'cause I haven't told them but it still annoys me hehe!
I tend to focus on the positives with my condition.....Yes I have chronic pain which could get worse but it means I can sympathise with others with similar conditions ("normal" people tend to find it hard to understand as they have never experienced what it is like to expect pain every moment of every day!)....And it means I am more aware of how my body works, I know what to take seriously and what to ignore...and if anyone has a headache, I'm your girl, I always carry at least 4 types of painkiller with me hehe!
In terms of sex, the positives are harder to find, but I tend to try not to worry too much, as sweetlove says, there are always things around these issues (again, I'm avoiding the word problem as I don't think these things are viewed as problems by the majority!)
Sweetlove, I can relate to your story, my brother used to get yelled at...things like.."but you just read that word fine on the other page, why can't you now?!" or "you know how to write forwards so why are you writing backwards!"....people just assumed he was thick, and he's not, he's very bright, he just can't read or write....Well done for proving them wrong External Media
I don't consider my challenges to be "problems". However, I do regard people who thoughtlessly or deliberately exclude me based on those challenges to most definitely be a problem with a capital PROB.
Yes, that's the way I see it, I have dodgey joints yes, is it a problem for me? No, do I have to make adjustments, yes, is that a problem? No!
I tend not to tell people that I have a joint condition, I just sit and get angry when they complain that "my feet hurt from standing" when I've been silent about my chronic pain or when they say "I only had 4hours sleep last night" when I would kill for 4 hours lol! I know that's really my issue 'cause I haven't told them but it still annoys me hehe!
One thing I find is that pain, discomfort, and any kind of adversity is not a competition. Just because I may experience something unpleasant, that doesn't make anybody else's unpleasantness any less unpleasant for them. And I don't need people to remain silent about their pain just because mine may or may not be worse than theirs. As I see it, their experiences are completely separate and unrelated to mine.
So if somebody tells me something hurts or feels bad, then I can sympathise because stuff feeling bad really sucks. Their unpleasant experiences don't make mine any better or worse - how can they? So when a person tells me about their unpleasantness I don't take it as a reflection on me or my suffering.
I know that when somebody tells me that my thing can't possibly be bothering me because they have a thing which is so much worse, that really bugs me. I mean, gee, if I feel unwell then you must be healthy because you cannot possibly feel as unwell as I do? If I win some imaginary prize for the most suffering, then that makes your suffering meaningless? That kind of logic makes no sense to me.
So I consider everybody's pain to be sucky, that one person's pain being severe doesn't ease anybody else's moderate pain, that one person's suffering has no impact on anybody else's suffering, and that all suffering sucks.
I don't know if that made any sense, but hell, it's late, sue me. :p
I don't consider my challenges to be "problems". However, I do regard people who thoughtlessly or deliberately exclude me based on those challenges to most definitely be a problem with a capital PROB.
Yes, that's the way I see it, I have dodgey joints yes, is it a problem for me? No, do I have to make adjustments, yes, is that a problem? No!
I tend not to tell people that I have a joint condition, I just sit and get angry when they complain that "my feet hurt from standing" when I've been silent about my chronic pain or when they say "I only had 4hours sleep last night" when I would kill for 4 hours lol! I know that's really my issue 'cause I haven't told them but it still annoys me hehe!
One thing I find is that pain, discomfort, and any kind of adversity is not a competition. Just because I may experience something unpleasant, that doesn't make anybody else's unpleasantness any less unpleasant for them. And I don't need people to remain silent about their pain just because mine may or may not be worse than theirs. As I see it, their experiences are completely separate and unrelated to mine.
So if somebody tells me something hurts or feels bad, then I can sympathise because stuff feeling bad really sucks. Their unpleasant experiences don't make mine any better or worse - how can they? So when a person tells me about their unpleasantness I don't take it as a reflection on me or my suffering.
I know that when somebody tells me that my thing can't possibly be bothering me because they have a thing which is so much worse, that really bugs me. I mean, gee, if I feel unwell then you must be healthy because you cannot possibly feel as unwell as I do? If I win some imaginary prize for the most suffering, then that makes your suffering meaningless? That kind of logic makes no sense to me.
So I consider everybody's pain to be sucky, that one person's pain being severe doesn't ease anybody else's moderate pain, that one person's suffering has no impact on anybody else's suffering, and that all suffering sucks.
I don't know if that made any sense, but hell, it's late, sue me. :p
It made sense and I do agree....I know that people are working from a different starting point than me, and I also know my nerves are screwed (due to constant stimulation) so I feel things differently so I have a lot of sympathy for anyone suffering with pain...particularly joint pain as I can relate to that and don't like to see anyone suffer with it!...
I just don't have sympathy for people who moan....I mean really, do you need to go on and on about something that you won't change? Mention it once or twice by all means, ask for advice, painkilers or try and do something to make the situation better, mention it in reference if there is something you can't do as a result.....but some people make no effort to feel better, and then just moan about it instead, in my opinion, people have more of a right to moan if they have done everything within their power to improve things!
And no someone elses pain can't make yours worse or better, but when you work so hard to forget and ignore the pain it's not nice to be reminded....
I tend to try and be positive, so maybe my statement should have been that negative people annoy me!
I tend not to tell people that I have a joint condition, I just sit and get angry when they complain that "my feet hurt from standing" when I've been silent about my chronic pain or when they say "I only had 4hours sleep last night" when I would kill for 4 hours lol! I know that's really my issue 'cause I haven't told them but it still annoys me hehe!
One thing I find is that pain, discomfort, and any kind of adversity is not a competition. Just because I may experience something unpleasant, that doesn't make anybody else's unpleasantness any less unpleasant for them. And I don't need people to remain silent about their pain just because mine may or may not be worse than theirs. As I see it, their experiences are completely separate and unrelated to mine. [...]
I know that when somebody tells me that my thing can't possibly be bothering me because they have a thing which is so much worse, that really bugs me. I mean, [...] If I win some imaginary prize for the most suffering, then that makes your suffering meaningless? That kind of logic makes no sense to me.
So I consider everybody's pain to be sucky, [...] and that all suffering sucks.
I don't know if that made any sense, but hell, it's late, sue me. :p
It made sense and I do agree....I know that people are working from a different starting point than me, and I also know my nerves are screwed (due to constant stimulation) so I feel things differently so I have a lot of sympathy for anyone suffering with pain...particularly joint pain as I can relate to that and don't like to see anyone suffer with it!...
I just don't have sympathy for people who moan....I mean really, do you need to go on and on about something that you won't change? Mention it once or twice by all means, ask for advice, painkilers or try and do something to make the situation better, mention it in reference if there is something you can't do as a result.....but some people make no effort to feel better, and then just moan about it instead, in my opinion, people have more of a right to moan if they have done everything within their power to improve things!
And no someone elses pain can't make yours worse or better, but when you work so hard to forget and ignore the pain it's not nice to be reminded....
I tend to try and be positive, so maybe my statement should have been that negative people annoy me!
Ok, I agree, I think that all of us feel annoyed if anybody goes on and on and on about stuff that bothers them, because that kind of conversation tends to be unpleasant, even if the thing they're going on about is actually a severe problem.
I think your instinct to counter it with competitive pain measurement might not be the most effective strategy though, because that just keeps them talking about their crap. I think they're more about attention seeking than pain solving, because as you have already noticed, usually the complainers go on about stuff that isn't very severe. So the problem is attention seeking, not pain - pain is just what they're using to get the attention. And even though you're annoyed, you're giving it to them. Oops. :p
I find that if I want to change the subject, I'll tell them something silly and stupid like,
"You know nothing about suffering, check out how my pencil clashes with my outfit. Now that's pain! Ohhhh, the ahhhhhh-go-neeeeeeeee..."
That usually gets a laugh and the subject gets changed away from the attention seeker. Result. :)
I think your instinct to counter it with competitive pain measurement might not be the most effective strategy though, because that just keeps them talking about their crap. I think they're more about attention seeking than pain solving, because as you have already noticed, usually the complainers go on about stuff that isn't very severe. So the problem is attention seeking, not pain - pain is just what they're using to get the attention. And even though you're annoyed, you're giving it to them. Oops. :p
I find that if I want to change the subject, I'll tell them something silly and stupid like,
"You know nothing about suffering, check out how my pencil clashes with my outfit. Now that's pain! Ohhhh, the ahhhhhh-go-neeeeeeeee..."
That usually gets a laugh and the subject gets changed away from the attention seeker. Result. :)
You're right and I love your suggestion! I never compete with pain though, they are thoughts that I don't mention because I don't feel worthy of sympathy and thus don't like receiving it!
I find that if I want to change the subject, I'll tell them something silly and stupid like,
"You know nothing about suffering, check out how my pencil clashes with my outfit. Now that's pain! Ohhhh, the ahhhhhh-go-neeeeeeeee..."
That usually gets a laugh and the subject gets changed away from the attention seeker. Result. :)
You're right and I love your suggestion! I never compete with pain though, they are thoughts that I don't mention because I don't feel worthy of sympathy and thus don't like receiving it!
Oh, yeah, that is such a popular one this season! I find it works for me to go totally over the top in what might be considered the "wrong" direction, because the reassuring "Oh, yes, you are definitely worth sympathy and you matter" etc tends to get a "No I'm not" and that is definitely a nowhere argument. :p So I say stuff more like:
"You suck and are vile and you're getting no sympathy from me because nobody would notice if you disappeared, I'd rather have a jar of mayonnaise than you as a partner, because a jar of mayonnaise is a better conversationalist."
And usually I either get a laugh or else they see how they were putting themselves down and stop doing it or else they get amazingly upset. Fortunately, that last one happens only very rarely and I think it's really unavoidable.
But I think I understand. The more I need something (help or whatever) the harder it is to ask for it because the fear of being denied what I need grows with how much I need it, if you know what I mean? That's part of why it is so utterly horrible to try to sort out accessibility with arsewipes like the leader of that poly group, because without thinking he's just keeping me out without doing a thing, and he doesn't give a shit because he thinks I'm making trouble or something, and how am I suppose to argue with that? Grrr. Ok, sorry for hijacking with my prematurely ejaculated rant.
I find that if I want to change the subject, I'll tell them something silly and stupid like,
"You know nothing about suffering, check out how my pencil clashes with my outfit. Now that's pain! Ohhhh, the ahhhhhh-go-neeeeeeeee..."
That usually gets a laugh and the subject gets changed away from the attention seeker. Result. :)
You're right and I love your suggestion! I never compete with pain though, they are thoughts that I don't mention because I don't feel worthy of sympathy and thus don't like receiving it!
Oh, yeah, that is such a popular one this season! I find it works for me to go totally over the top in what might be considered the "wrong" direction, because the reassuring "Oh, yes, you are definitely worth sympathy and you matter" etc tends to get a "No I'm not" and that is definitely a nowhere argument. :p So I say stuff more like:
"You suck and are vile and you're getting no sympathy from me because nobody would notice if you disappeared, I'd rather have a jar of mayonnaise than you as a partner, because a jar of mayonnaise is a better conversationalist."
And usually I either get a laugh or else they see how they were putting themselves down and stop doing it or else they get amazingly upset. Fortunately, that last one happens only very rarely and I think it's really unavoidable.
But I think I understand. The more I need something (help or whatever) the harder it is to ask for it because the fear of being denied what I need grows with how much I need it, if you know what I mean? That's part of why it is so utterly horrible to try to sort out accessibility with arsewipes like the leader of that poly group, because without thinking he's just keeping me out without doing a thing, and he doesn't give a shit because he thinks I'm making trouble or something, and how am I suppose to argue with that? Grrr. Ok, sorry for hijacking with my prematurely ejaculated rant.
I wonder if they have a rant delay cream? :p
You do make me smile!
I would be careful with the sympathy quote though, although I guess you could argue that if it upset someone then it is their own issues with themselves to blame....I would guess people who genuinely have issues with self worth wouldn't argue with you if you said they were deserving as they wouldn't want to draw attention to themselves.
You are right, fear of people not understanding is not fun! I do sympathise with you, thoughtless people are the worst type of people, you can't even put your mind at rest by saying "at least they tried" because they obviously didn't!
I find it works for me to go totally over the top in what might be considered the "wrong" direction, because the reassuring "Oh, yes, you are definitely worth sympathy and you matter" etc tends to get a "No I'm not" and that is definitely a nowhere argument. :p So I say stuff more like:
"You suck and are vile and you're getting no sympathy from me because nobody would notice if you disappeared, I'd rather have a jar of mayonnaise than you as a partner, because a jar of mayonnaise is a better conversationalist."
And usually I either get a laugh or else they see how they were putting themselves down and stop doing it or else they get amazingly upset. Fortunately, that last one happens only very rarely and I think it's really unavoidable.
But I think I understand. The more I need something (help or whatever) the harder it is to ask for it because the fear of being denied what I need grows with how much I need it, if you know what I mean? That's part of why it is so utterly horrible to try to sort out accessibility with arsewipes like the leader of that poly group, because without thinking he's just keeping me out without doing a thing, and he doesn't give a shit because he thinks I'm making trouble or something, and how am I suppose to argue with that? Grrr. Ok, sorry for hijacking with my prematurely ejaculated rant.
I wonder if they have a rant delay cream? :p
You do make me smile!
I would be careful with the sympathy quote though, although I guess you could argue that if it upset someone then it is their own issues with themselves to blame....I would guess people who genuinely have issues with self worth wouldn't argue with you if you said they were deserving as they wouldn't want to draw attention to themselves.
You are right, fear of people not understanding is not fun! I do sympathise with you, thoughtless people are the worst type of people, you can't even put your mind at rest by saying "at least they tried" because they obviously didn't!
Well, one thing that I really have a big problem with is people who try to force me into a validation spiral, where they say "I'm really shit" and I say "No you're not, you're great, you're really worthwhile" and they say "I am too, I suck".
I find that what they really want is one of two things, either they want me to keep telling them how great they are even though they are going to argue all day about it, or else they truly believe they're shit and just want somebody to help them believe it by arguing with them. Either way I don't like being manipulated like that even though they usually don't know they're doing it. You might be surprised how many people with self esteem issues will insist that they're shit, and will argue all day about it if you let them.
So I make my agreement as ridiculous as possible, because who on earth is going to believe that I really think a jar of mayonnaise can talk better than a person? If it goes badly then I know there was nothing I could have done except walk away, and I think it's impossible to always 100% of the time make the right choice about that. So sometimes I fuck it up, and oh well, I'm human, I'm allowed to be flawed. :)
You are obviously a really confident person (either that or you are fab at faking it!) and I admire that! I am working on having such confidence....but then going back to the original point in this thread, I bet confidence issues affects a fair few people's sex lives!
heya all, browsing though the site ive seen this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16715 it would be brill for sex, but its also great for those of us who have balance problems and need help getting in and out of the shower!!
heya all, browsing though the site ive seen this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16715 it would be brill for sex, but its also great for those of us who have balance problems and need help getting in and out of the shower!!
hat's the main reason im getting one :D
I agree, but they're available for half the price on Amazon:
heya all, browsing though the site ive seen this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16715 it would be brill for sex, but its also great for those of us who have balance problems and need help getting in and out of the shower!!
hat's the main reason im getting one :D
I agree, but they're available for half the price on Amazon:
So I make my agreement as ridiculous as possible, because who on earth is going to believe that I really think a jar of mayonnaise can talk better than a person? If it goes badly then I know there was nothing I could have done except walk away, and I think it's impossible to always 100% of the time make the right choice about that. So sometimes I fuck it up, and oh well, I'm human, I'm allowed to be flawed. :)
I'm really glad I made you smile. :)
Hmmm I've met some people who provide a worse convesation than a jar of mayo... Mayonnaise can't be ignorantExternal Media
