So... On Monday, I placed a pretty big (for the casual buyer anyway - 5 items) order, in preparation for one simple task: To see how far the wife will go.
Tonight was the first opportunity I've had to use them all, and so, with hands tied to the iron bed head and blind firmly over her eyes, it was time to play.
First item to "step up" was the value lightweight ball gag (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11018); can't have her screaming the house down, can I? Now, she's wanted a gag for ages, and yet bizarrely never bought one; I suppose that she has been quite dependant on the high street before, and other than those seedy, windowless stores in anonymous back alleys there isn't many places you'll really get one. Packaging is pretty non-existant; it's a ziplock bag. But how is it in use? Well, from my perspective, it's a bit of a pig on the fastener (it's a belt-style peg-and-hole fastener; if your partner has longish hair, this is quite awkward), and it's pretty easy to take the ball out and shift it down without unfastening it at all. The tighter hole hurt her face, so that's not an issue. From her perspective, it was great; that's all she says about it, as she just loves it.
Next to get some use, to get her good and warmed up, was the LoveHoney Dream Egg (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=12138). Packaging isn't expansive; it's a pretty basic vacuum form in two halves, with a piece of card with the usual blurb on (and two sets of batteries; from other reviews, this is key - they're fiddly hard to get little ones, and run out fast). In practice, it's not too loud to use in public, it's powerful enough (the wife's a strong vibe addict, and with her fingers gave it 3/5), and it has a good retrieval loopcord. On the downside, the remote's tempramental (I had a finger on top of it to make sure it worked, in case), and you have to flick through all the modes to power it down. The wife's opinion is that it does it's job, and nothing more; it's a great combination toy, but not powerful enough to stand alone (she admits that's probably to keep it quiet, though).
Next, we got a little more interesting with the nipple pump kit (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=9831), which got a reaction straight away; I could hear her gasp straight away. She's not got the smallest of nipples, so I went straight for the bigger pump (there's two, one big one small; it's almost a his and hers kit!) and the smallest rings (the bigger rings will need some seriously large nipples, I think). From my perspective, it's a bit fiddly; there's no valve, so you get one suck to get it right in, and you have to roll the ring over the end pretty fast. Still, they did the job well once I got the hang of it; they're still sensitive now, and it's been an hour since I took them off! Packaging wise, yet again it's minimal, with a 2-piece vacuum form, card insert, and the rubber rings taped inside.
Briefly, I even used the squeezer teaser nipple clamps (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1769) - that didn't last long, though; I think it's a mood thing to be honest, as you'd certainly have to be in the mood to want to use them. They're very strong, the rubber ends are corrugated and as such hurt even more, and the string attached (for the brave!) can be used to attach weights. I'll have to give these another shot another day, as they were a step too far tonight...
Finally, and with a little fanfare (she had the blindfold and the gag mainly so she wouldn't know about this!), there came the clear clitoral pump set (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=6416) - some assembly required. Now, this thing screams "I am a clinical device", from the comedically clumsy German box translation (which, I think, was almost as fun as using the device; "assistance without adverse effects also with problems of frigidity, with climacteric (sic) period complaints, for stabilisation of the psyche" was a particular favourite) to the actual device (plain black rubber bulb, clear plastic tubing and device, little yellow valve cover - like a blood pressure cuff, oddly). Still, it's very simple in use; attach tube to cup, close valve, pump air out until she can't take any more. The clear cup makes this quite a show; her privates were drawn completely in and pressed up against the cup, red and swollen and totally viewable. Then, you just release the valve, remove the cup, and all the blood slowly seeps back. Until it does, sensitivity shoots through the roof; the box isn't joking when it says "for a healthy vulva"... Her impressions? Utterly amazing, but she can't look at a gas mask in the same way ever again.
And that's all after the FIRST try; I plan on having a couple more plays with each before submitting proper reviews.