Cuquean: - A husband who cheats on his wife, openly and with his wife's permission and encouragement.
I was just wondering what your thoughts on it were, or if there were even people out there who live, or have dabbled in that lifestyle.
See, I'm confused. I want my husband to sleep with other women. Well, I fantasize about it anyhow.
I don't know why I want it, or where these desires have come from, and I'm finding it very confusing... it feels wrong, yet so right. I can't even explain properly. The thought of my husband with another women excites me so much, I want to feel jealous, humiliated. The thought of it turns me on so much. I want to see and hear that my husband is pleasing another woman, to listen to him compliment her... I could go on and on. Even writing that turns me on! But, although it's harmless fantasy it leaves me feeling guilty - I love my husband more than anything in the world, so why would I want to share him? The key word 'share' – I wouldn't want him to 'cheat' without my knowledge. I don't know. This is the weirdest fantasy I've ever had. The strongest urging fantasies I've ever had too.
I've been completely honest with my husband, and he knows I love him and this doesn't affect our relationship in any negative way. In fact there's times it spices things up as we share fantasies, And we know that's as far as it will ever go for us. He's admitted it's a turn on for him to, but he couldn't sleep with another woman as I'm the only woman he wants. (Awwwwww)
I'm not looking to 'fix' things, I would just like to chat to people about this really. (As it's not something I can chat about with my friends or family) And the Lovehoney bunch seem to be friendly and helpful....
Believe it or not, your fantasy isn't terribly uncommon. It may be more typical amonst men, but women seem to be gaining on...Since the 60s attitudes toward relationships have changed tremendously across all the classes.
You're young — don't temp it beyond fantasy. Obviously once consented, it can't be rescinded and you may regret/resent it for a long, long time. However, well done your husband: I don't know many who if their wives/GF etc. even raised the notion in the loosest of terms would be gallant enough to reject it. It seems you're a very lucky lady.
Psychology never has been a strong point nor have I held too much truck with it, so not sure I can effectively counsel you on your guilt. That said, perhaps you feel compelled to share him because you think he is inherently worth sharing with others on whatever basis, but he's all yours? Given your submissive nature is it just as possible you feel some modicum of need to be treated badly, but without the harsh realities of being with somebody so contemptable?
Coversely, you may feel guilty given his expressed loyalty as it would be wrong to suggest something he doesn't want to do, or you're a touch frightened he would leave you for another.
It's absolutely normal to posses conflicting emotions about anything like this. Most people across the course of a lifetime will think or fantasise about something morally/emotionally dubious and never act on it. So long and you can contain the fantasy within your marriage and not involve others, I'm sure it won't do you any harm.
Mr Socks is right, my OH does have a huge fantasy of coming home to find me with another man or to find i've been with another man and then proceed to tell him about it.
- I love my husband more than anything in the world, so why would I want to share him? The key word 'share' – I wouldn't want him to 'cheat' without my knowledge. I don't know.
This is really intriguing, SHF.
Normally a woman would feel threatened and insecure if their partner strayed in the direction of another woman. I guess her reason for feeling threatened, is that she has singled him out as being 'high quality'.... and of sufficient high quality for him to be worth mating and reproducing with. So it makes sense for the woman to want to keep him loyal..... not lose him (her 'mating' property) to another woman.
But your fantasy turns this 'normal' behaviour on it's head. Something different is obviously motivating your thinking.
I'm wondering if the key to the mystery lies in your words quoted above. The idea of him going behind your back.... ie preferring another partner in preference to you..... is, for you, abhorant and disturbing. But for you to SHARE him.... ie you approve the match..... is a situation that's 'under control'. There's no infidelity, because you have approved it.
So there's no threat posed to you by this idea, that forms your fantasy.
But what is it that you stand to GAIN from your partner being with another woman? Well, if another woman says 'Wow ! I like the look of this guy.... I want his semen'..... she's confirming your high opinion of him. She's saying 'Nice choice Ms SHF !!' She's also saying you must be pretty cool, for a man of this quality to be interested in you.
There's the motivation. The woman confirms your partner is great..... and confirms that you also must be really top quality.
(Give me your email..... and I'll send my invoice) : ))
Interesting logic Lifebuoy. You're a better man than I. I'm promptly reapprasing my stance vis-à-vis SHF's rationale.
Hypothetically, in the scenario you have presented, do you think there genuinely would be more control in 'sharing'? Bearing in mind of course, that there would still be two independant psyches at work and the potential even with intial consent, to eventually switch allegiance or preference to somebody else in the event they're viewed as superior.
Interesting logic Lifebuoy. You're a better man than I. I'm promptly reapprasing my stance vis-à-vis SHF's rationale.
Hypothetically, in the scenario you have presented, do you think there genuinely would be more control in 'sharing'? Bearing in mind of course, that there would still be two independant psyches at work and the potential even with intial consent, to eventually switch allegiance or preference to somebody else in the event they're viewed as superior.
Well it's not actual 'control' is it? It's the perception of being in control. Thinking you are in control makes it possible to entertain the idea of your partner sleeping with someone else. But yes.... thinking you are in control in these circumstances, may well be a delusion (self deception).
"Cuckold historically referred to a husband with an adulterous wife and is still often used with this meaning. Since the 1990s, the term has also been widely used to refer to a sexual fetish in which the fetishist is stimulated by their committed partner choosing to have sex with someone else" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckold
"Definition of Cuckquean: noun - a woman whose husband is unfaithful to her
This is the most basic definition. In terms of a relationship, many would consider a girlfriend with an unfaithful boyfriend to be a cuckquean as well. In terms of a fetish, Cuckqueaning can involve aspects of humiliation, forced bisexuality and the inclusion of other fetishes. A cuckquean fetishist is aware of her spouse's activity, most likely actively encouraging it, and derives sexual pleasure from it. A Cuckquean is a female version of a Cuckold" http://cuckqueaned.com/
"Cuckold historically referred to a husband with an adulterous wife and is still often used with this meaning. Since the 1990s, the term has also been widely used to refer to a sexual fetish in which the fetishist is stimulated by their committed partner choosing to have sex with someone else"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckold
"Definition of Cuckquean: noun - a woman whose husband is unfaithful to her
This is the most basic definition. In terms of a relationship, many would consider a girlfriend with an unfaithful boyfriend to be a cuckquean as well. In terms of a fetish, Cuckqueaning can involve aspects of humiliation, forced bisexuality and the inclusion of other fetishes. A cuckquean fetishist is aware of her spouse's activity, most likely actively encouraging it, and derives sexual pleasure from it. A Cuckquean is a female version of a Cuckold"
http://cuckqueaned.com/
Ah! I recognise the term 'cuckold' from Shakespeare.... and thought it meant a dupe or 'foolish fellow'. Interesting what you wrote. Amazing how my knowledge of non-mainstream sex is expanding in the place!
Watch-out, the next girlfriend! I shall have a repertoire to astonish !!
Expand on the shakespeare please Lifebuoy, I've heard of shakespeare (obviously) but other than Romeo and Juliet (2006 movie with Leonardo Dicapriohave) never read or seen any of his plays. I googled cuckold and shakespeare and: "Cuckold-is a man whose wife is cheating on him. It usually implies he is oblivious to her indiscretions. In Othello (Act IV, Scene iii, 75-77), Shakespeare's character Emilia says, "Who would not make her husband a cuckold to make him a monarch?" She is meaning that any woman would sleep with another man if doing so would give her husband a position of power." http://voices.yahoo.com/common-shakespearean-word-meanings-5360187.html
Expand on the shakespeare please Lifebuoy, I've heard of shakespeare (obviously) but other than Romeo and Juliet (2006 movie with Leonardo Dicapriohave) never read or seen any of his plays.
I googled cuckold and shakespeare and:
"Cuckold-is a man whose wife is cheating on him. It usually implies he is oblivious to her indiscretions. In Othello (Act IV, Scene iii, 75-77), Shakespeare's character Emilia says, "Who would not make her husband a cuckold to make him a monarch?" She is meaning that any woman would sleep with another man if doing so would give her husband a position of power."
http://voices.yahoo.com/common-shakespearean-word-meanings-5360187.html
Hmmm.... I can't be specific. I studied various plays at 'O' and 'A' level..... but it's too long ago to recall exactly where I encountered the term in Shakespeare's plays. It sounds like a term the Fool might call on to goad King Lear. But can't be sure. Anyway... thanks for your research and enlightening me on it's true meaning.
Too bad I haven't had a girlfriend who was willing to use her charms to advance ME to royal rank. ....Huh! : }
You have described EXACTLY how I feel, as you have read in the posts, this is not that uncommen for a man to want to hear about his wife being shared, I would love for her to play away and then tell me about it, I work some nights and my fantasy is for her to call me at work while shes getting f...ed , please feel free to email me if you want to chat off this site, I would love to be able to talf to a like minded person and to get a female side to this, hope your fantasy comes true
I couldn't think of anything worse, and I'm pretty sure my husband would feel the same.
But everyone is different, and from you saying that you wouldn't want him to cheat on you behind your back, seems like there is love in the relationship.
Personally, to me, it sounds like maybe you or him has some confidence issues or may feel self-conscious. I am so proud of my husband I love showing him off, and it makes me feel better about myself because he's all mine!! Maybe someone else being attracted to your husband is something you like because you know he'll always come back to you, and that makes you feel more confident. Or maybe picturing him being with someone else makes him appear more confident?