I was in a simular situation a few years ago,our kids were young I was doing very long hours in work and exhausted when I got home,so my wife had so much to do at home. Then all of a sudden it was like my wife just flicked a switch and things went back to the way we were when we were younger,actually probably better because she’s actually the one that discovered lovehoney and toys etc became a thing.
We are together 25 years and we’ve stayed intimate for years now since then. I asked a year or two ago what changed and my wife said when I switched jobs and I was home more I did a lot more unknowingly to me that lessened her work load and most importantly she said I made her laugh again.
I didn’t realise any of this. I did notice the lack of sex and intimacy but I put that down to a few extreme tragedies we’ve gone through together so I was never gonna mention it. I also didn’t notice I was doing anything different. But I was home a lot more after the job change.
I can be a bit of a joker and can be quick whited sometimes so I would tend to joke about mundane things, my wife said making her laugh and how I’ve told her how much I love her and how beautiful she is every single day since we got married eventually made her snap out of the rut she had found herself in.
My advice would be think back to before children what did your wife like then. What did she like to do where did she like to go what made you both fall in love???
I’m no expert by any means but I always feel like we are the same two people as we were when we met,we just have a few more people to look after, I even refuse to call my wife a woman because she is my girl, and she will always be my girl.
I also started sending my wife the most cringe-iest but also intimate and funny poems once or sometimes twice a week she gets a kick out of them and it’s a way to talk about sexual stuff in a humorous way then too.
Goodluck I hope you find a way as I know how a lack of intimacy can really get you down.
Have you thought of going to a massage parlour.
I think everybody covered just about any angle of approaching your issues . My wife and I have been married 37 years , she became disabled with chronic pain about 23 years ago . She is pretty inactive and has gained much weight and has very low self esteem . She has zero sex drive , myself not too much more than when I was 20 . In the beginning of zero sex I got quite depressed and threw away many sex toys . Very rarely did I pleasure myself . Many years ago I was a body builder and also an emergency medical technician . It dawned on me if I did not keep the plumbing operating that my testosterone would drop , which in turn lets the body deteriorate . I have been a self pleasure expert ever since . I do not have the luxury of time to work out , but physically work a fair amount . I do 99% of our housework and tend to her medical requirements . She suggested several times I get a fuck buddy , but could never do that . She will talk about sex every once in a while , but generally will not . I feel for you buddy . Good luck however you proceed . 
Yeah I can’t really add anymore but hope things improve for all going through this. I wonder if counseling could help but some have mentioned SO is not interested. I’ve had buddies going through this and it’s tough to hear their pain and frustration.
Please don’t apologise @ApolloSwallow - that’s a really insightful post which helps, thank you.
Thanks @Love_my.sexy_wife-4ever - glad to see things worked out for you.
I’m assuming that’s a joke @user745 ? No interest in that.
Thanks @Oldman - I’ve seen your posts a few times and I think it’s admirable how you’ve always turned down that offer from your wife. I’m a big believer that marriage vows mean something, I didn’t take them lightly.
Don’t get me wrong, it does get me down and it’s hard not to feel lonely, ugly and unattractive. But I made a promise and I’m still madly in love with her. I don’t want anyone but her.
I hate this for you both. Everyone is different, I only shared how our story progressed in an attempt to be helpful. Perhaps some couples therapy where you can each speak individually and then later together with the same therapist? I know if she won’t speak to you about it, talking with a stranger maybe be completely out of the question…or it might just work? No way of knowing, again, I’m only attempting to be helpful here. Life is short, be happy.
Know that I’m wishing you both all the best.
Well, as I was leaving for work yesterday, we shared a kiss that meant, despite me about to leave the house, a kiss turned in to something more (daughter was still asleep upstairs) so we had sex in the living room. Had to pause while I fetched a condom from our bedroom (can’t wait for my vasectomy - curse NHS waiting lists), will be glad when intimacy doesn’t have to pause for that. And she rode me on the sofa, saying something she’s never said before which brought things to a close (in a good way) - something I’ve fantasised about repeatedly, hence me not being able to control myself).
I’m going to persevere, and keep trying to talk things through, rather than giving up. I love her too much (and am too crazy about her) to do otherwise. I’m just not someone with a temper so tend to go inside myself rather than try get things out in the open.
One good thing was that she seems to have accepted that I think she’s incredibly sexy as a plus-size lady (my compliments usually cause a self-deprecating comment), but she seemed accepting. Her on top with her amazing tits in front of me also didn’t help / did help too much!
Well that’s a great update. Fingers crossed things continue to improve. x
Masturbation is so normal but people find it difficult to talk about. It is sex to enjoy either with someone or on your own. Whichever you choose enjoy. I am now sadly on my own. Because of ED I am unable to masturbate. It is a lonely feeling. To every forum member enjoy sex when you can. 