Too scared to try anal/anal play

So I’ve been working myself up about anal toys and sex. I’ve wanted to try it for years and love anal porn (tasteful) my husband is definitely happy to try it but I’m so anxious about it.

I’d love to try double penetration also but I feel like I have these fantasies but am too scared to do them!

I’ve bought heaps of plugs, lube and a small anal dildo and my husband and I have opened them but I haven’t tried. He has tried his butt plug and loved it but isn’t using it much now.

I can’t even do it In solo play! I have no idea why. I think I’m embarrassed or something and scared if I will smell or bleed even with lube as once a few months ago I stuck my finger in to see how it felt LOL but I had a little blood on my finger after and loo paper no issues after but.

I know, I should just do it but I think I’ll have to try with my husband over doing it alone.

Suggestions? New to trying new things and trying to spice it up :slight_smile:


If you had blood , you really need to get that checked out . Probably nothing , but better safe than sorry .
On the main question I’d say that if you’re anxious about it , it might be best not to try yet until you’re more relaxed.
When you do , use plenty of lube , and then some more . Make sure your husband is gentle, but if it gets painful, stop and try later .
Many enjoy it , but it isn’t for everyone

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Sorry I should have said I did get checked. All was fine. It was a fissure.

Thank you for your advice.

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This, so this.

I wanted to try anal play/sex because, you know, why not right? It’s kind of kinky and I like kinky things, but anal play just… isn’t for me. Sometimes it’s kind of for me, but for the most part it feels like “pooping in reverse”, which feels anything but sexy.

I’m also very tight back there and I have some nerve damage (yeeted off of a darling horse at a gymkhana) so I have to really, really want it, which - as someone who also has anxiety - is rare. If my brain is preoccupied with the state of the world, anal play probably isn’t happening.

It’s good that your husband enjoyed it, but don’t pressure yourself to enjoy it as well. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. Sometimes we do discover fantasies that need to stay as just that. It happens.


Thank you, that’s very helpful :slight_smile:

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You’re very welcome. I’m glad I could help :slight_smile:

Slow and steady wins the race with plenty of lube! Start off small and work your way up in good time. Maybe have a nice shower or bath to relax yourself before playing.

Surprisingly first time anal can have a bit of blood as your stretching new areas what haven’t had this happen before and as the anal walls have a delicate membrane, it don’t take much to make it bleed a little and should heal in a day or so… only if it’s persistent bleeding for longer than a week should you then go get checked out :slightly_smiling_face:

Also it’s good to know that not all of us are right for anal and if it don’t feel nice then that’s ok, just means it’s not for you :nerd_face:

Have you considered douching for your preparation? It can help take away some of that anxiety about mess and smell, even though it’s all natural things that can happen as after all it’s a bum!


My best advice for anal is begin by exploring on your own without involvement of a partner. Incorporate light anal play in with your masturbation routine and take time to explore the area and get used to the sensations experienced. Use lots of lube and start small if introducing toys. Really try to relax and get aroused before hand as any tension you feel will likely transfer to having a tight butthole. Anal can be very pleasurable, however it can be a journey in learning to enjoy it.

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Thank you so much for your response. Great advice.

I’ll need to look that up as I’ve heard of it but don’t know much about it. I remember going to a Dr once who said never to do it (not that I had) cause it increases risk of something so that maybe put me off.

It looks so clean in anal porn ha ha :slight_smile:


Haha anal porn is made to look clean and sexy but if you was to see behind the scenes when they film, it’s soo unflattering as they probably won’t eat anything leading up to the filming and will be in the toilets douching out for ages while the crew can probably hear them farting away through the door :joy: and then during filming there’s often many start stop cuts and breaks needed for the guy to get hard again! :crazy_face:


I know :joy: it’s funny when you put it like that.

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If you think you have enough lube, you need more.

When you think you’ve for sure used too much lube, add some more and you’re probably close.


We experimented with some of the tapered, firm, anal bead style plugs long before we tried anal and that helped with getting familiar. I think we also actually did some pegging before ever doing anal with me in wife. The first time we tried anal it wasn’t much of a success: we probably didn’t have enough lube going on and we were trying just to try and weren’t all riled up and rearing to go. So it wasn’t particularly comfortable for wifey and I didn’t get much out of it as I was concerned about her comfort. We didn’t really try again for a long bit as it wasn’t high on either of our lists, but we did get a set of tapered small/graduated plugs to play with for me and her both.

Skip forward a few years when she’s pregnant with kiddo #2 and the 2nd trimester hormones kicked in and she out of nowhere started begging for anal and DP whenever we got #1 down for a good nap on a weekend. In that stage it was still a little uncomfortable and she enjoyed the “feeling dirty” of it more than the physical sensation, but then the brain is the most important sexual organ after all.

Now it’s a regular part of our repertoire and 90% of the time that we have anal she loves the feeling as well as the mental pieces.

Our tips:

  • Lots of lube. All the lube. Put a towel down. Until recently, we planned on changing the sheets any time we had anal cause we just got lube fricking everywhere.
  • If toys are too intimidating of a starting point, getting comfortable with letting your husband touch you is good. Our early anal usually started as a massage with copious amounts of coconut oil. Toward the end of the massage I’d start playing more around my wife’s tailbone, eventually working my way to using my thumb around her anus, and then inside - very oily - while I slid in PIV in what LH calls the “Hard Press” position. Doggy with a finger in also feels pretty great.
  • Hopefully this stage is enough to overcome stigma: I think if your husband can do this enthusiastically hopefully it will alleviate any concerns you have about cleanliness. When we start playing around the butt is there sometimes poo? Yup. And sometimes not. And sometimes when we go for PIV there’s poo outside when a trip to the toilet wasn’t cleaned as thoroughly as thought gasp. It happens. I ain’t gonna turn her away for it.
  • Get comfortable around the butt practicing with small plugs or dildos. Use them on him so that he knows how it feels. There’s benefit certainly to practicing on your own, but nothing wrong with asking your husband to put the plug in for you. Doggystyle is fantastic with a plug in.
  • Once you’re comfortable with a small plug, experiment with working up. Start with the small for a bit, and then switch to the next one during play. Continue up as comfortable.
  • Once you’ve gotten comfortable there, maybe you’re ready to try his penis - it’s helpful to do the plug warmup first to get comfortable with the stretch. I find it works best with a 10/10 erection, no semis. The anus is designed for pushing out, so the penis must be firm to gently push through that sphincter.
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Thank you for your great response. I’ll definitely take your advice.

I found some new plugs the three training ones that look less scary than the others I bought so I’ll try them soon.

I can relate to the increase In hormones when pregnant ha ha. But you’re very right about the “feeling dirty/naughty part” so true.

Thank you!

I remember once seeing a behind the scenes video on a porn scene and every time they had breaks the bottom person was farting away to try get all the air out of them for when they started to film again :rofl::joy:


Both Lu and I are fans of having things in our bottoms. For me though, that feeling when your heart starts racing and the butterflies start in your tummy as it all slowly begins… Then the amount of pleasure anal stimulation can give… There’s a world of fun to be had!

Can’t really add anything over the great tips and suggestions other people have put forward. Cannot stress enough that you must start slowly and we both find long slow exhalations as things are inserted helps when easing them in.

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My husband and I recently started getting into anal play and love it! It was a scary thought before but when we were in the moment and tried it we love it! Just made a big purchase will everything anal. so excited to try it!

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Best thing is to experiment on your own first, see what feels good, what doesn’t, knowing your limits etc, some prefer long thin toys, other thick and girthy, and sometimes it can get u expectedly messy, once you’re comfortable with what you can take etc, then experiment together, different positions can cause different sensations, sometimes it can make mrstoysrus squirt


I was scared of anal and it hurt me at first but practice is key (in my experience anyway) use a dildo and just keep practicing. Loads and loads of lube around the edge of your hole and on the dildo and just practice and imo the more you think about it the more scared you feel. Just do it when you’re real horny.

I’m going off my experience so maybe it’ll be the same for others


When she first pegged me , we started WAY TOO BIG ! As soon as my brain started , I got a very small tapered tee plug and still use that for warm ups before any of my other toys . AS @AJSTAR talked about the anal porn and what you don’t see , for me a sign it will be less messy is I often wait until after a bowel movement . Depending of firmness you can tell the playground will be good or not . For me anal douching does not work well , it seems to make it messier . Interesting how after 22 years of anal play , I get cravings for it . Now I am a solo act for any sex and when super hungry for anal I can have a two to three hour session and use many toys . Hope you have good luck and start enjoying anal .