Hi,
I am a gay man in a relationship with a trans man and I’m finding it hard to find toys that we can both receive pleasure from at the same time.
Would love some tips and ideas.
Thanks
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So we’ve got a strap on and he uses that on me but he doesn’t get anything from that. Tried using it with a vibe bullet but that makes it uncomfortable for him. I need like a thin vibe that can slip into the strap on pants but haven’t found one.
I’m afraid strap ons aren’t my forte, but there are quite a few different set ups depending on what you need? Would a harness allow more freedom to add a second toy in the right place? Or perhaps a hollow dildo?
Hi @JamesB22 
Welcome to the forum!
In terms of a vibe that can slip into strap on pants have you considered something like this Lovehoney clitoral caress or maybe the vibe pad would work as something to grind on slipped in there (though I don’t have first hand experience of how flexible this toy is as to whether this would work in practise but worth considering?) I think one of the in pants vibrators could well work for the situation though.
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This is a link to the Butterfly vibrators and vibrating knickers , some of which may fit your bill. Also, the wearable vibrators like this might well be ideal, there seem to be a few different branded but very similar ones with positive reviews.
There are obviously also vibrating strapless strap ons like this but these are probably not what he is after?
@Peitho thanks thats really helpful. Yeah he doesn’t like anything that penetrates him so the lay on ones are probably the better fit. The vibe pad looks like it would be good just a bit pricey. Will discuss with him and see. Thanks again! 
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I’d defo recommend a double ended dildo to try 
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@JamesB22 This knicker vibe is good
It’s quite flat and surprisingly strong vibrations. Plus it’s on sale at the moment.
Maybe this won’t be something he wants to try, but it could be a away to turn his thinking over penetration, on its head. Being a trans woman I get that he doesn’t like the idea of penetration.
If he could get in his head to repurpose the dysphoria sensations from penetration, it may help him. A mans penis shaft carries on into the body, under the scrotum then anchors somewhere inside just before the anus. Let him feel where it goes on you. If he used a strapless strapon and instead of thinking about it as being penetrated, though about it a having a " socket" into which he could plug a penis, so that he got to feel a physical connection to the toy, in much the same way a man feel his penis connected to his body.
With practice he could learn to convert the sensations he mind receives as a connection to his “new penis” as it were. He would then not be feeling the sensations as if being penetrated for sex, so not triggering the dysphoria.
Just something for him to think about; getting past dysphoria is all about reprogramming the mind to identify the bodies sensory inputs it a new way, which sits more easily with the new you.
Does he partake in any anal play for himself? Whilst his anatomy would mean there isn’t quite the same sensitive spots there, wearing something like a vibrating buttplug whilst using the strap on might give the right motions and sensations - maybe even with a knicker vibe placed against him behind the straps?
Personally as a female when we do anal play it really doesn’t take much external/clitoral stimulation to tip me over the edge so maybe that’s a direction to move in so that he can limit how much focus is needed on the parts that may make him uncomfortable?
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