Hi all I’m 31 years old and it takes forever to orgasm, think I’ve had like 3 in my life!! Is their any recommendations for toys that will help.
In terms of toys it's tricky because what works for one person won't always work for another! I love a rumbly toy, so a mains powered wand always tends to deliver, will also depend on how you like to be stimulated.
I've not always found getting to orgasm easy and used to suffer a lot from lost orgasms, for me it's actually all about a mental trigger and I need that before anything physical will work. So in practice this means my OH talking dirty in a specific way or fantasising in specific way, basically anything that pulls my personal mental triggers and then I am off!
Also worth adding that if you are distracted or not relaxed it could impede your orgasm, also overthinking it can stop it happening as well.
It might be worth thinking about the times that you have been able to orgasm and whether there are any common themes, ie. Position, what stimulation you were receiving, the setting you were in, what you were thinking about etc. Might help work out what you need.
Finally try not to worry that it takes time and you need a long build up, I used to stress about that and genuinely think it added to problem, once my OH reassured me that he didn't care how long it took and he was enjoying himself it really helped. The more I got to know my own body and relaxed into it the better it became. With good communication I can now orgasm a lot more than once.
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Hi Amy!
Most women need a lot of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Penetration feels good, but for 70-80% of us it is clit stim which gets us there. Like, maybe 30 minutes? And, after that, you can still enjoy penetrative sex - it won't put you or your partner off.
Many women find fingers or oral do the trick. But you asked about toys:
I'd try a decent bullet vibrator. You can play by yourself and then share with your partner when you know what works for you?
Lovehoney sell loads, so you could start of with an inexpensive battery one and see how you go.
The best known rechargeables seem to be the Desire (pretty powerful), the Mantic (good all rounder and small enough to fit between you and a partner) and the We-vibe Tango (plastic rather than silicone).
I think Smiffs and I posted at the same time - I'd agree with all she has said.
Even with the world's best toy, you would still struggle to orgasm if you aren't in the right mindset. Your brain is a large component to sexual arousal and stimulation. Don't try to focus on solely reaching an orgasm as it can make it harder. Relax and take the time to figure out what you like. Maybe you are into watching porn or reading sexy novels? Things like that can help.
When I started using toys, it took some time to learn to orgasm with them. I have a pretty sizable collection now and there are very few toys I can't orgasm with. I can't say I have an overall "orgasm master" toy, but there's a few notable ones I enjoy.
Wands are great as they offer broad stimulation and the orgasms from them can be pretty powerful. I really enjoy the Mantric Wand and the Tracy Cox squishy wand.
Clit suckers can literally make you orgasm in less than a minute. They can be good for people who struggle to orgasm. However, they can be fiddly to use (especially at first). I like my Satisfyer, but having an orgasm so quickly may not be for everyone who wants more of a build up.
Having a butt plug (or any other anal toy) can also help a lot if you're comfortable with it.
Rabbits are great for simultaneous internal and clitoral stimulation and can be easy to orgasm with if you get a good one that suits you. I like my Mantric Rabbit and Happy Rabbits. One of my Happy Rabbits is the G-spot one and that is quite good at making me orgasm.
Of course, everyone is different so we may not like the same things. I'm sure if you experiment with yourself, you'll get there in the end and make having orgasms a bit easier.
I second a clit sucker for a fast way to orgasm (if that is something you are looking for) - I have the WeVibe Melt and it gave me more orgasms in 5 minutes than I'd had in the last 5 months! But as others have said, it is important to be in the right mindset. If you are playing with toys alone, you could try creating a scene in your mind that you find a turn on. When I first got toys I thought I could lie back and let the toy do all the work, but I quickly realised that my brain had to be engaged too 😊 Good luck and most of all have fun!
I agree with what’s said, mindset comes first. Create a relaxed environment such as a nice warm bath with candles or with relaxing music In a candle lit bedroom, this will help free your mind. You may want to enjoy the feel of your body and caress yourself, massage your breasts etc, so you feel relaxed and begin to get turned on Using a clit sucker such as the Womanizer range are great at giving orgasms. I believe the majority of these are waterproof so work well in the bath underwater where you won’t need any extra lube. Just experiment with where it feels nice and how they feel on the body and you may never need any lube with these, but always do what feels best for you. Don’t overthink things and let the sucking of the device work its magic. They can make you cum in under a minute in the right circumstances but don’t be pressured if it takes longer. Just relax and enjoy it! Tip - if you’re trying this in the bedroom, you may want to put a towel down under you as they can make people squirt very powerfully so you don’t want to end up soaking your sheets!
Amy My wife had the same problem … It was hard for to get excited enough to orgasm … I got her the happy rabbit realistic rechargeable vibrator and believe me it gets her going … Now she has multiple orgasms and even sometimes she’ll even squirts … She loves this toy … Hope that helps
Our mains powered wand is the one we use when she’s struggling to get her head into gear. It never fails for us (her).
Every women is different and so is every toy. I know @MsR said most women need clit stimulation but there is always exceptions, I like clit stimulation and can orgasm from it but I orgasm faster from g spot stimulation, once my OH found my g spot it’s always our go too to get me off. Clit play is more for a warm up more than anything.
But LH does a sexual happiness guarantee that if you buy a toy that doesn’t suit you, you can return it and LH will help you find a toy that suits you better, it’s all about trial and error.
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