My husband and I have been married for a few years now. I was a virgin when we got married, and always found sex uncomfortable and often painful. I have since been diagnosed with vaginismus, and nothing I try seems to help. My husband has been really understanding, and suggested we try and broaden our sexual horizons in other ways instead of getting hung up on that one aspect.
Just recently, we've explored pegging, and we both really enjoy it. He seems to like it when I take charge a little - he likes to be dominated a bit, but only in the bedroom!
You can probably gather from all this that I've had something of a strict Christian upbringing and a lot of this is New to me. Basically, I'm looking for ideas to take these things a bit further for him - I've tried asking him what he'd like to try, but he's told me he'd like me to come up with some ideas of my own so he doesn't feel like he's pushing me to do anything I'm not happy with. I keep drawing a blank - can any of you guys help?
Hi Just Jane, if your hubby likes being dominated a bit then what about combining the pegging with some light bondage. Blindfolding him, tying him up and/or a bit of spanking?
Yeah, exploring his submissive side seems a good idea.
Have you tried giving him a prostate massage? Use either a finger or two, or a toy, inserted anally to gently stroke his prostate while you're masturbating/fellating him. It's a pretty amazing experience.
For a broader look at things you might like, it's worth checking out some of porn tube sites. Have a browse, follow links and keywords and see what you like, then see about recreating it with your lucky fella.
You can download lists of ideas from the Internet. Then have a copy each and grade it from definitely interested to maybe to maybe if partner wanted to no way. Then swap lists and have a laugh with eachother.
Great to see your both so understanding but as others have said I would explore his submissive side. Unless it's just he enjoys a bit of bum fun then maybe try a few anal toys and look at "milking". So many different routes to take with bdsm so plenty to choose from. Also think creating a list or "fucket list" and trying each one. Role play may also be exciting for you both and if your unable to have penetrative sex then just look at either trying anal yourself or buy some external toys like a wand.
OP here again. Thanks for the ideas so far. In answer to your questions - we have tried anal a few times, and he enjoys it. I struggle with it a bit due to my upbringing, and again, he understands and doesn't push me - the biggest problem with it is that I've not managed an orgasm from it, and my husband says he feels selfish as I'm only doing it for him and don't get any benefit from it. As regards oral, he loves doing that to me, and me for him - apart from when he finishes. I can't get over the texture of it and can't stand to have it in my mouth. Hence now we've found that we both really enjoy pegging I'm trying to enhance that to try and get more out of it for both of us. He's been so understanding with everything that I'm hoping to surprise him with something he will really enjoy!
Thanks AsYouWish, I like that idea and will try it! I also agree with some of the other suggestions and would like to explore his submissive side. Any suggestions gratefully received! I know my husband is definitely more adventurous than I am and I'd like to take things up a notch for him.
Get some restraints (or use some silk ties or something similar), slowly and sensuously tie him to the bed, blindfold him, tease him and then use him in whatever way appeals to you. The restraint and the inability to see what you're doing will massively enhance the experience for him, and if you like being dominant, it could well get you going too!
Thanks for that too, Glaswegian82. I like the idea of tying and blindfolding him, and I know he'll like that. It's what to do with him once I've got him where I want him that I'm now struggling with! I've been doing internet searches as has been suggested, but I'm not finding anything that captures my imagination!
I would first talk to him about what he enjoys about the submissive side of things. He may either just enjoy being dominated and pegged etc or he may be into the "sissy" type world where he may like to be slightly degraded. With all these things I think communication and honesty is key, make sure you have a safe word and do what feels right. Usually if something turns you both on and feels right then you know what route to take.
With your upbringing I would personally take baby steps at first, just because it can all get quite overwhelming but if this is something your partner enjoys then it's best to find answers from him. You can always just find a few costumes you enjoy and maybe look at other fetishes, such as messy play etc. I remember one partner bought a bondage sheet for the bed and covered it all in moisturising oil. I never thought about an experience like that but it was really sexy and erotic just touching eachother. I did have visions of us flying off the bed and through the TV during though.
thanks, lil_know and alicia4ever. I think a lot of my issues are the result of my strict upbringing and I'm grateful for everyone's support so far! I've heard about semen being an acquired taste - my husband did (jokingly) mention it once, and I said if he took it into his mouth first then I'd try! He called my bluff and said he'd do it, so of course I backed down! He'll be home soon so I will try and get a handle on what he enjoys about me taking control - but be warned, I'll probably be back for more advice!
All here to help Jane, if his semen is really not the most pleasant then you can make sure he drinks some fruit juices and a lot of water ade to his diet. These both break down the texture and the acid in fruits such as pineapple, oranges etc will work with the semen to make an alkaline soloution and make it much sweeter. Other things you can do is have a mouthful of warm tea or a fizzy drink which both will give him a sensation to knock his socks off and also makes it easier to swallow.
Whatever happens I hope you both find a new and crazy life to enjoy
OP again. Having taken lil_known69's advice I have spoken to my husband about his submissive side. He does have this thing where he doesn't like to open up too much in case I feel like I have to do what he suggests... quite sweet really but bloody annoying when I want a straight answer! Lol! Thanks to a bottle of wine I got there in the end and got a few ideas out of him. He says he doesn't want to be my 'bitch' or anything but he quite likes the thought of me tying him up and 'making' him do things that are submissive. He said he'd quite like it if I peed on him? Wasn't expecting that and not really sure what I think. We also got talking about the cum swallowing and facials thing, and he swore he would never want to do that if I didn't - but he wouldn't mind it if I made him have a 'self facial' as part of the submission thing! Really not sure about that one either... He had never heard of prostate milking but I think that's one more thing we'd both be happy to try. So others thoughts and more suggestions welcome!
Thanks for the advice Alicia4Ever. The main reason I wanted to do something for my husband is because he will happily go down on me - my favourite thing - several times a night if I ask him, and I'm quite happy with just that. Like I said before, I've never been that adventurous or imaginative when it comes to sex, so I'm happy just sticking to the basics. My husband has tried to get me to push the envelope a bit, to try new things, but my internet searches just seem to throw up some pretty extreme stuff, which puts me off looking further. As so much of this is new to me, I don't understand a lot of the terms used for some of the acts etc - hence my approach to you ladies and gentlemen for more 'real world' advice.
Things are a bit strained between my husband and I this morning as well - he was a bit upset by my kind of "oh my god, that's a bit dirty" reaction to his confessions last night, and said this was why he is so reluctant to tell me things he'd like to try. I know you said watersports was quite common, but I'm not sure I could actually go through with it!
It is best not to criticise though. I don't like bananas and can't understand how people would but I need to accept some people might. Sexual preference is no different. As advised previously, don't do stuff you aren't comfortable with but don't treat it as wrong.
Urine is just a bodily fluid. If you try in the shower it is really not dirty even if it feels a bit unnatural.
Great news Jane, it's nice to see what magic a bottle of wine can do. At least you have an idea now of what he would like and maybe you can role play a little with you giving the orders and maybe a few punishments handed out which may work in your favour. Water sports goes with a lot of degradation type domination so it is actually really normal for a lot of subs to enjoy this sort of thing. As others have said to try it in the shower but try not to get "pee shy". Maybe another bottle of wine can ease your mind a little but having someone who isn't pushy is great and hopefully if it doesn't feel right to you then it won't be a problem. Happy to hear you have some direction now and good luck with the future adventures.
Just been going through some of this thread and had to Google the condition you talk about. I may have missed it somewhere in the threads but do you yourself have any sex toys, a vibratory or dildo perhaps? It could be an idea to use one alone for a while to see if that changes anything and then introduce it with you using it in front of your husband and then him using it on you.
Pegging and water sports are great. My wife and I enjoy, amongst other things, me flicking my erecting penis up and down her vagina stimulating her clitoris until she literally gushes over me.
As well as pegging fisting is great as well. Invest in a latex glove as it feels great inside when lubed up. Fantastic stimulation for the prostate.
I did forget to mention in my last post a list of orders through the day are good. Send a simple text "run my bath before I'm home" "play with yourself until your close but save your cum for me" .... simple things can sometimes be the most exciting. Sex is more about the build up and mental state rather than the finale.
Hi. A great website to try is mojoupgrade. Its a quiz and asks you both indiviually about your preferences and only shows you the ones in common. Figured out soo much about my wifes kinky side thanks to this