So ive been " seeing" this guy for around 6 months. weve only had sex twice, he said hes very inexperienced with only having one gf.
During Foreplay i asked what really turns him on, and his answer was " seeing you turned on" :S
Hes not hard enough when i want to do things to him!
what can i do.. hes open to trying new things :/ HELP!
try dressing up for him , watch some porn together , spend time exploring each other caressing teasing touching tasting and work him up till he is really hard
try and put some spice in to do a bit of roleplay
tell him what u would like him to do to you
there is loads of ways but you also may want to talk to him and ask him what he really wants
he may be shy if he is inexperienced but you can only get better by keep trying
Tie him up and play a little in front of him. The moment he can't touch, i guarantee he'll be aching to.
Hi there.
'Seeing you turned on' is a very non specific vague answer, and sounds like he's not really sure and is looking for you to take the lead.
I would maybe tell him you want to try a few different things and see which suggestions he responds to best. Run a few ideas by him and plan an evening of experimenting maybe with toys, sexy lingerie, food play, massage, blindfolds or what ever you think might float his boat. Then see what happens and talk during this to find out what he'd like to do more of and what turns him off.
Good luck and don't be affraid to talk and to try new things. x
It may simply be he doesn't know, but I know when I was younger it was my answer too. I gradually learned there's a lot that turns me on and some things more than others, and while that was my more submissive side I also enjoy being the dominant one. However the answer was still correct, what really gets me going is seeing my partner really turned on, enjoying things, out just plain gagging for it. I'm more than willing to be selfless and be able to enjoy that side of things while if the focus is on me I struggle
Ooh, and add for advice, try leading h him. Tell him what you want him to do, make sure he knows it's working, if not direct him. Some people are put off but of he's like it sounds to me , knowing what he's doing is having such an effect on you will be give him a lot of pleasure
Make sure that you're plenty wet before you even take off your knickers - it's one of the biggest turn ons in the world knowing that the missus is extremely horny before we've gotten naked. And as us guys are really simple creatures, you being wet is the definite sign that you're turned on plenty :p
all i know is that his ex never did anything to him.
and so i think thats why hes giving me that answer. And when i told him what i did with my ex i think thats probs worried him a little.
I was thinking blindfold and to tie him up.... then im just scared incase i mess it up with him :S
You won't mess it up with him if you do it right, some low lighting, soft music, candles and stuff. He'll love it if you take it slowly and let him relax a bit.
My advice would be the opposite of dressing up and getting all fancy with your sex games.
See, what I am reading into here is that your bloke is quite inexperienced in bed, his ex never did anything to him and when he is with you he isnt always hard. This screams out to be that your guy is probably suffering a little with performance anxiety or is intimidated about sex with you.
Not because he is scared of you or doesnt fancy you as much, it will actually probably be the opposite. He is probably dying to impress you and turn you on but believes he doesnt have the confidence or knowledge or skills to do it. So he is bricking it. He probably had 3000 things going through his mind during your sessions. Things like "How do I touch her" "How do I turn her on" "Am I doing this right" "Shit I am not hard whats wrong with me" "What if I cum too soon" etc etc
That would be my best guess as to what is going on here and I think the best thing to do is slow it down a little and start talking a bit more in the bedroom. I would imagine that getting all fancy might intimidate him more at the start. Just lay together and take it slow, touch him in different ways ask him if he likes that, move his hands to touch you where you like to be touched and talk. Say thigs like "mmm that feels nice when you did that slow" or....well you get the jist. I think he is needing a bit of a clue. Once he gets reactions out of you and sees that his skills are working he will gain confidence more and more and the more you talk the quicker it will happen I reckon.
But as far as his comment goes, this is also true for me. I am a giver in the bedroom and I feed off of feedback from my partner. Seeing him having a good time is what turns me on. If he jumped into bed with me and literally tied my hands up and spent hours playing with me, yeh it would feel good but I would struggle to be really horny unless I went into my head and imagined the last time he was writhing around in pleasure. So yeh I guess there are some of us who really would say that what turns us on most is seeing our partners turned on.
I have to agree that the best turn on for me is seeing the other half dripping wet with excitement. It is something about a mutual pleasure that reallt cements it into my mind that this is something she is enjoying, therefore I can relax and have fun too!
Hope you and him learn to explore each other really confidently, this will be a really good experience for you both I am sure.
Ooooh thanks for the info fluffbags! ill try it!
we might just be pressuring ourselves into it a bit too much. as weve liked eachother for years and now we've finally started seeing eachother its probs a bit overwhelming for him :/
try forgetting about sex and actually having a good time together then maybe you can rock each others boats when it isnt so important
I'm with fluffbags. He's probably scared that he's doing it all wrong. Gently guide him showing him what YOU like and let him know how much you are enjoying it. It will give him a big confidence boost if he knows he's doing something right.
what about sexting? if he is a bit embarrassed to talk to you face to face you could send him a text saying what you would like him to do to you so it gives him a bit more confidence about what turns you on and you could also ask him what he likes, he might open up a bit more in a text?
Clown Feet wrote:
You won't mess it up with him if you do it right, some low lighting, soft music, candles and stuff. He'll love it if you take it slowly and let him relax a bit.
The thing is to go gradually and see his reactions. Doing things genuinely and naturally are the best way... ;)
I'm not convinced by candles, music and fireplaces. If you ask me, those are turn-ons for women, not men.
Women are more easily interested by the atmosphere or environment - for a lot of women, it's the atmosphere and the situation that makes the stuff dreams are made of - that's why chick-lit and pot boilers are as they are - very situational (Hospital romance, rich woman/gardener, Private Eye/dame in distress).
Men, on the other hand are more often than not, very objectifying. It is how the woman looks, or what she is wearing or what she is doing that is the big deal - not the situation in which the show is taking place.
When role-playing, let's say for example a office secretary thing: for the woman it might be the simulation of the workplace, or the fantasy of having sex with a co-worker/boss/subordinate. For the man, it's more likely to be the physical trappings of the game. The cliche of the roleplay normally involves the woman wearing glasses, stockings and sometimes a suit.
OP's boyfriend could be the exception, but I would say that if you want to get him going, it will be actions and objects that will do it, not changes to the environment. By objects, I don't mean (necessarily) toys. Lingerie, OTT makeup, vajazzling, a pubic haircut would all qualify.
I suppose it has to do with the type of guy, some men are more visual and will get turned on with a porn film, others with dirty talk, others would like the environment and a sensorial experience, others would like skimpy outfits, others would like confident women, others want someone submissive and coy, others love slutty, others not so much, others feel threatened by women that are too bossy or that do everything in bed and feel minimized, others feel extremely anxious about performance as someone said above etc.
In summary I truly doubt there are recipes for this. The main thing is to observe him and see what catches his eye and go one step at a time, just a question of trial and error.
Some men are primal, others want something different. If the guy is shy and feels he lacks experience, most probably she needs to be patient and find out a way for making him feel comfortable enough to help him get rid of his inhibitions.
For many guys that are sorta new to have a sexual partner its not easy to change from masturbation to real sex and many guys dont want to feel stupid specially when they know the woman has more experience than him ;)
Avoid things feel too forced to the grade of making either of you uncomfortable, its better not to do it or to explore at own pace, so everything will feel natural and spontaneous.
Creating an ambiance might or might not be suitable for the guy, BUT it deffo could help the woman to feel more at ease with her own sensuality. At the end, the experience would be shared by both, no?
Hourglass wrote:
what about sexting? if he is a bit embarrassed to talk to you face to face you could send him a text saying what you would like him to do to you so it gives him a bit more confidence about what turns you on and you could also ask him what he likes, he might open up a bit more in a text?
sexting is fun and erotic as you can express things you may not be abe to say in front of that person
give it a try along with all other suggestions
Could be his nerves taking over