Understanding Foreplay

Sex Tips & Talk
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So I’m trying to come up with a framework to better understand foreplay on a fundamental level so that I can better my own and my partner’s sexual interaction and wanted advice for my current notes on the subject.

Sorry ahead of time if it seems like a cold way to view it but viewing it in this way helps me to understand its purpose and importance. Thanks ahead of time for your understanding.

Definitions
Wikipedia Definition:

Foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between one or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Although foreplay is typically understood as physical sexual activity, nonphysical activities, such as mental or verbal acts, may in some contexts be foreplay.

In My Own Words

Foreplay is the setup of a sexual activity. It’s a way to bring both parties into the mindset of a sexual encounter with each other. Although sometimes both parties might already be in the mindset to have sex does not mean that foreplay can be ignored since both parties still need to be in a sexual mindset for what their partner is currently looking for from the encounter.

Parts & Purposes Of Foreplay

I would break foreplay down into two parts sexual setup and informational gathering

Informational Gathering

Each time someone is looking to get into a sexual encounter does not mean that they are looking for the same thing every time.

For example: If someone comes to a sexual encounter looking for emotional security then rough or mind-blowing physical sex might not be the best way to fulfill your partner’s needs/wants.

During Foreplay you should be able to determine mood, motivation, goals, and interests of your partner for that interaction (these things will change from interaction to interaction).

Sexual Setup

Using the information gathered to set the stage for what is expected.

Using the example above of a partner looking for Emotional Security you probably won’t break out the whips and handcuffs, initially.

Reason For Sex

  • Need For affection
  • Pleasure
  • Feeling Of Duty
  • Emotional Security
  • Physical Gratification
  • Bonding
  • Health Reasons
  • -Lower Stress
  • -Headaches
  • -Reducing sex drive
  • Revenge
  • Mate Guarding

Final Note

Foreplay isn’t necessarily a formula but a game to better understand the needs and wants of your partner in the current interaction. It’s important to remember that it’s not a box-checking exercise and it doesn’t always lead to sex.

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Hiya. Interesting post, but to be honest I’m not sure what you’re asking or looking to discuss.

Is there a question?

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Just trying to see if I’m missing anything or if my understanding is incorrect. Any thoughts you might have are more then welcome. Just trying to improve my understanding so that I can better put my thoughts (and any input) into practice.

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Foreplay is essentially anything that helps prepare the mind and body for the physical act of sex.

Sex and sexual intimacy aren’t black and white, and I’m not sure what you’ll achieve by trying to Sheldon Cooper the art of it all. :person_shrugging:

Read the person you’re with. Tune in to them.

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I think your understanding of it is pretty fair. Only thing I would add, which is a bit outside of the box you’re thinking of…is that there is foreplay to the foreplay and that is anything that brings/keeps you close to a person. And every day interactions can affect it.

Example, you live with your partner and they leave their clothes and dishes at their arse. Are you really going to feel like you want to be intimate when you’re having to ‘parent’ your partner? Probably not. Therefore, foreplay for foreplay. Foreplay starts and ends with each intimate encounter.

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@Lucas04 You are probably right that I’m overthinking it.

I just tend to neglect things that I don’t understand. Unfortunately, it’s just the way I am.

Thanks for the response.

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This made me chuckle… but I also understand the need to Sheldon Cooper it. Once you understand the logic and purpose of it, then you can put your own spin on it. It may seem obvious to some, but for others, the brain works differently.

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@weirdQuestionsemail fair enough. I guess we all have our ways to try and understand the world around us, including interactions with other humans.

Gosh, I sound so blunt sometimes … :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: :man_shrugging:

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How very Sheldon Cooper of you :crazy_face::wink:

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This. So this. Hubby complains sometimes that I don’t want to have sex and it’s just like “well how many of your share of the chores have I done for you?”. Nothing, and I say this with full sincerity, nothing makes me want a man more than one who isn’t afraid to do his share of the chores - it shows he’s mature and responsible, and that’s hot to me. It sounds mad, but it really works: picking up cheesy socks while he plays video games does not make me want to get busy in bed!

Oh, and a man who isn’t afraid to make his wants and desires known, because I’m apparently terrible at picking up on hints :upside_down_face:

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Sounds very methodical and laid out clearly. Think you’ve touched note on most things there although in reality floorplay is something spontaneous that you go with in the moments so can’t necessarily plan it out in advance

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I suppose another way to think about it is that foreplay is like warming up before exercise.
It gets you ready for sex, and because you’re ready it makes sex more enjoyable.
Most men can go from beginning to orgasm in about 5 minutes if they want to. Most women take at least 20 - she needs 15-20 minutes of foreplay to get her warmed up and ready otherwise she’s not going to come.

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I guess this discussion is about casual sex or at least having sex with a new partner, but I should say that when you have been together as long as I and my wife has, it’s difficult to know where ‘foreplay’ starts and ends - just as it is difficult to say what ‘sex’ is, exactly, because it doesn’t necessarily end with or even include penetration.

So the thing I would say about foreplay is - when you stop thinking about it as foreplay and it becomes just part of a whole process, you’ve probably cracked it. In the meantime, don’t overthink it, or plan it; just go with the flow.

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Ace/Demi? Or you just need a definition?
Foreplay can include what you listed.

A lot of people describe sex and foreplay as separate categories but in reality (I feel anyway) sex and foreplay is all one big nebulous blob/concept. Foreplay is the “set up” but its also part of the act itself. Foreplay can include kissing and some caressing but it can also include as other commenters have mentioned doing household chores, cleaning up after oneself. Foreplay can also include things like teasing, edging or getting close to an orgasm and pulling back, nipple stimulation, sex, bdsm, etc.

Sex doesn’t have to include foreplay (although its typically a good idea to), foreplay doesn’t have to lead to sex. In movie/book/play terms foreplay is typically how you get to the climax, its the prologue+act 1(2,3,etc).

It can include mindset romance, talking about sex, everyone’s stress and intimacy levels, etc.

I hope that helps, sorry if it seems vague.

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That last response was great - household chores. Most of the time I wash - she dries. I’ll help sometimes - with the laundry. I’ve been known to clean up around home. Never thought of it as foreplay!! But I get it.