Understanding Sexual Positioning Experiences for People with Disabilities

Sex Tips & Talk
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Hi everyone,

My name is Benas and I’m a Master’s student at The Hague University of Applied Sciences. I’m currently researching sexual positioning, specifically how people experience comfort, stability, and physical effort during sex. My focus is on people who experience challenges with movement, strength, or balance (for example due to conditions like spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis, stroke, or similar). I’m trying to better understand how positioning is experienced in real situations—what works, what doesn’t, and how people adapt. I would really value hearing about your experiences or perspectives. If you’re open to it, I would also appreciate the opportunity to speak more in-depth through a short, informal interview. If you feel comfortable sharing, you can reply here or contact me directly at:

contact details removed by mod - sharing contact details is strictly prohibited

Everything will be handled respectfully and confidentially. Following university data protection guidelines.

Thank you for your time—I really appreciate it.

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@StudentBT
Hi!
I have always been curious as to how anyone (male or female) with a physical disabilities, just like the ones you mention, have sex.
Are their sex workers for people that have physical disabilities?

Nathan, 32, from Australia

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Hi @StudentBT Your research sounds interesting but our forum rules say we can’t share personal contact details including email addresses so you’ll need to edit out your email address. People can still reply on this thread.

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Why would you need to be curious (unless you or your partner have a disability and you want some tips, which would be perfectly reasonable)?

People with disabilities have sex just like people without disabilities, we all adapt and adjust positions to suit our bodies to some extent to take into account heights, weight, joint problems etc. Having a physical disability is no different.

Sex workers exist, people with and without disabilities can have sex with a sex worker if that’s what they want to do.

Your questions come across as ‘othering’ people with disabilities. I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way but it didn’t read well to me.

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Hi Benas, I’m Elena, a disabled kink-aware intimacy coach. I have a range of disablities, including (but sadly not limited to) hydrocephalus, spina bifida, ataxia and chronic pain. A lot people say I don’t “seem” disabled, and I supose I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t suffer every day.

A large part of my work is focused on making sex, kink and pleasure accessible and enjoyable for all, as a disabled person myself. I have been reviewing the positions in Lovehoney’s Book Of Positions with my husband, and writing blog posts where I share how well they workeed for us, and any adaptations we made/others might want to consider. You can find the series so far here, if you like.

Unfortunately @Kitty-Cat01 is right, we can’t share personal information under the forum rules, but I’m happy to answer any questions you have here if I can :slightly_smiling_face:

All the best,

Elena

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@Kitty-Cat01
I was making a statement more about people with a disability such as being a paraplegic.
I should have made that more clear.

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@user2128 you may find this post of interest, it sort of supports what @Kitty-Cat01 was saying. Sex isn’t always that different for us, it just needs a considerate partner :slightly_smiling_face:

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You really would do better here by ask @Lovehoney_Brenna for permission and help. It would also help you with following the forum rules too

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@Tenshadesandme
Thanks for that.
I just wonder if I had a physical disability like being paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair, if I had the courage to reach out to someone (an individual person or a disability agency) to help me with helping me to be able to have sex without the use of my legs.
I’d like to think I wouldn’t be scared/embarrassed to get the help I needed.

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Then there is your answer. Some people are, but that’s a confidence issue, not a disability issue. Disabilities are nothing to be embarrassed about :slightly_smiling_face:

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I am brand new to this forum and this is my first post. I never thought my disability would be mentioned, but here goes. I have multiple sclerosis which affects mostly the right side of my body. My husband has to position me and position himself in various ways to accommodate my disabilities. It leads to greater fatigue for him and less confidence for me, but we still enjoy intimacy.

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Welcome @Mouse. Hopefully you will be able too find additional ways and things to bring pleasure to you both and good on you for speaking up. :people_hugging:

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Hope you don’t mind me posting this here on this thread rather than staring a new topic, I had a read at your blog and look forward to more of your feedback on positions!

I have a chronic pain condition, along with osteoarthritis, I wanted to ask do you ever get extreme body pain the day after sex and do you have any advice or tips for recovery? I’m struggling with the pain so much lately, it has gotten worse over the years and certainly from when I was first diagnosed. I dont like taking medication as everything has a side effect, but always have pain meds on prescription should I need them.

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Thank you! I’ll be honest, sometimes my stats are quite low and I wonder if I should keep going. Then I read lovely comments like yours and it just makes it all worthwhile!

To answer your question, yes, sex definitely takes it out of me. Not that I’m strictly complaining because I enjoy sex, but it can leave me, as you say, achy and unproductive. I think that’s the bit that frustrates me, more than the sex itself!

First, let’s be real here: you and I have chronic pain conditions. If you need help - be it from an aid, a helper or even just a simpler day - that’s okay! Pain medication is useful too (I got my next lot of Neuramol literally today, because that’s the one I like to keep on standby for tough times!) but i get it causes side effects. Useful in a pinch, but not something you want to depend on.

Hydration and snacks on standby are a must, just something that can help your body restore energy while you recover. Protein bars are good, but no judgement if it’s chocolate biscuits.

Heat pads: if heat pads could give consent, I’d probably have married mine! Whether it’s bloating or pain flare-ups, I’ve got my heat pad on more than I like to admit. Fluffy blankets, warm showers and baths too – get warm and recover.

Don’t be afraid of naps: you just did a cardio workout, take it easy okay? Trust me, the world won’t end while you rest.

Try magnesium: if there’s one supplement I recommend for pain relief, it’s magnesium. Magnesium helps reduce stiffness and cramping, which can help reduce pain. It can take a while to build up in your system, but it absolutely can do wonders once it’s there. You could try Epsom salt baths instead, or transdermal magnesium patches or lotions if you prefer.

Massage: if you have hypersensitive skin like I do, I get this one’s a non-starter. If not, gently reminding your body that what happened is a good thing can help.

I hope some of those ideas help :smiling_face:

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Hello and welcome @Mouse ,

I fully get no confidence. I’m generally a confident person, then my cerebellar ataxia makes me stumble and embarrasses me. Talk about humbled by my own body :tired_face:

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Thank you, its good to know there are people in the same boat with pain.

I will try the magnesium, I actually have some but not started it yet. I also have the hypersensitive skin, I used to love massages but now a gentle touch can feel like I’ve been hit with a bat! But I am looking into a therapist who may specialise in light touch and see if I can build up tolerance.

Never thought of a heat pad, I’ll look into those ideas :light_bulb:

Thank you :blush:

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Heat pads are lovely. I have a mini electric blanket / heat pad. It can be wrapped around the waist or shoulders but I just drape it over the areas that hurt. I also put it under my hips when I’m sleeping in winter and even during sex if it’s really cold!

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I wish I wasn’t, but yes. The horrible thing about causalgia is it can lie dormant for years and only show up after a serious enough injury. In my case, a torn wrist set off my first pain site.

What kind of magnesium do you have? It sounds daft, but the type matters. Ideally for pain you want magnesium malate, but magnesium glycinate can also be of help for general relaxation. If you have magnesium oxide, ditch it – swallowing a Smartie a day will have a similar effect. It has very low absorption.

Ugh, allodynia right? I’m not sure where you are, but I’ve been to the Pain Management Unit at the Royal National Hospital for Rheumatic Diseases in Bath, UK. They’re great: they do (or they used to do, though it may have all changed with online access) a three-week pain management programme with residential stays. They introduced me to “desensitisation”, where you stroke and massage the affected area so your body “remembers” touch. Having someone massage the area can also help, as long as they know how to be gentle.

Heat pads are amazing, I replied to you earlier with mine on my stomach because my IBS decided my trying to be productive was prime time for a flare-up! You don’t want too hot; just cosy and warm is the spot :smiling_face:

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Have you seen hose rechargeable warming gloves/socks/bodywarmers? Gamechangers in the winter months!

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It’s the glycinate, haven’t heard of the other one, the gylcinate was to help sleep. I take other vitamins but going to add collagen and cod liver oil.

I used to use cbd but stopped as I have really bad trouble with consistency, the same reasonI have bought but not started the magnesium :see_no_evil_monkey:

Im in the UK but not much in my area. Yes also most things have been moved online.

I have a heated blanket!! Why didn’t I think of that? I only use it when im cold, but it could certainly work for pain.

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