A few days ago i brought a standard realistic size dildo around 6inchs and lube as i have been seeing this guy and we have done oral (he fingers very roughly so its never pleasurable and usually hurts after he does it. He always comments how tight i am but his method is more like hammering me haha) however its not sore when i did it in the past (talking like 1/2 hours sessions alone)…but ive never overly liked fingering and never felt pleasure from it but its been like a year or so until recently i started having it done again, isnt pleasurable but we are wanting to move onto sex. We went to before but he said he couldn’t get it in, but to be honest I wasnt ready then and i think i just closed up. I havent had sex before, so i thought I would buy a dildo and just get my body used to it, the feeling and stretching, comfortable with something inside me. And because i don’t wanna bleed all over him. And its nothing to be ashamed of i know but i havent told him its my first time. I just think its a personal thing and I dont want tell him so why should i… However, the past two nights I usually try to cum once berore i try to use it but regardless the amount of lube i use i can only seem to get past the head in. Maybe 2/3 inchs, it stings a little and i just leave it in to try and get used to it, but anytime i try to push more in, feels like it has no were to go or a very tight space and pain. I am starting to think maybe I don’t have a hole . I try to push it more but i feel it has no where to go but only 2/3 inches? How is that possible, i dont know why but i always think if i force myself down on it maybe ill damage something hahahahahaha maybe the hymen is there still I dont know, i havent bleeding but then then i did hurt myself as a kid on a bike and i peed blood and when it first was fingered i bled a little. But also i am not bouncing up and down the dildo yet hahaq. I am just trying to get it to fit in… I have tried different positions but it just becomes sore or i feel like im hitting a wall which makes me question am i not pushing it in the right way? Right now the position i can get most in is me sitting down on it. I can handle a little pain but i almost feel like inside is gonna pop if i try to force it. I dont know. I keep thinking im not angling it in the right way, do you angle it straight, up, down? Im confused and anytime i google i get maybe its this condition or that. Which concerns me but then my friend said it took her a few times to open up fully to taking it inside.
Afterwards its sore down their. It was sore to pee but not like painful, just it stings a little when i pee but stops when i stop peeping and a weird feeling, like it feels like ive had something inside me, like i have space or a hole down their but then when i look i see no hole, no opening. So im confused should i say, what the feeling is… I ended up walking a little funny today and it was only the head.
Sorry if it was too much details.
I guess i am wondering if anyone has any advice in how i can move things alone so it can fully fit inside me. I understand mood is a big thing. Maybe i need to buy a bottle of wine, relax and then try hahaha.
If you dont like the way he uses his fingers on you then you have to tell him. Great sex always starts with mutual trust, please dont allow anyone to hurt you (accidentally or otherwise).
Then, if its not too personal a question, do you have periods?
I think maybe a little doctor or sexual health appointment maybe a good step x
I am sorry if I am wrong but you sound relatively young and not ready to take this step.
The person you are doing this for seems a little centred on their own pleasure and not making it an enjoyable experience for both of you.
I would suggest having a check up with a sexual health professional just for peace of mind.
Do not feel pressured into anything, rushing things might be the root cause of your problem and why you are tightening up on the thought of penetration. You need to relax, take your time and use plenty of lube.
Rather than starting with a dildo, start exploring your body with your fingers and see what makes you feel good, if you are having orgasms then you will naturally lubricate and relax.
I think you need to take a step back, and communicate with your partner that what he does isn’t pleasurable, see how they respond that in itself will speak volumes.
Welcome to the forum, you will get good advice from this group.
Hi, are you actually turned on when you start to insert the dildo? The vaginal canal normally is quite short and it does expand when it gets the signals that penetration may be about to happen.
Try spending some time turning yourself on first, read/watch something sexy, explore other areas of your body first like your nipples or just stroking your skin. Try some clitoral stimulation too. Maybe even let yourself orgasm first and then try to insert the dildo.
Welcome, I think you’re not sure that you’re aiming the dildo for the right place. I’m sure you are, it’s probably just bigger than the fingers you’re used to. When you do use your fingers yourself, are you wet inside? Some lube slicked on the dildo will help but your body needs to be turned on to want it. If my body hasn’t caught up to my brain, penetration isn’t as easy for me either, your body needs to be ready for it.
Your partners method is based on his experiences of what he’s done in the past or what he has watched on porn. It’s not one rhythm fits all, so you need to tell him how you like to be touched, or show him. I get that you don’t want to tell him it’s your first time, but I do think you should talk about being inexperienced so that he knows to take it slow and easy with you. He’s going to move his penis, the same way as his fingers, bc he thinks that’s what he should be doing.
So, use your fingers again, make sure you’re wet and ready and really want to do it, possibly get a thinner dildo and some lube, talk to your partner and tell him to slow the f down.
Hi @Shhhhh19 and welcome to the forum. I am sure you will get some great advice /recommendations from this group. I being male can only advice you by saying communication is key here, tell him what is nice/not nice and pleasurable. Take your time and don’t rush it. Best of luck.
Hiya and welcome! I think you need to have a converstion with him. If he’s doing something you don’t enjoy…he shouldn’t really be doing it! It doesn’t have to be a shooting down…just tell him what you prefer. I’m sure he’s got your best intentions at heart, and wants to povidr you with pleasure…I know I’d be mortified if I thought I was doing the right thing and found out that my oh hated it!
As with most questions on here a good conversation is always the best starting point!
Hi @Shhhhh19, welcome to the forum! It sounds very much like vaginismus - it’s an involuntary tensing of the vaginal muscles and usually has a psychological cause such as fear of penetration or a negative association of penetration with pain. It sounds to me as if you have developed an association between penetration and pain because your partner is hurting you when he fingers you - I’m not saying that he’s done anything wrong, he probably doesn’t realise - but I really think you need to pause, tell him to be more gentle and build back up to fingering when you’re ready. This is exactly what happened to me and I wish I stopped and took more time over it because I still struggle now and i’m in my 30s.
It sounds like you’re just not ready to use the dildo. If you really want to try penetration, I would either try a dilator set which start with very small sizes (like a finger) and build up, or try a smaller dildo (look for something slim and soft). You could also try a vibrator - either a small vibrating dildo or a seperate vibrator for your clitoris because the vibrations can help your muscles to relax.
Take your time and try not to stress about it. Make sure you feel comfortable, relaxed and aroused before attempting penetration. If something hurts please stop and don’t push yourself because you will only be strengthening the association between sex and pain - you want to retrain your brain and body to associate sex with pleasure. It might take a while but you will get there. If you continue to struggle it might be worth speaking to a doctor or sex therapist (yes, they can help individuals as well as couples).
Bless you! Sounds like it’s been a right ordeal down there and first thing what came to mind when reading your post was have you been checked out to see if you have a tilted womb or cervix or whatever that thingy is up there in a lady?!
I’ve heard before on here similar experiences of like hitting a wall type feeling and it’s been cause of how their anatomy is positioned inside
I am reading many say you should take 10/20 minutes building your body up to it rather than trying to put it in after a few minutes. Maybe that is the issue.
I have used fingers before. For me it isnt enjoyable. Its not painful. I have had many longer moments fingering myself up to 1 hour and it wasn’t painful when I did it on myself… So i guess as you said its about relaxing and getting into it. I guess taking into considerate, my body isnt used to having something inside it also.
Many say to cum before you try to insert it. So I do but i am confused on that part. Because I’ve finished so now im like im not turned on now. Haha. Maybe i need to go slow and make it last longer and try to insert before coming.
I make sure to use alot of lube. But i am usually very wet regardless.
Im starting to think im not turned on enough. Because i usually try to cum once before i insert it but by then my mind is like okay you came its over rather than im still turned on. Maybe i need to go slow and insert before coming.
I really wanted a realistic one and not a thin one. So i will give it a few more goes and see if building my turn on helps
I read about this. However when im alone, i can finger myself no issue no pain. And i can fit 2 to 3 inchs in without being overly turned on. So im not 100% sure its that. Maybe I do have a little anxiety but who doesn’t the first time?
Yeah i keep seeing this but usually when you have this even when fingering yourself its painful but when i have done it in the past i have had no pain.
He said he is experienced but then i think all the porn he watches has him thinking he is hammering a nail hahaha.
He always finishes hahaha when i give him oral. I haven’t with him but i have on my own.
I do start to feel warm when i insert it and try to move up and down.
If you are orgasming then trying to insert it, it is highly likely that your vagina is still contracting and dilating from the orgasm. Which would make it very difficult to insert the dildo.
If the OH is ogasming after sex and I try to enter her pussy for a second session it can be very tight and difficult to enter until she finishes her orgasm and relaxes.
So if you are going to use a dildo I would suggest plenty of lube and relax, start the build up slowly, once turned on and your natural lubrication is flowing then try to slowly insert and remove the dildo, but not rushing, slowly easing it in.
Use solo sessions until you work out what you like.
I am sure that you will get to enjoy it, but it will take time, the more pressure you put on yourself the less likely you are to get where you want to go.
Yeah i read to do it like that but i thought that was a little weird. I will definitely try the other way now.
When i do insert it and dont try to push beyond 3 inchs and just go up and down my body starts warming up. So its not the case the 3 inchs are painful they arent. I just feel full but rather when i try to go futher it is but maybe im just not turned on enough. And i need to work on that.
Thank you
I think he thinks he will make me cum during sex. I dont want him to feel bad and insecure if i dont. One of the main reasons i wanna use the dildo so i can i get comfort and know how to help him help me cum.
Yeah i read that haha. Poor men. Um i did try again. I have zero pain when it comes to the head and putting it in. No pain and i tried a little bounce up and down. I feel like i have room but its the case of opening up a closed door. Hahaha.
. I try to push it more but i feel it has no where to go but only 2/3 inches? How is that possible, i dont know why but i always think if i force myself down on it maybe ill damage something hahahahahaha maybe the hymen is there still I dont know, i havent bleeding but then then i did hurt myself as a kid on a bike and i peed blood and when it first was fingered i bled a little. But also i am not bouncing up and down the dildo yet hahaq. I am just trying to get it to fit in… I have tried different positions but it just becomes sore or i feel like im hitting a wall which makes me question am i not pushing it in the right way? Right now the position i can get most in is me sitting down on it. I can handle a little pain but i almost feel like inside is gonna pop if i try to force it. I dont know. I keep thinking im not angling it in the right way, do you angle it straight, up, down? Im confused and anytime i google i get maybe its this condition or that. Which concerns me but then my friend said it took her a few times to open up fully to taking it inside.