I have a medical condition that makes penetration painful and difficult (I’m female). The only way to overcome this is to desensitize the nerves using dilators or similar; firstly externally and then internally. I am at a point where I need to start trying shallow internal stuff but I’m very anxious.
I made some progress with dilators in the past but, due to a bad medical experience, I can’t face using them again because they remind me of medical stuff which is really upsetting. I need to find something that I can relate to sex and pleasure rather than medical treatments and pain. I’m also hoping to do this with my husband so it feels more like play rather than something serious. I also can’t use my fingers (or his) for sensory reasons and because finger nails feel like flaming daggers (nerves are overreacting)! I was thinking of a large bullet vibrator or very, very tiny dildo. I can’t find any tiny dildos, and bullets say they are for external use only. Does anyone know why? Some are a decent size and I’m not planning to insert it fully like an egg, just very shallow whilst holding one end, obviously!
I’m looking for something that is about the width of about two fingers to start with. I don’t care about length at this point. I’d prefer silicone or glass over plastic, and either flexible or curved but I’m not too fussy. Gentle vibrations or none at all would be best.
Bullets often say external only so people don’t use them anally. That and some (particularly the very small ones) can malfunction if inserted and left inside the vagina. But for what you are doing, I can’t see it being a problem.
That might be an option to move onto at a later stage. I have tried one before (before my health took a backwards step!) and I liked it but, for some reason it didn’t really help with the problem. I think it’s because it’s the initial penetration that is difficult and painful so once a toy is in, I’m generally ok so I need to get used to the initial penetration if that makes any sense. But an inflatable is a nice idea for when I’m feeling more like playing for the pleasure of it.
That makes sense. I’ll definitely not be leaving them inside!
I haven’t, no, I’ll take a look. I’m not sure beads would work because taking them back out with my tight muscles would be really difficult but anal toys might be a good category to look in for smaller options.
Could it be a Psychological block ? my ex had a surgical procedure go wrong which resulted in an extensive loss of feeling from her clit, Psychotherapy helped her quite a lot once she got over the “shame”, she had a very religious background…
I think it partly is, yes, maybe more than I care to admit. There is also a physical part due to the tension in my pelvic floor muscles and the positioning of my pelvis means the muscles are pressing on the nerves, but tension is also stress related so it’s all connected. I am seeing a therapist to talk about it but I think it’s going to take time.
Tapered is probably best but they are hard to come by. I’m hesitant to try anything beaded because I had a small dildo with a slightly bulbous head, it went in ok but my muscles clamped down and getting it back out was so painful because of the ridge. It put me off trying again! Maybe I’m not ready for this after all! It’s so frustrating, I just want to be able to have sex without pain but I feel scared of the process of getting to that point
A lot of sex shops sell small plastic vibrators, shaped like bullets, with no head on them like a penis shaped dildo would. If you are just gradually inserting it that might work for you. And they are generally not expensive. Good luck, I hope you can get the relief you need.
That looks interesting, I like the tapered shape. Do you have this one? It looks like it’s kind of flat? I mean, the diameter isn’t the same at all angles? Is that right?
Thanks @Latestr8 and @AJSTAR I think I have a bit more looking around to do!
I’m starting to think that I might not be wanting to do this as much as I thought, it all just feels a bit overwhelming and scary. I feel like I go around in circles, I really want to sort this out but when I start trying to sort it out, I get scared and decide I can’t! No need to answer that, I’m just getting it out of my head!
Didn’t you get any suggestions or support from the doctors after your op? That’s really sad if they didn’t support you with this. I don’t know enough about the op to know exactly what is recommended. Do you need to wait a certain amount of time (for recovery) before inserting anything? If you don’t know, I would ask first. From conversations with others, I think a dilator set is recommended. I thought you would be given a suitable set after your op but that’s probably too logical! If you want to buy a set, Lovehoney sell some, just put ‘dilators’ into the search bar on the main shopping set. I’m sure there are lots of places that sell them. Have a look, if you can’t find them, let me know (tag me on this thread using the @ followed by my name) and I’ll give you some links. I would look for silicone ones with lots of size options. But if you can go back to your doctors for advice, I would do that first.
It might be worth you starting your own thread so other people can see your question more easily, I don’t know if we have many mtf trans people on the forum, but I’m sure we must have! I’ll let you decide.
i have to use dialtor for the depth of my new vagina but it hard not to know what girls use i want to use something other that dilator like a vibertor or a dildo
The “not for internal use” guidance is there because bullet vibrators are small and short, with no flared base, retrieval cord, or handle. This can make them difficult to hold securely during insertion and increases the risk of losing grip or the toy travelling beyond easy reach. The warning is about the shape and the possibility of the toy becoming difficult to remove, rather than a concern about the material itself.
Have you considered a Classic Vibe? They’re slightly longer so have a little more to hold on to.
This one has a circumference of 3", the same as the slimline dildo mentioned above:
