How has your weight changed while being married or in a serious long term relationship? Do most people gain weight? Or have you gone down even, or fluctuated? Do you allow your partner to influence it in any way?
When I first got with my husband I was in good shape I’d say, but always fighting weight gain. He admitted he likes big women though so I gained 3 stone the first year we were together quite happily. Then probably another stone or more with kids. I recently thought about losing some weight and asked his thoughts and said he’d prefer I gain a good amount more. Now I’m not sure what to do. I don’t really want to lose weight but just feel like I should. But at the same time I’m also open to gaining if it makes him happy as it wouldn’t make me unhappy. I feel I’m at a crossroads. Do I try and regain my youthful more athletic figure, or pile on a few stone and not worry about it while at the same time giving him what he wants.
In my previous relationship I gained weight, my lifestyle had changed I was happy and eating good instead of clubbing and having a liquid lunch. Same relationship I lost alot of weight because things were going badly with her. It’s been 4 years and I just can’t gain weight.
I put on loads after having my children but now starting to loose it
Do what makes you health and happy, there will be a range there, but being health will be the best long term. Being on the extreme of either over or under weight I expect wont make you or your partner happy.
We have both put a little weight on since been living together. Mine is now in the more normal range and couldn’t expect to keep that six pack now I’m over 60.
I’ve fluctuated quite a bit. I’ve lost and gained 20lbs back and forth the past decade. Different types of weight. My partner does not care and has told me so but my thing is just being healthy. I want to be healthy for myself and them. I want to be in a physical shape that makes my heart and brain happy. Took me a long time to realize that doesn’t mean I need to be an athlete.
I would say do what makes you feel good/better all around.
My partner joked that at the start of our relationship he was putting on the girl friend kilos and likened it to the freshman 15 especially since I do a lot of cooking and baking. I think that for myself I always would like to be a bit smaller and I feel happiest in my body when I can see some tone / definition but if I mention losing weight to him he’ll say “but there’ll be nothing left for me to cuddle” and more importantly, “I just want you to be healthy”. It’s the same with cellulite or stretch marks that I’m worried about, he’ll say they’re important for our future babies.
I second everyone else who says do what makes you happy and healthy. I definitely understanding wanting your partners opinion and wanting to make them happy, but you have to do what’s best for you and what makes you feel good in yourself, it is so important mentally and physically.
You said you don’t want to lose weight but you feel that you should. Why should you? Is it for health reasons?
I think it sounds like you’re happy in your body so stay where you’re at.
I would ideally like to lose a bit of weight, some recent videos we’ve made have made me not like what I look like.
That’s for the replies everyone.
I feel like “I should” just for healthy lifestyle reasons. When it comes down to looks I really don’t mind. I’m happy as I am or bigger, I’m honestly indifferent. But my husband does like very large women so given my indifference I might go that way I’m not sure.
My oh half has put on weight since we got together, and had kids.
I love her body more now than I ever have.
I think you need to be happy in yourself and not for someone else. Personally I would say, try to get to a healthy weight for the sake of your health. Extra stones will have a detrimental effect on your body the older you get.
We have both put on a little weight since we first got together. I’ve always been Into the gym and mountain biking so stay constantly around 13 stone mark so ok shape. the wife put on weight through having our child so that was all good but since then having a few health problems with in my older family I’m on a bit of a health kick mainly so I’m hear healthy and active for my son. I try to get the wife involved but she doesn’t get on board as much as me which frustrates me to be honest. Since loosing a family member and she could see how much it affected me. I don’t keep on at her I just want her to be as healthy as we can so we are here for our son and be able to do what ever he wants to do. Like going for a bike ride or playing football at the park.
I have stayed the same weight for the last 18 years but unfortunately haven’t been well for sometime, so lost an extra stone, so tip the scales below 11, lowest weight now since I was a teenager.
It’s tough as wife has gained a lot over the years, sees me who in her mind doesn’t have to try. Personally as long as you are fit and happy it doesn’t matter and from my point of view impact me at all, she is still the same in every way and love her to pieces but think she finds it hard.
I think it is natural, she has had two kids, causes all sorts of stresses and even in her younger years had to work hard to keep weight off.
Gaining lots of weight certainly has no healthy benefits ever unless your were very underweight.
Dont gain weight for someone else, its your body that’ll pay for it.
After my last child i went on the “jag” (contraception) and i piled the weight on . On 2nd coil and still struggling with losing weight, hubby says he doesn’t mind but i hate my body…
Im sorry you do.
My wife and i have both put weight on with kids and age, and from my own point of view, I’ve loved her fuller figure too.
She’s so hot!!! A shame she didnt feel like it herself, she decided on a bit of diet and she feels better in her own skin now, but as far as im concerned she was hot before kids, after kids, and her heaviest, and still now.
OH has put on about 4 stone since we got married and sadly it has affeted our sex life even though i love woman with weight.
It has affected her mentally
I was a size 14 when I met my previous husband, I am now a size 26. Medication for a chronic pain condition caused most of it, my mindset caused the rest of it!
Daily I internally beat myself up about it, wishing I could control it, stop eating all the rubbish, have surgery, ANYTHING to be able to be thin and attractive again!
Upon buying a 23&Me kit, the results returned with an interesting snippet of information. I am more likely to weigh more and be thick set. So, am I beating my head against a brick wall? Will I always be large, regardless of diets or low fat/sugar/taste foods?
As long as I can remember I’ve always had body confidence issues. I have very very thin and petite friends, and I just wasn’t built that way. I was a size AUS 8/10 and I thought I was fat compared to my friends who were all an 4/6. Obviously I look back at those years and get soooo angry with myself at all those wasted tears, wasted anxiety about being ‘fat’. If only my younger self could see what I was to end up like . Since OH and me have been together since teenagers we’ve definitely yo-yo’d over the years but at the moment we are both the heaviest we’ve ever been. Before having a kid i was about a size 12/14, now that has blown out to 18-20. I definitely want to lose weight but I’m not fussed at the moment - it’s hard with a toddler and my body has changed so much, what once worked to lose a quick couple of Kgs no longer does anything. I wouldn’t say I’m comfortable in my body but I’ve definitely accepted it.
OH has a mad dad bod, but I still find him as attractive as he was when we first met. I hope he views me in the same light.
Just do whatever you feel is comfortable. It is nice to know that if you put on a couple of KGS your partner would still find you attractive as that’s often not the case in society But don’t let him pressure you. If you like the way you are, stay. If you want to put on a couple of Kgs, do it. If you want to lose some weight, do it. While it is very tempting to please the one who worships you, it is your body after all and you need to make decisions that you are comfortable with
Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I need to have a good long think.