My 14 year old Year 9 daughter's Xmas Ball is coming up next month and she has asked me if she could have a stockings and suspender belt set to wear to the ball as she says other girls are doing the same.
While i like to be open with my daughters and not a 'fuddy duddy' I wonder if, at 14, is she too young to be wearing sexy lingerie?
I looked on here (LH). and notice the sets go down to size 4 & 6 presumably for the younger girl so, am I being over concerned ?
People of any age can be a size four to six, not just younger women...
I personally don't think it's a big deal if she's just wearing it for herself to feel good, as no-one else will see it?
Im not sure i would be comfortable if either of my daughters asked for similar at that age, Whilst its not meant to be seen by others, there is a chance it will be and then what?. Its up to you what you think about it, but as you asked, thats my two cents.
Ooh, tough one. I can see why you're concerned. I don't think the stockings are made in that size with the younger girl in mind. Generally this is an 18+ community and I think the shop caters to that.
I guess I'm wondering, why does it matter that all her friends are wearing them if no one is going to see them? They tend to be less comfortable and practical than tights and knowing how to put them on is a life long process (at least for me anyway, the struggle is real!). If this is a confidence thing, power to her but it sounds a little young to be lingerie clad in my opinion, particularly since there are more practical alternatives. The old addage 'if everyone jumped off a bridge ...' comes to mind.
That being said, I come from a family where I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, high heels, or get my ears pierced until that age so perhaps I'm the wrong person to give advice. However, I resented it at the time but now I kind of appreciate that my parents were trying to let me know that fashion isn't the be all and end all of popularity and life so I'm glad I didn't wear 'adult' clothing until later in life. In the end, it's what you feel comfortable with as a parent so go with your mama gut! You know your daughter better than we do.
I don't think you're being a fuddy duddy to be concerned about this at all . Personally I think 14 is a bit too young to be wearing overtly sexy lingerie. ...and stockings and suspenders are seen as sexy by most .
I realise there's a lot of peer pressure at that age to be the same but I wonder just how many of her friends will actually do this and if their parents know whats planned ....my bet is some of them won't because not all kids are as open with their mum as your daughter obviously is with you for discussing it ( although there's the issue that she needs you to buy them for her )
As has already been mentioned , what if someone does see them ? And worse takes a pic ? It might all just be in fun but IMO your daughter is too young to be projecting that sort of sexy image .
However , you're her mum so it's up to you really but if have concerns then you should tell her why :)
I'm not sure I'd want her to wear them. Obviously it is completely up to you and whatever you feel comfortable with. It is lovely that your daughter feels able to talk to you about things like this.
Maybe you could make a compromise with some patterned tights? They sell these tights with stocking details http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32301 and a few others. I can understand wanting pretty things.
Or these but they're only in a plus size that I can see http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35122
wildflower wrote:
I don't think you're being a fuddy duddy to be concerned about this at all . Personally I think 14 is a bit too young to be wearing overtly sexy lingerie. ...and stockings and suspenders are seen as sexy by most .
I realise there's a lot of peer pressure at that age to be the same but I wonder just how many of her friends will actually do this and if their parents know whats planned ....my bet is some of them won't because not all kids are as open with their mum as your daughter obviously is with you for discussing it ( although there's the issue that she needs you to buy them for her )
As has already been mentioned , what if someone does see them ? And worse takes a pic ? It might all just be in fun but IMO your daughter is too young to be projecting that sort of sexy image .
However , you're her mum so it's up to you really but if have concerns then you should tell her why :)
+1 I totally agree with this, especially about the pictures which could be taken. I also was going to suggest some patterned tights - there are so many cool designs now. As others have said, you know your daughter better than any of us, so hopefully you will be able to come up with a compromise with her xx
What is she wearing as her main outfit? Is it something so short that if she bent over you would be likely to see what's underneath? If it is then I'd be inclined to say no, but if the outfit is more likely to keep her modesty when she bends and dances I'd probably be more inclined to say yes, if I were in your position.
I'd also be asking her why she wants to wear them and what she feels about wearing that kind of thing. Just to see if goes beyond 'my friends are doing it'. It may open dialogue about other things.
However on the whole I'm going to go against the grain it seems, if she is a sensible girl and you trust her, and the request seems fairly innocent, then I'd probably be willing to let her wear them. At 14 I would have found sto kings and suspenders so uncomfortable ti would have put me off for life, lol. Also how would you feel about a compromise of hold-ups? I use to have awful issues with tights as a teenager and my mum actually suggested hold-ups for me, and I was so grateful for the alternative.
Also some suspenders and stockings sets are a bit more funtional looking, and less sexy. Maybe another compromise could be reached there.
Good luck with it and hope you are both happy with whatever decision you reach x
Cant you speak to some parents on the quite? her best friends mum or something. That way u wont feel bad for saying no as she wont be the only one.
personally i wouldnt let my child wear them. Id forever feel guilty if god forbid any thing went wrong
I have 2 daughters but they're still little. I think 14 is too young but that's just my opinion. Hold ups are a good compromise but I think a suspender belt is a bit too sexualised.
I have been having a similar talk with my OH about his daughter and social needs and wants of a pre teen/teenager.
I personally think it's too young especially as the words 'sexy lingerie' have been used. These girls need to feel like they do not need to be sexualised at such a young age...There are tights that are designed to look like stockings that may be a good compromise.
They grow up too fast now and it is very scary, the amount of make up my step daughter comes over wearing worries me, especially after some recent social media scares. I don't think you are being over concerned. I am not a mum myself but IMO, it's too much too young.
I personally think 14 is too young for stockings and suspenders, however I've always viewed them as sexual and not functional. I think patterned tights would be a better idea as already suggested. These look quite similar to stockings and would be more comfortable:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34595
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35083
They're still quite sexy in my opinion but I guess it's a compromise! Watch out as many of the tights are crotchless too 🙊
I wouldnt be comfortable about that at all. She is a child wanting to wear lingerie, which is wrong end of. As already stated there are pretty tights available in the shops that will be just as good.
My post sent before I'd finished, so to continue..
I would however question why she wants to be like the other girls so much, especially if these things aren't going to be on show. She shouldn't feel like she has to do anything to fit in and the choice to wear something like this should be because she wants to feel extra good about herself, not because she wants to impress others or do what everybody else is doing.
I would feel very wary of letting my daughter wear them if she asked at that age (she is currently 12).
I get that we need to allow our children room to grow and give them freedom to choose how, but we also need to protect them from areas of life that are not appropriate for them at a particular age.
I hate that it is essentially saying no, not because of what they want to do, but because of how others will perceive it. However that is the world we live in and the more time our youngster s spend away from that world the better. So it would be a no from me
I think whatever you decide you should do it in an open and transparent fashion - keep her involved, since what you don't want to happen is her to go and do it behind your back I suppose.
It's tricky. I started wearing stockings at 15, but that was due to my legs being so long that most tights just didn't fit. I was given pop socks from a friend's mum as a Christmas present too, but they weren't really sexy, just standard dark black.
It's so tricky with peer pressure etc. I remember during pe girls wearing thongs etc, and it felt so odd. Heck even when others started to wear bras before me felt strange.
I think the best thing is to just educate really. Explain your decision. As that's more important here.
I think with the situation and reasons behind her desire to wear them, it should be a no.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with this to be honest. It seems unnecessary. She can wear tights and look exactly the same.
I wore thongs at a young age because I was a dancer and they were necessary with my leotard.
Unless there's a reason other than looking sexy then I would definitely say no as a parent.
I have a teenage daughter and trying to look sexy at that age is not appropriate. Kids grow up too fast as it is 😕