What is the "next vibrator" I should buy for Wife (sorry for long first post)

Sex Toys
1

All,

First post on Lovehoney, and I'm looking for a new vibrator to introduce to my wife of 18 years. I'm looking for advice on which is most likely to be accepted by my wife - nothing big or scary.

We don't use sex toys regularly (probably only about 10 times in our marriage, and she doesn't own or use one without me, at least that I know of), and about half of those are boardgames/bondage, not vibrators.

Our history with vibrators is limited. We have been married for 18 years and monogamous for 25, and our sex life is quite good, but of course, better would be better. We communicate about sex very badly, and that isn't something that is going to change soon - so just assume asking her is off the table.

About 10 years ago, I bought a model similar to this:
http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=5332
She never used it and didn't want me to use it on her. Eventually it became a teether for our second child (which, btw was great - calmed him way better than traditional teethers)

About 4 years ago, I bought a vibrating cock ring similar to this, but it was blue, a dolphin instead of a rabbit, the vibrating gizmo was a bit smaller, and it had a wired remote with buzzing patterns.
http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=5276
We used it once, and she said she liked it, but could be lying (we don't communicate about sex well). About 2 years later, we used it again, and she at least tolerated it. It has since been thrown out - gathered too much dust and I couldn't get it clean again.

1 year ago I bought a "mystery bag" of stuff from a local adult-toy shop for a special evening. It had this game, which included a mini-bullet vibrator:
http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=33918
We didn't use the cards, but tried the vibrator. She actually seemed to enjoy it (though never 100% sure), and we have used it again since them. I am fairly confident this is working - it seems to get her quite wet.

Given this information, what is the "next vibrator" I should try? Anything too big is likely to be rejected instantly, and I will be expected to be the one to use it on her, so it should be easy to use with a very low possibility of hurting her if I use it wrong.

2

Based on what you have said i personally wouldn't get her anything. She doesn't seem to be into toys and if you buy them for her she might feel obliged to like it. I think in this day and age if she wanted to try toys she would buy one for herself and experiment with things to find out what she likes.

why not try some sexy lingerie as a gift and use it to start a conversation about anything else she would like to try from the site?

3

^^ Agreed, lingerie may go down better in my opinion :)

4

I do think she might prefer sexy underwear, but this might be a good option as she seems to like the clitoral stimulation.http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21149

5

In my opinion i'd work on your 'sex' communication instead of buying another toy. The others don't seem to have gone down all that well, perhaps if you forcus on talking about sex, you might have an idea what your lady is really after. You never know you might end up shopping on LH together.

6

A board game that would help you talk about sex (and toys) better? Such as Nooki (my recommendation is based on its reviews, not personal experience) or Lust ( both the board and the cards version is exceptional for starting talks with your partner under the "rule of the game", I have personally checked it out when gifting it to a friend in need). I personally swear by Tie & Tease, but that might be just a step further than she is willing to take. Just have a look in the 'games' section of Lovehoney, I'm sure you'll find one you can both enjoy and that could just help her open up more to you about the topic. :)

7

Thanks all for the input - it is appreciated.

A few additions:

Lingerie is probably not a good choice - I'm better off with flowers or jewelry. I would like her to wear lingerie a great deal (and she knows that), but it does nothing for her. She has some, and doesn't really use it. She knows darn well she can easily seduce me without it, so doesn't put forth the effort.

Our sexual communication is something we have tried to work on, but is still very bad. It won't be fixed in the short-term (or perhaps ever), and we are willing to live with that. One positive point is that she is good about telling me when she doesn't like or want to do something. She is less willing to give positive feedback, so I don't know if something is just tolerable, OK, or fantastic. She will lie to me if she thinks the truth would hurt my ego (which I have told her I find annoying). If I pick something she really doesn't like, she will let me know.

There is precedent in our relationship for sex-toy additions working. We didn't use lubricant for the first decade of our relationship. She still hasn't admitted she likes it, but I figure she does because she keeps it on the nighstand and complains when we run out. There was also one really good sex book she picked up.

Our relationship is strong enough that if I pick the wrong toy, it isn't going to be a huge deal or a threat to our relationship.

There is also precedent for sex-toy additions backfiring. We bought a sex diet book, that scheduled and planned things out. Given our busy lives, it was just too much work, and resulted in a little bit of hurt feelings when I couldn't keep up with planning, scheduling, and everything amidst our lives.

I believe the last sex toy (the mini-bullet) was successful. She let me use it twice without any hesitation at all the second time, and got wet much faster with the bullet than I could manage without electronic assistance (which is a godsend in our busy lives - quickies have unfortunately become the norm). She eventually told me had enough, but we then had some better-than-normal sex, so I was happy with that. Of course, no useful verbal feedback from her. I was thinking a "backhand way" of figuring out is to try to use it once with dead batteries, and see if she tells me to buy batteries.

I was considering this model because it could be integrated pretty easily into what we already do regularly: http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=16031, but I would eventually like to try something with penetration/GSpot stimulation, as I have trouble doing that with my hands, due to fingernail issues.

Lastly, this would *not* be presented as a gift, like a valentines day or anniversary gift. Just a "something". For those occasions, I am expected to buy something that is just for her.

8

Era,

If "Lust" is intended to get her to tell me what she likes, I will buy it! That would be useful, and I could probably get her to play at least once. Any advice on the boardgame vs. the cardgame?

We have had limited success with sex games in the past. We own and have played several:

- A Hot Affair With Your Partner (which I think is the same game as Monogamy - but I'm not sure about that)

- Climaxxx

- Cosmo's Steamy Sex Games (we played one or two of the games, not great)

- Passionate Commands

- Intimate Commands

- Fifty Ways to Tease your Lover (never played this one)

Typically, they require you to set several hours aside for lovemaking, which is has become very rare for us and our busy lives - only happening two or three (very happy) times a year. In each case, I really liked the game a lot, but I got the impression she just thought they were just tolerable and she was placating me (could be wrong). A Hot Affair was the best of the bunch and got the best reaction from her.

9

what about a vibrator that doesn't look like one? I like this one http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20543 but it would probably be best to choosesomething cheaper if you're not sure if she would like it. and if she doesn't go for it, she can use it on you!

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26627 - this has got lots of good reviews.

10

What about a wand type that can be used all over the body for massage, as well as sexually. You could try the old therapist's trick of not using it sexually until you both really, really want to. The Lovehoney or Fifty Shades ones look good.

You could put a gift together with a lockable box and some lube or massage oil. If she likes lube, you could try Liquid Silk as it can be used for body massage as well.

A candle would be nice, too. We love Lovehoney's Vanilla one as a candle and for the oil. I can't burn normal candles due to allergies, but these body-safe ones are fine for me.

If you don't want to go the whole hog and just try one toy, you could try Tracey Cox's G-Spot (not good at links, sorry) - the black one - or the Fifty Shades one that looks similar. Some of the reviews on both say that they're good on the clit if they've failed to find the elusive G-Spot! A new experience for her might be to use both her current bullet along with one of these inserted. A little less in her face than a rabbit type and you could surprise her with the bullet if she's already using the vibrator.

I hope you find something that rings both your bells.

11

I only ever bought the card version of Lust, and as mentioned it was for a good friend of mine who is in difficulty with her relationship due to lack of communication. I checked it out before giving it to her as I wanted to be sure the game did just that: making them talk. As far as I can remember, it will make you talk about many things, not just sexual or toys, but also more intimate questions about your relationship. I thought it was a good one for that. Sorry, but I just remember at the time I thought it served the purpose well, but I only read thru the cards and rules once, so can't really give proper personal feedback. It's worth a try.

I also very much second Susan's recommendation of the Lovehoney Flash bullet. It is one of my favourite toys!

If she's not used to a vibrator inside her, why not combine your bullet (or a new one such as the Flash) with a dildo instead? I never thought a dildo could be a good toy, but I actually might prefer a dildo in with a clitoral vibe out instead of a vibrator in. And mind you, I am not a clitoral orgasm type of girl, as I much prefer penetration to anything (oral or any clitoral play included) and I don't usually play with my clit during penetration by my husband. Having a vibrator vibrate inside you is quite a different sensation to having a thrusting penis and could be a bit of a shock initially. I can very much recommend this one: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22769 - it is one of my favourite dildos by far.

12

People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2013 wrote:

....

I was considering this model because it could be integrated pretty easily into what we already do regularly: http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=16031, but I would eventually like to try something with penetration/GSpot stimulation, as I have trouble doing that with my hands, due to fingernail issues.

....

I wouldn't buy a not waterproof (i. e. not properly washable) rubber (dodgy material) toy that needs unusual-sized batteries. I'd stick to silicon or hard plastic, waterproof and AA or AAA (preferably rechargeable - in many toys they work without problem, but not in all).

Otherwise I'm sorry I can't give a lot of advice you because I prefer big powerful vibes... However, somebody recommended a massager - well in my experience they (or at least my Bodywand Original) have nothing to do with kneading hands, i. e. are pretty useless for a "realistic" massage - and as a sex toy something that sounds and looks like an immersion blender completely destroys the mood. But that seems to be only my opinion...

But are you sure your wife wouldn't like to have a look around the LH website for herself? Without you looking over her shoulder, thus without any need to talk about sex? I find the LH shop very friendly and unintimidating and Annabelle's and Lisa's matter-of-fact way of presenting sex toys was a real eye-operner for me (without them I'd never have walked into a sex shop and discussed toys with the saleswoman). A book about the joys of female masturbation might help as well, I think...

13

Thanks very much all for the help! It has helped narrow it down, and I'm pretty ill-equipped to figure this out on my own.

Unfortunately, shopping with her won't work - I've been to adult toy stores with her before. It's a lot of standing there, looking akward, and never saying she wants anything. She won't discuss anything with me at the shop - the best I can hope for is a "do you want that?", which isn't answer, it's a question, and well, I would be happy to try just about anything once.

Here are my basic criteria at this point, thanks to your help and feedback.

1) A clitoral vibrator that cannot be used for penetration. That has the highest odds of being accpeted by her. I can always buy a penetrating model later if this one is accepted.

2) "Better" than the mini-bullet we already have - of course, I don't know what "better" means - more powerful, little rubber nibs...

3) Difficult to "miss" the clitoris with. Bear in mind I will be using it on her. I'm accustomed to finding her clitoris easily with my finger and have its general position in muscle memory. But, it moves, and by using a device instead of my finger, I lose ability to feel its location. I figure my odds of "hitting" may be reduced based on two things:

- The farther my index finger is away from the clitoris (minimizing my sense of where it should be). This was my logic behind the finger vibes.

- The more precise the device needs to be - no tiny little vibrating rabbit ears - large vibrating area is better.

4) Weak on its on lowest setting. I don't want to start with too much.

5) I would prefer silicone-safe (our favorite lube is silicone-based, and not sold on Lovehoney), but that isn't an absolute requirement - we do have water and oil-based lubes as well.

I loved the Lelo Insignia Alia that susan50 suggested - it seemed to match most of what I'm looking for, is gorgeous (almost looking like jewelry), and looks multi-use with something that looks like a cock ring - but it is very pricey and not available on the USA website (from the video, probably because it uses UK power outlets).

I'm looking at these models now, trying to decide which has highest odds of success:

Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Clitoral http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=33304 (looks nice, but silicone - large action end would make it hard to miss)

Lovehoney Humdinger http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=21149 (More phallic, which isn't good, but again a large action end that would make it hard to miss, and plastic instead of silicone)

Little Duck http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=21062 (Not quite sure where the business end is, but certianly nonthreatening)

Durex Finger Vibrator http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=13255 (finger vibrator)

Silicone Finger Vibrator http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=33551 (better finger vibrator?)

Tracey Cox Superbullet http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=14042 (highly rated, but 1-speed and may be too powerful)

Lovehoney 5-speed bullet http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=20753 (Like what I have now, but more powerful and 5-speed)

I've also added "Lust" and some lovehoney spoil me satin lingerie to my wishlist.

14

Hi there, have you looked at this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34007

It can be used internally, but it's a fantastic clitoral vibe, non-intimidating, great for beginners. It's also very powerful, but the speed is adjustable by using the twist base.

15

How about the FSoG Finger vibe it is not particularly powerful but it might be something to consider.

16

People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive for 2013 wrote:

....

Unfortunately, shopping with her won't work - I've been to adult toy stores with her before. It's a lot of standing there, looking akward, and never saying she wants anything.

.....

Of course shopping together won't work! That's why I suggested to let your wife have a look at the LH webssite quietly, and on her own! And I understand completely that she was overwhelmed by her first visit to a sex shop - so was I, and that was rather "genteel" shop and I knew what I wanted.

As far as I know you can order from any website you want, but of course the toy's power requirements need to work with your outlets - USB chargers are better in this case.

Silicone is the material of choice for high-quality vibrators and supposedly safer (non-porous) than rubber - and definitely much better than anything with phtalates. I think the LH Desire clit vibe is good value for money, if I hadn't found a rabbit that works for me I'd consider it myself.

The Durex thing has batteries that cannot be changed - you'd be paying $ 15 for 20 minutes of use! If you want a finger vibrator, the FSOG one is the better choice (though I'm not a fan of FSOG toys) - assuming you can get the batteries...

Between the two bullet vibrators I wouldn't pay $ 5 more for the Tracy Cox name - the Lovehoney one seems to have more functions and be otherwise very similar - and Tracy Cox is a Lovehoney brand anyway.

As for the duck, I personally think it's perfectly ridiculous (and I don't know which is "the business end" either). But it might make your wife laugh, which would be a good thing, I think. And who knows, she might play with it in the bathtub... (for partner sex I would find it a bit unwieldy...)

No opinion on the Humdinger...

17

Thank you all for the input! I think with your help I have picked the right products.

First, the FSOG finger vibratior. The only negative complaints were that it was too weak, which for me, is a good thing as I would rather have too weak than too strong. http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=33551. I'll probably try this first - it's pretty non-threatening. I'll also omit the box - her knowing it's branded FSOG will not be a plus (she hates the dynamic of the whole story).

Second, I was going to buy the Lovehoney Bionic Bullet, but this has the same bullet vibrator AND a rabbit cock ring for only $1.09 more, so I'll buy that. If she turns out to like the first two vibrators, maybe it sets up for trying out a rabbit in the future. http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=22186

Last, thanks to Era's advice, Lust the Card Game - maybe it will help with our sexual communication. http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=18286

And that gets me over the $40 limit for free shipping.

I also have a few pieces of Lingerie (mostly the Lovehoney Spoil Me Satin line, and that red bow thing) on the wish list, but not buying now.

18

I think you've made the right choices there. Good luck, I do hope your wife enjoys them x

19

Let us know how it all goes down, especially if Lust will help you. :)

20

Their specials got some extra money out of me... Bought an extra pair of FSOG handcuffs (http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=30878) that I didn't really need since we already have handcuffs when checking out, so I could get the free vibrator (http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=29338) that I might not use. A little buyers remorse, but I'll live.

The vibrator is probably too strong to introduce to her for now. Maybe I'll positiion it to her to use as a massager on my sensitive spots. If she decides she would like a stronger vibrator, we will have one and she will know where to find it.