What do you do for your partner that is intimate but not sex? (But could lead to sex)
What does your partner do for you to make you feel loved/desired/cared for?
As people who can’t get in the mood for sex when we are busy or stressed, my OH and I want to increase our intimacy and try to make a daily habit of doing something inherently intimate even when we are too stressed, busy and tired for actual sex, but still want to remain just as connected. (Also to prevent the roommate vibe in the inevitable busy times of life)
We do have things that we do, but I’m looking for your ideas and experiences to see if there’s anything else we can do lists of ideas a bonus!
(Sorry if this has already been done, I couldn’t find anything in the search option)
@mrssaffa We went through something similar a few years back, we felt like we were entering that room mate vibe, I wouldn’t say it really effected our sex like because that remained pretty stable, but we talked about the intimacy and how we keep that alive.
A few simple things we do now;
Kiss every evening before bed but not in bed. Sometimes leads to more but by not doing it in bed it’s not implied that is where it’s going to lead.
Hold hands more - even when just watching TV
I massage her feet again when we’re just chilling it’s something that relaxes her
Cute bum taps, make her know I’m thinking about her
Just a few things that helped us. Hope that’s useful.
Same mood here.
We feel there is always life’s pressures that restrict as much intimacy as we would like.
Social pressures are also too much at times, but we do a few little things to help.
Always kiss in the morning.
Always kiss when returning home.
Try to shower together at least twice a week- sometimes leads to more, but washing each other is important as sex due to being close.
A massage when things get too much.
Stoking her hair to help her sleep
She strokes my back to help me sleep
Bum slaps to let each other know we are there.
And a simple cup of tea goes down so well.
These things are stuff we do for each other that let them know they are loved even without the closeness of sex.
Such a good post. Made me think that we don’t actually do anything! OH really isn’t big on PDA or any type of touchy feely stuff. We hug each other from time to time, slap each others butts, fist bumps and high fives as we pass each other in the house lol but there is no massaging, no cuddles, no holding hands we give a goodnight kiss every night though which I love.
Myself and my OH have become far more intimate recently down to simple things as whenever i wake in the morning he will have sent me a message telling me how much he loves me then he will come down to the bedroom to give me a cuddle before i get out of bed such simple wee things have made us much more intimate and greatly improved our sex life
When we watch TV in the evening I massage and pull her hair which she says is orgasmic. But it normally makes her more tired and less likely for sex so I need to strike a balance
My wife wants me to always be there for her, listen to her and be an encouragement. Life is tough at times and given she has a career she also gets stressed and needs me to always be in her corner.
She wants to be treated as an equal and for me to understand she has the same professional stress as I do, so it’s important we share all the house duties of cleaning, paying bills etc.
She appreciates when I hold her hand, hold her and just value her and the love she has for me and our family. Letting her know I love her and still in love with her 40+ years later.
We’ve been together for 38 years and have always kissed each other goodbye - might be a peck or something a bit more smoochy. We always wake up with a kiss and a cuddle which on work mornings might lead to a quick fumble or a very quick quickie or nothing at all.
We holds hands watching the TV and whilst out and about.
Recently we’ve shared our daily showers which doesn’t lead to sex, but is very intimate washing each others bits. We’ve also started sharing baths which by the very nature are more relaxed and can end being rather steamy.
Random bum slaps and bum squeezes, trailing fingers on each other as you pass each other around the house. Listening to sexy music and having a laugh getting horny over it. Calling each other dirty names which we sometimes repeat later!
Yep bum taps are top of my list, regularly do it for her but don’t feel she does it enough for me, yes do need to raise it at some stage.
We do all the others of kissing when waking, leaving, returning and going to sleep. Holding hands, cooking tea when the other is tired etc etc, but for me the one that makes me feel best/desired is bum tap of grab.
For me, it is giving and receiving physical touch. Not necessarily sexual, although it can be. Hugs and kisses are only part of it. Skin is made for touching…its just part of who we are. Even in a familial or platonic relationship like with my sister, touch and massage are soothing signs of acceptance and belonging.
All really great responses I’ve gotten some ideas to implement, thank you all.
My OH admitted he thinks about intimacy a lot but just isn’t that creative, and we already do quite a bit, thinking about it.
I should have probably listed ours for those who want to look at this thread for ideas.
• we always kiss goodbye and hug hello
• hug from behind when I’m in the kitchen (sometimes leads to straying hands)
• butt slaps/butt grabs when bending over and at any other point because of reasons
• verbal compliments “your butt looks amazing” “you’re really pretty my love” “I thought about you a lot today”
• eye fucking
• climbing on each other for cuddles in all manner of positions
• cuddle falling asleep
• I will touch him through his pants or greet my friend if he’s excited to see me or push my butt against him
• we thank each other every day for what we bring to the relationship even if it is just our role and what we do anyway; “thank you so much for working so hard for us today, we appreciate you so much” “thank you for cooking dinner, it was so yummy” “thank you for putting the bins out, I forgot!” … we also periodically check in with each others emotional state. We know when we ask “how are YOU doing my love?” That means we want to know a bit more than just how we are today and how our day went. Only ask this when we are prepared to dissect any niggles that have been building and listen/problem solve any stressors that have occurred.
• back scratches
• massages (I would like more tho) usually while watching tv, sometimes he grabs me and has me over his lap for a butt massage while we watch tv. Those are the best.
• play fighting/play sex (put each other in position with clothes on and dry hump or do a kink)
• we ALWAYS hold hands when we are walking anywhere, no matter how short the walk is. To the point our local supermarket probs throw up in their mouths with how adorable we are (I never see anyone else do this locally)
• mildly taboo but he tends to show affection in public too, butt slap/grab and sometimes I cop a hand around my throat (gently, and consensually, settle down ;)) he gets told off for this sometimes cos I worry he will corrupt any passing children, but he tends to time it well.
@DevilishDan is your OH open to increasing intimacy do you think? Some people’s love languages are just different but that doesn’t mean there isn’t intimacy hey, it’s interesting how each person can feel and show “love” differently to the next
No he’s not great at intimate stuff, never has been. Won’t hold my hand in public because he gets embarrassed, doesn’t really like to cuddle on the lounge because it gets too hot, won’t fall asleep cuddling because he gets uncomfortable etc. his love language is more along the lines of doing the dishes and sending like 50 reels to each other a day when our kid came along a lot has changed as in by the time he goes to bed we are both exhausted we just sit next to each other on our phones. Sometimes we play video games together. I definitely will try and work on this though, once financial and work stress are lessened I believe we will naturally be drawn together again.
@DevilishDan aww I wish you both the best i hear having kids is really hard for both parents It does sound like his way of showing affection is quality time and act of service and there’s nothing wrong with that at all xx
lists of ideas a bonus!
we give a goodnight kiss every night though which I love.
when our kid came along a lot has changed as in by the time he goes to bed we are both exhausted we just sit next to each other on our phones. Sometimes we play video games together. I definitely will try and work on this though, once financial and work stress are lessened I believe we will naturally be drawn together again.