ok my other half has asked e to start talking dirty to her and treat hr like a slut, she also said she sometimes just wants to be f**ked this way. tbh i am a little nervouse abou t it as it goes against my natural nature, but i want to please her so how would i go about talking dirty and treating her like a slut. another thing its only for the bedroom and not everyday.
she has also told me one of her main fantasies is a rape fantasy we have talked about it but again it goes against my nature and unsure of how to do it for her.
any help and suggestions would be appreciated, as i want to make my oh happy and fullfill her desires, but i dont want to hurt her either.
My OH is the same. He finds it really hard to say anything like bitch, slut etc as its just not in his nature.
During a rape fantasy, maybe you can be like "look at me, don't you dare take your eyes off me, i know you love my cock things, don't you scream - things that are forceful. Ask her for a gist of what she expects so you have something to work on.
You can always do the fantasy more than once, different scenarios and often when you're doing it, you get into character.
I have a huge rape fantasy but over time I have realised that it is more my OH taking control and my inability to move...
What we do (and for me it is enough) is he literally restrains me during sex either holding my hands about my head, holding me down while he fucks me or we used bondage tape to strap my legs together and my hands behind my back.
He will also call me a whore, dirty slut nothing extreme to be honest just enough that would stick as hes rather gentle outside the bedroom! lol
When he is next over I will ask him to blog about it so the information is up there :)
I have a huge rape fantasy but over time I have realised that it is more my OH taking control and my inability to move...
What we do (and for me it is enough) is he literally restrains me during sex either holding my hands about my head, holding me down while he fucks me or we used bondage tape to strap my legs together and my hands behind my back.
He will also call me a whore, dirty slut nothing extreme to be honest just enough that would stick as hes rather gentle outside the bedroom! lol
When he is next over I will ask him to blog about it so the information is up there :)
that blog would be great, bothe of you have given some good advice, will take it on board. i think my main problem is i have never done anythign like it before she has opened up new things for me and i want to please her the best way i can. and if i can fulfill her fantasies i think that would be a start.
I'm not sure what other people have said but these are my suggestions:
Have a safe word... make it obscure like "Tunafish" so if anything goes wrong and she thinks its too much she, or you, can stop it immediatley. The word "No" and "stop" should mean nothing as she might get off on begging you to stop raping her but really, she wants you to carry on. The safe word allows this to happen with you being aware and happy she is safe and is enjoying herself even if she is begging other wise.
Set the scene... for a rape fantasy - you could set up an abduction. Set the scene by creating a night she is walking alone down a familular street and you bundle her into the car (in a set destination so she knows its you) and then do what you would like to her either in the car or at a destination. As you both become more comfortable with this - you could leave her a note saying that one night this week you'll take her and then go off your own steam of when and how - meaning she has less control which might fulfill her fantasy more. Talk about it in advance.
Get ideas... As it sounds like you are a gentle lover - maybe have a look at some porno's to get ideas on how to be a little more forceful. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with but start small like pulling her hair, dirty talk and tieing her up before you develop onto bigger things like whipping (if shes into it) , breathe control (if she's into it) and set fantasies. Be forceful with holding her down with your hands, if you are hurting her she can always say "tunafish" which means you can let off a bit... DONT STOP completely as it can ruin things but just be more careful before you work your way up to being more forceful. Ideas for being rough would just be to chuck her around in lots of different positions, hard fucking, throat fucking (if shes into it) degrading her by cumming on her face etc etc
Spider Chart... both you and your girlfriend could spider chart three things....
1. "Every Sexual activity you've heard about"
2. "every sexual activity you've done"
3. "every sexual activity you'd like to do"....
be totally open and put down everything you can think of or has tickled your sexual interest in the last one because it'll give you ideas what she'd like to do without her having to vocalize them - this is a massive bonus if she wants you to take control as it'll take away the knowlege you've had an indepth convo about it which makes some people loose the interest.
Talk about everything but the key is confidence. If you have confidence - it'll make her fantasy so much more realistic!!
You're amazing for wanting to do these things for her - but make sure you are happy too!!
i wouldnt have even dreamed of this till she mentioned it, thank you all for the help. i know my limits i dont think i would ever go too far and i also know that it stays in the bedroom so to speak
I've found that, when it comes to talking dirty, it's not what you say but how you say it, for example,
"I'm gonna cum on our tits" is dirty but a woman would probably prefer,
"Do you want to see my cum all over your tits?" whispered in her ear during foreplay.
"I'm going to pin you down and do you as hard as i can" is fine but she would probably prefer,
"I'm going to pin you do and ram myself inide of you and not stop no matter how much you struggle and fight, you'd like that would't you my dirty little slut"
or at leas that's what works for my wife. lol.
Rape fantasy is something you'll need to talk to your partner about. a good idea would be to have her sit at the comp and write a fictional scenario. that would give you some ideas. : )
In addition to what the others have said, remember to go at your own speed. There's no rule that says you have to look it all up, make a plan, and have it perfect for play by Tuesday. Try the easy name-calling, maybe a bit of light restraint with holding her wrists (or even just one). Then, when you're comfortable with that, get more explorative with talking (again, there's an 'easy' version where you just talk about what you're doing or going to do). Try more forceful restraint and physical control: little things like grabbing her jaw to 'force' her to kiss you, or pulling her hair, or roughly pushing a thigh out of your way won't really hurt her, but make it clear who's in charge.
Really, just any little thing liek that that comes into your head, try it in isolation if you're not comfortable. Once you feel ok with it, you can start plotting something truly wicked. ;)
She will appreciate it much more if it takes weeks or months, and you do it well (you need to be enjoying it, after all, or the whole thing falls flat), than if you hop on her tomorrow and sheepishly mutter a few dirty phrases, give her a slap and then wander off to cry. Your comfort and your confidence are the key factors, and these will not materialise instantly. Just don't make the mistake of being so desperate to try and please her that you go too far outside your own comfrot zone too fast.
I'm not sure what other people have said but these are my suggestions:
Have a safe word... make it obscure like "Tunafish" so if anything goes wrong and she thinks its too much she, or you, can stop it immediatley. The word "No" and "stop" should mean nothing as she might get off on begging you to stop raping her but really, she wants you to carry on. The safe word allows this to happen with you being aware and happy she is safe and is enjoying herself even if she is begging other wise.
Set the scene... for a rape fantasy - you could set up an abduction. Set the scene by creating a night she is walking alone down a familular street and you bundle her into the car (in a set destination so she knows its you) and then do what you would like to her either in the car or at a destination. As you both become more comfortable with this - you could leave her a note saying that one night this week you'll take her and then go off your own steam of when and how - meaning she has less control which might fulfill her fantasy more. Talk about it in advance.
Get ideas... As it sounds like you are a gentle lover - maybe have a look at some porno's to get ideas on how to be a little more forceful. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with but start small like pulling her hair, dirty talk and tieing her up before you develop onto bigger things like whipping (if shes into it) , breathe control (if she's into it) and set fantasies. Be forceful with holding her down with your hands, if you are hurting her she can always say "tunafish" which means you can let off a bit... DONT STOP completely as it can ruin things but just be more careful before you work your way up to being more forceful. Ideas for being rough would just be to chuck her around in lots of different positions, hard fucking, throat fucking (if shes into it) degrading her by cumming on her face etc etc
Spider Chart... both you and your girlfriend could spider chart three things....
1. "Every Sexual activity you've heard about"
2. "every sexual activity you've done"
3. "every sexual activity you'd like to do"....
be totally open and put down everything you can think of or has tickled your sexual interest in the last one because it'll give you ideas what she'd like to do without her having to vocalize them - this is a massive bonus if she wants you to take control as it'll take away the knowlege you've had an indepth convo about it which makes some people loose the interest.
Talk about everything but the key is confidence. If you have confidence - it'll make her fantasy so much more realistic!!
You're amazing for wanting to do these things for her - but make sure you are happy too!!
C x
I'd be careful with doing this in public. If you bundle your partner into a car and someone saw it they might call the police or try and intervene!
would it help if you thought of it in terms of resistance play instead of a rape fantasy?
I have the rape fantasy as well, and i tend to explain it to partners in terms of it being rough sex where im restrained instead of anyhting like rape. I'm consenting and so are they if we do act on the fantasy.
as for talking dirty you could read some erotica ( theres plenty of free sites online) to see what phrases are popular or sound good and then use them? it may seem silly but you could practise on your own.
For the first few times of talking dirty could you get your OH to lead? getting her to say things that she likes could give you ideas. If im with a partner who has never talked dirty i tend to say things about myself, like "i'm a dirty little slut, don't you just want to fuck me hard and have her drink your come?" and then get them to reply to the questions or chat.
would it help if you thought of it in terms of resistance play instead of a rape fantasy?
I have the rape fantasy as well, and i tend to explain it to partners in terms of it being rough sex where im restrained instead of anyhting like rape. I'm consenting and so are they if we do act on the fantasy.
as for talking dirty you could read some erotica ( theres plenty of free sites online) to see what phrases are popular or sound good and then use them? it may seem silly but you could practise on your own.
For the first few times of talking dirty could you get your OH to lead? getting her to say things that she likes could give you ideas. If im with a partner who has never talked dirty i tend to say things about myself, like "i'm a dirty little slut, don't you just want to fuck me hard and have her drink your come?" and then get them to reply to the questions or chat.
I much prefer that term SL. I think I'd struggle to get over the term 'rape' but not so much resistance play. Good idea.
Its not an easy thing to handle - the idea of a 'rape' fantasy. I think for a lot of women, it is more the idea of forcefulness/resistance rather than rape. As most women who say they have a rape fantasy more than likely do not actually want to be raped!
A lot of people, Im guessing it could stick with awkwardly as they dont want to feel that they are forcing their OH into something that they dont want to do, but as long as you know your OH well enough to know her limits, then I am sure that it would work well.
It does involve a lot of trust, and if she has confided this in you, then it is brilliant since it means shed trust you enough to give you that much control! You do have to remember though, if you really dont feel comfortable with the idea of that fantasy of hers, then you dont have to do it considering sex is a two way thing.
Have you ever thought about doing anything in terms of restraints and D/s and/or control play, since that would probably also be fairly inviting to her if she has these fantasies. Would that sit better with you than a rape fantasy?
I hope it goes well for you both, and Im sorry if this is all babble - my mind is frazzled!
would it help if you thought of it in terms of resistance play instead of a rape fantasy?
I have the rape fantasy as well, and i tend to explain it to partners in terms of it being rough sex where im restrained instead of anyhting like rape. I'm consenting and so are they if we do act on the fantasy.
as for talking dirty you could read some erotica ( theres plenty of free sites online) to see what phrases are popular or sound good and then use them? it may seem silly but you could practise on your own.
For the first few times of talking dirty could you get your OH to lead? getting her to say things that she likes could give you ideas. If im with a partner who has never talked dirty i tend to say things about myself, like "i'm a dirty little slut, don't you just want to fuck me hard and have her drink your come?" and then get them to reply to the questions or chat.
That's a grand idea. The idea of rape fantasies makes me feel a bit uncomfortable but I do appreciate that between consenting adults it's fine. I think not calling it rape is a fantastic idea because I think of rape as being by definition non-consentual...calling it resistance play somehow makes the distinction between fantasy and reality much clearer. No idea if this makes any sense to anyone but me!!!
Watching this thread with interest. Have just mentioned to other half last night that I'd like to try some light S&M/bondage although I'm looking for tips of what to do. I like the idea of him making me kneel down and giving him a bj while holding on to me with a collar and calling me his naughty little slut, telling me what a good girl I am and how much I'm going to enjoy it when he screws my pussy and makes me come. Throw in a bit of gentle spanking and hair pulling and I'll be a happy girl. We have some bondage straps under the bed too.... might be time to give those a go!
Its not an easy thing to handle - the idea of a 'rape' fantasy. I think for a lot of women, it is more the idea of forcefulness/resistance rather than rape. As most women who say they have a rape fantasy more than likely do not actually want to be raped!
A lot of people, Im guessing it could stick with awkwardly as they dont want to feel that they are forcing their OH into something that they dont want to do, but as long as you know your OH well enough to know her limits, then I am sure that it would work well.
It does involve a lot of trust, and if she has confided this in you, then it is brilliant since it means shed trust you enough to give you that much control! You do have to remember though, if you really dont feel comfortable with the idea of that fantasy of hers, then you dont have to do it considering sex is a two way thing.
Have you ever thought about doing anything in terms of restraints and D/s and/or control play, since that would probably also be fairly inviting to her if she has these fantasies. Would that sit better with you than a rape fantasy?
I hope it goes well for you both, and Im sorry if this is all babble - my mind is frazzled!
i would probly try it that way first inara14 to build my self up to it, mind you that may be all she is wanting, so going slow and building up is the thing for me to do at the moment till i get comfortable doing it.
Resistance play sounds better than a rape fantasy, purely because i think when you call it "rape" it has that horrible association, so "resistance" definetly sounds better. I dont have much to add to be honest, as alot of the posts above have covered the main issues with this kind of play.