What’s the funniest or worst sexual mishap you’ve ever experienced?
Early today I was reminiscing on all my sexual slip-ups and how embarrassing some of them were. It got me thinking, surely I’m not the only one who’s had bad luck. Surely others have got just as embarrassing stories to tell. So this begs the question, what was your worst sexual mishap? Whether it’s thinking you’re home alone when you’re not, pulling a muscle or something much worse
I’ll start, one time I was masturbating and I decided as a treat to tie myself up. It was all fun and games until I got stuck and couldn’t undo the knot I’d made in the rope, I must have been struggling for about an hour (it felt way longer though) when I eventually managed to wiggle myself free. I suppose it’s nice to know that if I was in a hostage situation I’d be able to untie myself
Another time I was receiving a facial and got cum in one of my eyes. It went bright red and I couldn’t see out of it for a whole day, I was slightly concerned it would stay like that forever. Would have been an awkward one to explain.
Got a bit freaky and wanted to do some anal play, hubby mistook hand sanitiser for lubricant. 0/10 - burns like the gates of hell and makes your farts smell like Dettol!
It was a semi regular thing. She’d always be well turned on and very wet, lube or no lube, im not massive (7" ish) and she’s not petite.
Im not gonna say we were gentle, we were young and at it like rabbits back then, and every now and again I’d cause one of those tears, right at the back next to perineum.
Childbirth sorted that out though, it never happened after kid #1.
As for myself, knee injury shaggaing on hard floor. I could hear my knee going click/click/click against the tiled floor, but again, young and ahving sex, i wasnt gonna stop.
My knee swollen up quite good after that.
Was hobbling for a few days.
Sorry, I am laughing tears! I had a very similar experience when my hubby used a ‘warming’ gel as lub for some anal play.
Let me just say it was as if someone had shoved japanes wasabi paste up my butt
Oh believe me, I’m not religious but I was willing to start believing in a higher power. I’ve put spontaneous anal play on lockdown from now on and relocated the hand sanitiser for good measure, I wonder why
Mine was when I lost my virginity and I had a bullet vibrator what I used up the bum to Grindr on top and in the moment the other guy said careful you don’t lose that up there and literally as he said it the unthinkable happened and it sucked right up!!
In between the shock and nervous laughter of embarrassment I spent a good 20 mins in the bathroom of the travelodge room we was in trying to push it out farting away and eventually it fired out like the bullet down the toilet and round the u-bend buzzing away still in the pipes!!!
He heard everything and I was mortified having to come out and interact with him again but he was real sweet and gave me a hug and we chuckled away saying the cleaner will be wondering what this buzzing in the pipes is
Needless to say I was very impressed with the vibrators durability to survive and still keep going even after being flushed!!
Ive also bruised my insides when I got Carried away with some solo depth play…
Beyond that we’ve always known our limits and just had the regular malfunctions I think…
No doubt I’ll remember something else later on though…
I’m not counting using tigerbalm as lube… that was a definite error, but not an accident!
Many years ago we went on holidays with another couple. We’d rented a villa. They went out for the day and we sunbathed on the private patio.
One thing led to another and we get naked with my wife giving me a blow job. Just as we’re getting to the good part and she’s doing her deep throat thing (although you’ll soon find out it wasn’t that deep!)
Suddenly the doors open, they’d returned much earlier than expected.
So it was embarrassing for a number of reasons:
1… we’re both naked
2… we’re having sex
3… I have a pretty small penis. Barely 4 inches. And it’s on full display.
After the shock had settle down we all had a good laugh about it though.
My other memorable mishap was many years ago. I had got out of the shower and dried.
I was enjoying myself, the weather was warm and I got a little excited. I’d left my t-shirt downstairs in the kitchen. I was on my own in the house on my own and walked naked to get it.
I hadn’t realised that my next door neighbour had been knocking our front door to ask to borrow our hose pipe.
When I walked into the kitchen, that has a large patio door, she was stood there looking in, just about to pick up the hose pipe. I’m literally about 4 feet away.
There I am stood with a full on erection, which is
small and thin, (4 inches), but standing at full attention. I also shave or wax so it’s on full display.
She put her hands to her mouth and rushed off.
I later went around to apologise. I explained what had happened and we both ended up laughing about it.
I told my wife later, who was mortified, and she also went around.
Our neighbour has assured her that she wasn’t offended. My wife asked her not to say anything and she said ‘what? About it being so small?’ Apparently my wife blushed and said ‘no about it happening’. Our neighbour also then turned bright red and they both ended up laughing.
…aàagggghhh