The first thought that came to my mind DDD, is that you might have the problems and causes the wrong way round.
It seems you are thinking...I have lost my libido, lost sensitivity, getting upset and the sex is not so good now.
Whereas what I see is this: Getting upset, disappointed and aggravated over the state of sex, so the lbido has dropped and sensitivity is going.
I speak from experience when I say this, because I have gone through numerous blips myself over the years. I used to get so frustrated wondering why things that used to work well, now failed and why everything just felt so meh. It was only coming out of these blips that I realised how powerful the mind is in arousal, orgasm, the whole shebang.
For a full year I found it reeeeeally hard to orgasm or even feel anything. I realised it was the medication I was taking. It had numbed me. I stopped taking it and occasionally would have amazing sessions and amazing orgasms, but they were few and far between for about 6 months. I realised why: During the year that I had struggled due to the medication, I got into a ritual of self doubt, beating myself up mentally. Before the sessions would even start I was irritated and saying to myself, what's the bloody point. This is only going to end in frustration. I would begin the session, telling myself to stop thinking negative and just try and for 5 to 10 minutes I would attempt to keep the thoughts away....but I was thinking about thinking about the thoughts! I would soon begin to mentally "access" what was going on. Like this: How long has he been down there now? Should I not be closer by now? Am I taking too long? Will be notice I am struggling? Then I would get irritated because he wasn't "doing it correctly" I needed it to be EXACTLY how I needed it because I was struggling and if he didnt do it EXACTLY right and drifted away for a few seconds I was back in my head again thinking such things like: Okay, well I think that just set me back ten minutes, or well I am not going to get there at this rate.
So much thinking, so much judging (myself) so much stress and irritation and general negativity.....I could not orgasm from him doing anything! It pissed me off. I USED to be able to enjoy it when he did AB and C. I used to orgasm easily when he did A B and C. Very occasionally I COULD still orgasm easily from A B and C so what the hell was wrong the other 90% of the time?
Thankfully we have always been pretty good at communicating so I told him all this and more over the 6 months. I began to realise the thoughts I was having wasn't helping (you know, people tell you to relax, stop worrying, stop thinking, stop stressing) so I decided to just try it without thinking. That is NOT easy when you are in the habit and it just happens naturally. It still took me monthssss of trying, to not stress out and worry if it didnt happen (I still would a lot of the time), but gradually I managed to somehow change the thoughts enough to allow orgasms to become a bit more common. Still, it wasn't perfect and I often had to work hard and focus like crazy to get there instead of just relaxing.
As the orgasms came a bit more regular, I got a little more confidence and understood it probably was my thoughts blocking me (as opposed to a physical issue) That helped me to reduce the negative thoughts further and slowly but surely my orgasms became more regular again. Not only that, but after a time, they became natural and easy again. Explosive and enjoyable and not forced or pressured. The more that happened, the more the negative thoughts vanished and I could relax and enjoy it.
But it is not perfect. I still go through bouts of this to this day, where, for whatever reason I struggled to orgasm and I begin the cycle of worry (It's starting again) ...luckily I have managed to avoid it turning into 18 months and manage to break out after a week or two.
The more disconnected or irritated I feel towards my partner, the more the problem arises. When we have gone through periods of time when I thought he was making way less effort than me, or that he was kinda just....ticking along using the same old routines etc....whenever I get a bit frustrated at him, the problem rears its head again. This time because I am thinking negative things like "I wish he would do more foreplay than this every time" or "He doesn't seem that into this"
Most of the thoughts are based on my view of the situation. See, I know my partner is extremely shy about making the first move. Terrified even and although 99% of the time I don't mind and I am happy to do so....sometimes I get into this little negative narrative in my head that he just "doesn't care as much"....I am basicall frustrated and catastophise the situation. During sex I am no longer "in my body" but I am "in my head" thinking too much again.
Each and every time I have had issues with orgasm, it has been down to being in the wrong frame of mind: Irritation, frustration, self doubt, insecurity and all of those insidious little thoughts that creep in and just cut the connection between body and mind, making it so difficult to connect up with the physical feelings.
I have noticed that when I am in the right frame of mind (arouses, with no doubts, no irritations at him and nothing bothering me) that his touch blows my freakin mind. I can orgasm in minutes and he can even edge me successfully. I have some of the best orgasms and it feels like he can do no wrong. Every touch is electric.
But if I am irritable, frustrated, doubting or in any way negative, his touch on my clitoris feels like he is rubbing a cat up the wrong way. He "manages" to keep catching my clitoris wrong, causing uncomfortably intense sensations that make me want to slam my legs closed. its like nails on a chalkboard. I wonder how is it possible that the night before, this same touch made me quiver in orgasmic ecstasy and now it feels almost painful, or even boring!
And what is it that causes my clitoris (and the rest of me) to feel such different sensations, even though it is a similar caress? MY MIND. Always always my mind.
As I have paid attention to this strange phenomena over the past 5 years or so, I realise that, without a shadow of a doubt, it is not the physical touch that decides if I orgasm or not (or even how intense it is) but my mind. My mind has to "allow" it, crave it, need it and be positive about getting it and then my body follows suit. I guess its kinda like a car....you put in the fuel and then go turn the key and it jumps into life, purring. Without the fuel, you can keep twiddling that key all day in an attempt to start the damn thing, but the best you might get is a cough and a splutter before it dies again.
I honestly think the most important thing a woman can do to enjoy a more orgasmic sex life is to care for her mind. Try to rid any negative thoughts and invite positive ones in. I have noticed many women who struggle to orgasm have mental blocks, whether it be a childhood raised in the belief that "touching yourself is dirty" or whether they are very shameful of their own bodies etc....it is so often something in the mind.
I don't know if this helps, but this is just what I sensed when reading your post. Maybe this is not the case, but as I read through your post, I could sense the same feelings (frustration, upset, irritation, worry) I have had so many times before and that have also cut my ability to enjoy sex or reach orgasm.
You can fix it. It might be quick or take a while and you probably will have nights where things improve and then suddenly its back. Don't let those negative images steal your orgasm. Make a mental image of tying up and gagging that side of you who comes to sit on your shoulder and begin judging each time you get sexual. Strap her down and tell her to shush lol.
And it is important to not judge yourself for judging yourself. So, you catch your mind drifting off to some negative thought and then start getting irritated at yourself for letting your mind wander. DON'T DO THIS! Simply just accept sometimes those thoughts come in, put a pin in them to come back to later and relax again. If you focus so hard on focusing...that can be a problem too.
This is why it is difficult. Its about stopping the thoughts, without trying too hard, but accepting they might happen, but trying to reduce them or push them aside without beating yourself up!
So...yeah! lol Just know you are not alone and I am willing to bet that re-connecting with your man and reconnecting with the positive side of your sexuality, will help things return bit by bit.
If it doesn't, it might be worth considering physical issues. Medication, nerve damage and all sorts of issues COULD cause numbness and anorgasmia too.
Good luck (sorry for the long post too)