Hi all new to hear in need of some help to understand why my guy prefers to watch porn rather than be with myself, I have tried it all talked dirty, played with myself for him,tried all ways sex toys, dressing up role play etc at the end of my tether, he says he loves me and doesn't mean anything but I feel I am being cheated out of my sexual needs, just bought some new toys from lovehoney he saw the email and package over a week ago hasn't even mentioned them and guess what no came near me, how can I compete with porn I am told I am sexy good looking and into the bargain a nurse so I know my body and god I don't half pull of my nurses uniform never short of admirers and I keep myself on top form in all ways so what am I doing wrong help please it's hurting me and yes I've told him all this but no joy xxxxxxxx
Sounds very odd. If i had a ready and willing woman with a box full of sex toys and a nurses uniform she would be launched on to the bed in 5 seconds flat!
I would say that maybe he has some kind of confidence issues. Porn may actually be making it worse as alot of it can be very unrealistic and give false impressions of sex. Try having a conversation with him outside the bedroom about what he likes sexually. Has this always been an issue?
Is it a very regular occurrence? If not it could just be that sometimes he'd rather masutbate. Sex is effort and sometimes you just want that easy orgasm. Kind of like how I'd rather have a home cooked dinner every night but if I'm the one making the effort to cook sometimes I'll settle for chicken dippers and potato waffles because it's easier.
If it very regular then he could be addicted?
when you do have sex does he struggle to orgasm? He could have become accustomed to porn and mastubation and his body struggles to orgasm for anything different.
do you know what type of porn he's into? Could you watch it together?
Hi sex always been a bit of a struggle with him from the start, I think I have given up and just started to please myself toys are great fun but it's not the same as making love, of late he has struggled with getting hard and staying hard often I know it's getting soft during it so I usually Finnish him off with a blow job which seems to do the trick but it's when he is inside me it didn't seem to stay up, I feel Ge gets all the pleasure and he isn't a fan of oral sex to me or foreplay I am getting no pleasure apart from my toys, I really think it's because he is watching porn and wanking it's girl on girl he watches which doesn't di anything for me so why watch it with him all I need is a good f...k lol xxx
Firstly Hi and welcome to the forums xx
I understand how frustrating this must be for you. It does sound as though he may have become addicted to porn, particularly girl on girl if that's what he's watching/ using to masturbate.
We all need different things to get us turned on. I hope it's the fact that he's doing that rather then being with you that you don't like ? He's entitled to watch whatever he fancies but obviously if its becoming detrimental to your relationship sexually with him then it needs addressing. Maybe you can watch it with him and see how that works. Turn him on a bit saying that you'd like him to do some of those things to you ? I know you said it does nothing for you but maybe it will if you get what you want at the end of it ? We all have to do things we dont particularly enjoy at some point in our lives.
I really think you also need to sit down and explain to him exactly how you feel. If he's having problems getting, and staying hard, there's probably an underlying reason. He may be relieved that you have your toys if he's having these difficulties but that dosen't solve the problem. It may be that he thinks you prefer your toys....a huge dent in his ego. Toys certainly have there place but while he's watching porn and you're playing with toys......nothing is going to get solved. You need to sit down and talk.....but make sure you really listen to each other.....and be prepared to compromise, both of you.
Good luck xx
Why don't you try and shock him in the bedroom and take control . Get yourself an authoritive costume. A police woman would do the trick and arrest him with handcuffs and charge him with sex neglect or viewing "unlawful" porn and keep in full charge while you get your evil ways with him.If your into impact play you can always whack his rear as well and give him a really good hiding !
I can't imagine many guys who wouldn't want that sort of treatment .I think with you in full control will be a big big turn on for him .I am sure if you look hot in a nurses uniform then you would be really hot in a policewomans uniform especially if you wear the shades as well .Shades incidently you can get very cheap from one of the poundstores and just add the finishing touch to a police uniform .
To add to the occasion arrest him when he is least expecting it as well .
It could be worth a try and I luv it when my woman does this as its the only time that she is dominant in the bedroom . My only complaint is that it doesn't happen often enough!
I have a policemans cop uniform stashed secretly away as well and will be arresting my woman at some stage when she isn't expecting it.
Just an idea for you
Yeah it sounds like he has become addicted to porn and probably also become too accustomed to maturation. There's a term for it but I can't remember. Basically by using the same method over and over again his body and brain struggles to become aroused and climax for anything else.
You need to have and nothing conversation outside the bedroom and explain that it's affecting your relationship and he needs to address this. It may be that he doesn't want to change. In which case there really isn't a lot you can do other than leave or accept.
If it is really bad and has been going on for some time he may need actual counselling to get past.
But more than often simple abstinence for a few weeks rectifies it. This is not watching porn at all and possibly not mastubating or simply using a lighter grip during mastubating.
This definitely sounds like porn addiction. Its such a difficult thing, its awful for the partners as no mater what we do we will never live up to the actresses in porn, mainly as they are paid to look ss I they are enjoying it! My husband has been "clean" for 18 months now and getting here was a struggle.
The problem with porn addiction is withdrawal, psychological reports show it has a similar effect on your brain as meth amphetamine withdrawal. If you live near a city there are SAA (sex addicts anonymous) meetings. You can search for them online. They work similar to AA with a 12 step program, if you don't live near to a meeting you can phone or Skype it. They really are fantastic.
Hardest part for you is to get through to him this is hurting you. What worked for me was sitting him down, telling him how inferior and miserable I felt, how our relationship was dying. I was having my own issues with sex and this just added to it all.
Now our sex life is fantastic, best it has been as there is no porn and no masturbation(extreme I know but it works for us) so there is no impossible fantasy to live up to.
my bf often masturbates several times a day. i cant always be there to help or join in so i accept that we both need our me time.
if i thought for one minute that he was preferring masturbation over sex and play with me, id talk to him. and we'd work though it.
when we are active together we are both generous lovers orally, anally you get the idea, we have good a balance of giving and recieving and theres no issue if i need to play further after sex etc (he is disabled and cant always finish what we start).
if you are unhappy with the balance of attention your getting ie you mentioned that hes not fond of giving oral then you do need to talk and find some middle ground.
Littlestars wrote:
my bf often masturbates several times a day. i cant always be there to help or join in so i accept that we both need our me time.
if i thought for one minute that he was preferring masturbation over sex and play with me, id talk to him. and we'd work though it.
when we are active together we are both generous lovers orally, anally you get the idea, we have good a balance of giving and recieving and theres no issue if i need to play further after sex etc (he is disabled and cant always finish what we start).
if you are unhappy with the balance of attention your getting ie you mentioned that hes not fond of giving oral then you do need to talk and find some middle ground.
Your last paragraph sort of sums everything up really. Its all about balance .If he prefers porn to proper sex then that has to be challenged through communication.
If he has what is sometimes called "Death Grip" then he is better leaving him self alone for some time to regain the sensitivity .