Found a list on my wife’s phone of men she has slept with.
Names, ratings out of 10, where she met them and dates.
We have been together 11 years and I’m freaked out. Am I right to feel that this is strange. Why would she still have this list? Why would she be rating them?
I may not speak for others, but that would bother me too.
I can’t say why she’d still have this.
You said she has dates. I hope none were during your marriage.
At some point I think a discussion with her about this needs to take place.
I don’t know you of course. If this will continue to eat away at you and bother you and slowly simmer and get worse, you will have to talk to her about it, about why etc.
I hope others will chime in with better info for you than I’ve provided for you. There are some good people on the forum who are quite knowledgeable so hopefully you’ll get some good advice.
I mentioned this a while ago. It seems common amongst men and women (although I’ve never had a list). Almost like it’s a generational thing but after 11 years you would like to believe, she no longer needs any previous list.
Maybe have a chat with her and let her know your feelings about the situation 
I think it is reasonable for her to explain to you. If it is just for memories then perhaps it’s OK but still kind of odd.
Definitely a little weird after all that time. Hopefully they are all from before you met.
Talk to your wife and ask her. Its very possible its just carried over from phone to phone when she’s changed her phone and she may not even know its on there. When I’ve made space for more storage on my phone, I’ve found things from before I split with my ex, in 2014. Didn’t know I had them, deleted them once I did.
Its pperfectly normal for you to feel upset, but don’t make up the story for yourself. Find out what the real story is 
Is it mean to sy that I don;t belive you?
if she really had it it was some kind of joke with ehr friends, but I dont belive you
Let’s not worry about your wife’s list for the moment, why are you looking through your wife’s phone? That’s her private space, and her reasons for having that list are her own. Weird? Yes, but so is snooping.
I’ve been with my husband 18 years, married for 13, and not once have he nor I gone through one another’s phones. Healthy couples trust one another and respect one another’s privacy.
I make weird lists of things sometimes but my husband would never look on my phone.
Curiosity Killed The Cat.
Prehaps you shouldn’t have been looking through her phone. Had she recently had a girly night out,a few drinks and girly talk and ended making a list on her phone as she’s probably not going to write it down on paper. Does she ever look at this forum, and that gave her the idea to make a list? Was you listed and was it a favorable score? Its a hard one, if you ask her about, she may be unhappy with decision to look at her phone. Good luck with how you move forward, I would have a good think for a few days before deciding what to do. Do you really want to open Pandoras Box?
Talk to her but did she have the same phone before you met, most important is your name on it? and at the top of the list even more important anyone else’s name been added.
You’re right to question it but don’t go off the deep end.
Look at the list and consider the following:
A conversation is definitely in order, but don’t go off the deep end unless there are obvious deliberate lies / deception in there. If you suspect infidelity then take a copy of the list before you confront her and maybe even take your time to do a bit more research into her other devices before you show your hand. You may find it helpful down the line in the divorce courts (far fetched and I am NOT suggesting for a second that this is where it’ll head.. but preparedness is key in life)..
Otherwise a calm, reasoned conversation “Hey darling, I accidentally found this on your phone the other day when I was airdropping myself these photos. I am really sorry I was’t deliberately snooping but I cannot unsee it now, it took me aback and I have questions. Are you open to talking about it?”
If she responds in kind, is reasonable and talks to you, then you’re probably okay. If she gets defensive right off the bat then massive red flags would be flying high for me.
I agree with you and disagree at the same time.
My wife and I know each others passwords, we don’t snoop, i agree that it’s not okay, but neither of us blink if the other needs each others phone.
Whether we’ve been on a family day out and want to airdrop some photos over from the other ones phone, or like the other day her phone had not properly connected to the charger overnight and she was off to do the school run so she just took my phone so she had one in her pocket, and left hers here on charge.
That’s normal and healthy, but if she saw something on my phone that raised questions I would expect her to ask me about it. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t want her to come in all guns blazing accusing me of things without basis, but calm, reasonable questions are fine.
I’ve been with my wife 26 years, married 22. I think married people who need the kind of privacy that enables them to keep quite salacious lists of past partners absolutely have questions to answer, but those questions must be reasonable and asked respectfully.
Talk to her about it. In a strong relationship there shouldn’t be any secrets.
Samantha here. Wow. Not sure what to say. I think that’s very weird and a little disrespectful to you.
I used to have have regular fuck buddies and one night stands, but never would I make a list. Within the 1st month of being with ben I had discussed my past with him and deleted all traces of every other guy.
11 years is a long time, and I know if ben had just found this out, he would be angry
How did she rate you?
I agree with you.
Need is one thing, but it’s the snooping that’s the issue. If a a partner needs to take a photo, they should be using the camera. If they need to make a call, they should be using the phone. Even if it’s saved on her home screen, ask about it, there’s no need to open it and see what it is.
My husband and I don’t borrow one another’s phones unless it’s an absolute emergency. Usually we trust the other has taken a picture of whatever we’ve both decided deserves photographing, or, if our phone is dead, we’ll ask the other to call whoever needs to be contacted. Different couples work in different ways, but healthy couples don’t snoop.
And as for the list, definitely it’s a question worth asking. But also I agree that it should be approached respectfully, and, unless the phone was handed over freely, the asker should be prepared to be asked why they were going through their partber’s phone. It sounds like they both have some explaining to do, that may or may not help, going forward.
so, 1st of all i get why your freaking out but i need more info,
1 ) how did you find the list (if you were on her phone without permission your relationship has bigger problems)
had the file be accessed recently i have all sorts on my phone thats just back up from phone to phone that i have forgotten about
is anyone on the list after you got togther
4)are you on the list if not, maybe it was a phase, maybe done for a laugh with some mates to compare, or even a list a friend sent her so not even her list
while its strange is it really any more strange than keeping a real diary?
my advice is talk to her, but go easy as she might go on the defensive that you have been snooping
good luck
My list is that short I don’t need to write it down. Sometime I think I may have missed out but been with my oh 15+ years so must be doing something alright
My list would be very short
Name of first 0
Name of second 0
Name of hubby 10 