We’ve been swingers for over a decade. Longer for me and we met on a well known swingers site, started out just as regular FB’s and eventually started meeting others as a couple. Then fell head over heels for eachother, married 8 years ago and took a complete ‘swinging sabbatical’ for about 5 years to enjoy life together for a while. We started being active again about 18 months ago and make regular club trips where we just meet single guys rather than couples. We also attend organised socials and do the occasional (time permitting) private meet. Always with other men.
There’s no jealousy on my part at all. Yes, there’s a turn on either seeing my OH with others if I’m taking a back seat and just watching for a while but usually I’ll then join in as it gives her double the attention.
We discussed a while back the idea to find a regular ‘boyfriend’ for both her to meet alone (once we’re all comfortable and of course after much chat, socialising and initial meets together) with the idea being we’d all also play together at times as well as just her and him separately away from home.
Finding the right guy was a minefield, but aided by the fact I’m very active on the swinging site forums so there were plenty of people I’d had a lot of engagement with over extended periods of time. We’d looked at a few options, had initial chats, she’d spoken to them privately on the phone and the first couple, whilst initially promising, ended up being discounted by her and myself as not being the 100% ideal match.
We then bumped into an online ‘friend’ at a swinging social event who we arranged to meet for a drink locally as an ice breaker, without him knowing about our proposal. We all got on brilliantly so we asked him if he’d be interested.
He declined. Not because he wasn’t attracted to or interested in my OH but because he only met people 1-2-1 and wouldn’t be comfortable with me being involved at all, which I totally respected as many in the scene will say what they want you to hear just to get access to women. So we talked more, established what everyone would be comfortable with and they’ve now had a couple of social meets and are planning more to make sure they’re both 100% comfortable before anything gets physical.
Its been a steep learning curve for the three of us as its a completely new dynamic for us all. But if it works out, then she will have a ‘part time boyfriend’ to spend time both socially and sexually with away from me and we’ll continue our club experiences and still look for that extra for threesome regular meets.
They key thing is trust. 110% trust. Whenever you do anything with someone else you need comfort and security but when you move to a position where your wife, the most important person in your life, will be meeting another man alone for both sex and just hanging out, drinks and regular social activities, i have one piece of advice.
If you can’t trust them both, have total confidence that everyone knkws the dynamic, will abide by set boundaries and no lines will be blurred or crossed then forget it. It’s a recipe for disaster. You’ll find yourself sat dwelling on what’s happening, what’s being said and worrying about safety.
The guy we’ve found is a saint and a gent. He treats my wife no differently than I do, respects hers and my wishes, understands that he’s becoming part of an established couple who have a child, work commitments, time constraints and a ‘normal’ life to balance with anything new. He’s not rushing anything, not looking for a quick thrill and is hoping (as we do) that this will be a long term thing. So far there’s been a few times where my OH and I have had long chats, re-discussed things and gone over the logistics to iron out potential issues down the line.
There’s no guarantee it will work as well as we hope. But fingers crossed, because the way we’ve approached it has benefits for us all, we all get on fantastically and we’re open to discussion on any wobbles, worries or concerns from anyone at all times.
It’ll be an interesting journey. Hopefully a long one.
why can’t dad have a lads night alone with his boys or spend some quality time with his daughter?
and so what if they saw her out with another guy?
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