So we had a guy at the house tonight. Vwe. He had sex with my wife on the sofa and left. He is an older married man. His wife is unaware that he has sex with my wife. Is that a no no? She says its not our business. But I feel bad.
1 Like
Each to their own, but for me it would be a huge no no.
Although it is her husband that is cheating on his wife, your wife is a willing participant in the, I hesitate to use the word betrayal, but effectively that’s what it is.
Just my thoughts.
4 Likes
Yeah I am inclined to agree. I know she really enjoys her time with him and I suspect that is why. He brings it up too. He calls my wife his dirty secret. But they are having sex at least once a week now and I think it has gone too far. He lives near so can always come to the house from the pub etc.
He is in his mid 60s and so is his wife. We are early 40s. He says that his wife just doesn’t want sex anymore and turns a blind eye when he goes out. He also brings guys with him v occasionally and I think they are all extended friends. So there could be a situation where this group of couples find out that some of them are having sex with my wife. Too much drama
Ok I’m going to be blunt, he is the one that is being unfaithful, we know that. But your wife is making it your business by having regular sex with him and by allowing his other friends to participate.
When it comes out (because it will) his wife is going to blame your wife, because thats how it always goes. His wife won’t see you and your wife, as innocent parties in this, and you’re not. You’re both complicit and any drama that comes from it, is deserved.
Go to a swingers club, meet couples who are open to sharing and have consented to that.
5 Likes
Up to you guys, if your happy and it fulfils your needs then why not…
As long as the trouble doesn’t land on your doorstep, or invite her in to join in 
Nothing wrong with it in my opinion, which probably differs to others.
1 Like
To me it’s a big no no but as others say each to their own 
1 Like
You seem to be relaxed about it and so I would let it lie
No, not ok. Everybody in the relationships should know what’s going on and be ok with it, otherwise, there’s trouble ahead.
2 Likes
It takes two to Cheat. So in my opinion your wife is also the guilty part. Putting my money on that the other wife doesn’t know about it.
1 Like
I think you already have your answer in your opening post. At the end of the day, your feelings are what should matter most to your wife. You are a married couple who should respect each other’s boundaries. If this is making you feel uncomfortable then you need to talk to her, explain how you feel and ask her to end things with this man.
2 Likes
For me personally it’s a big NO! Totally over stepping the boundaries.
I agree with what some of the other members have already said, your wife is just as bad as the cheating husband, and her knowing he’s married but is still willing to shag him just shows that she doesn’t care, just as long as she gets what she wants, she doesn’t careless who gets hurt in the process. But on the other hand you’re not completely innocent in this either, if you feel bad, like you stated you do, you wouldn’t let this carry on. But each to their own I guess
3 Likes
There is no right and wrong answer here, you and your wife can only decide on where it is right or wrong for your relationship. Members here can only answer what is right or wrong for them by their code and everybody has a different code. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong. It is not against the law so it is personal decision.
You must decide if the excitement in your relationship from this has gone too far and it is wrong for your relationship and code or not, just because you have started it and enjoyed it does not mean it is right for you now!
Discuss with your wife and if right for you it is right for your relationship, best of luck and remember there may be consequences but that is all part of the risk taking. Think risk assessment and if you are happy with the decision between you then good luck to you. I am not here to judge you or your personal code.
2 Likes
Probably end badly?
Strictly speaking he’s the one in the wrong and if you ditch him then he will eventually cheat elsewhere anyway.
However I wouldn’t continue, when it is all uncovered nobody looks good and worst case you end up with some (justifiably) mad wife at your doorstep screaming the odds. It’s just not a good look on anyone.
Ditch him, move on, you don’t that shit in your life.
It’s not often, but on 4 separate occasions he has had a different friend with him (one guy has been twice) who also have sex with her after he has.
She encourages him to bring men over with him so that’s on us.
I showed her all your replies and she said she knows she is behaving very badly with this.
I actually arrange the meets as she doesn’t even have his number. So I am definitely complicit.
I suspect that most of the men we meet don’t tell their wives to be honest. It just never gets brought up by them. She said how far do we take it. If they don’t mention it do we assume it is fine or do we need a permission slip from their partners before she has sex with them.
I have always actively encouraged her with men. One guy we used to see once brought 7 guys from a stag do (the groom came but didn’t do anything with her) and many of them were married.
I said I feel weird that he brings up his wife when he has sex with her. Almost gloating that he is doing it.
We do go to clubs (Rios in Kentish Town London eg). But many men on their own there. We also meet couples too. But it is much easier meeting men and to be blunt she likes a few men at the same time so invariably they are v likely to be doing behind partners back
Id love to invite her and I did ask! Im decent looking so assumed he’d take up the offer!
Honestly given how she reacts when he mentions his wife and the context I think in the heat of the moment she enjoys the idea of being someone he can ‘use’ whenever he feels like it. Especially given the 23 year age gap. He never stays more than 30 mins and v little small talk or anything like kissing etc. So I think she is detached from it feeling intimate. He will literally come to the house and within 2 mins they will be having sex (usually on the sofa, so not even on a bed). When he finishes he either leaves or has a cigarette in the garden if his friend is with him. Its a strange one