Wife would like to be the dominant one when it comes to our sex life.
Not in the “full on dominant” role, just more vanilla like but dominant, like when, where, is he allowed an orgasm, how many she can have, denying him for lengths of time, sex toy choices, sexy lingerie, role play etc.
Is this sort or relationship fairly normal, or is it quite extreme.
She would also like advice on how to be like this please.
I’m generally the more dominant in everyday life, and so she prefers it too, but for sex play, she’d it more on her terms, me too actually.
Having a dominant partner and me being submissive is a big turn on for us both, just not sure how to get the confidence in her so she can be the sexy person she wants to be.
Why don’t you start with a Female Led Male Chastity relationship.
You don’t have to wear a cage. You can work on the ‘Honour’ system.
Basically she takes total control over your orgasms (and hers). She controls how and how often you can have an orgasm. She can take her orgasms as often as she wants, either alone, allowing you to watch, or demanding that you provide her with them whilst being unable to come yourself.
She teases you or edges you if she likes but forbids you to orgasm and obviously on the honour system you’re not allowed to cheat and masturbate secretly.
I wore a cage as I enjoyed the feeling of being totally controlled but it’s not essential if you can be trusted.
Typically she would deny my orgasms for 2,4 or even 6 weeks at a time whilst teasing me daily and having at least one and often many more orgasms herself every day.
For us this led on to pegging, feminisation and eventually a full BDSM relationship with impact play but you can stop at any stage you feel comfortable with.
@Dazeduk / I agree with @rockstar - she is in charge and she must not allow your release until she agrees
I only allow my husband to cum about once a month and I choose how he cums - this makes him wanting more and he gets more and more horny
He is used daily to pleasure me - he does get regular spanking / cane about 4 times a week and regularly gets pegged
I get him wearing lingerie at all times - stockings and suspenders with matching knickers - I allow him to wear white / yellow / pink or pretty patterns- this makes him more feminine- and he looks wonderful when ment over for spankings or pegging
As a dominant she needs to not go soft on you - you are submissive and you need to respect that
I use many things to make him submissive- but his presence is spanking - this needs to be hard and sting
Always play safe and have safe words
I hope you enjoy- first step is to get you into lingerie and a good paddle on your ass /
A treat for you is to be allowed to wear her wet knickers (a reward I allow after he makes me good and wet )
If you are the normally more dominant partner in the relationship, and similar to the excellent advice already given by @rockstar & @batjamboree I hope I can present another option.
After talking openly with each other about what you want from the change in relationship dynamic. Write down all the agreed interests and start off with some of the easier/softer changes.
Buy a choker or get one of those automated dog tag machines to make you a tag with your sub title on it and present it to your Dom wife while kneeling at her feet. (Best Christmas Day present ever if there’s no family about)
Put the choker/tag in a box, have your safe word on a card and things you would like your Dom to try out over the day. Then wearing something sexy and feminine like some lacy boxer shorts. Bring your Master breakfast in bed and after serving the breakfast tray with the box and as suggested kneel until it’s placed around your neck and then let the days fun begin.
Your wife then keeps the box build her confidence as your Dom and ask that over the coming week you are made submissive to her an agreed number of times, and either when you come in from work or at her choosing you are presented with the box and you need to change your clothes and kneel waiting for her to place the choker/tag on you before you play again.
As for a collar, not sure that’s her just yet, still very vanilla in her thoughts, same with being made to wear lingerie, not yet I don’t think.
As for the spanking, that I could really get into, I would love her to try that, would she, maybe, but it’d have to be a slow start to build her confidence!
Any ideas on how she could incorporate spanking into our relationship, I would absolutely love her to be confident enough to really enjoy it, I think that’s something we could start with.
Also the denying me an orgasm theme too, loving that, she would too, that she had mentioned in the past.
Any other ideas of how to get her more confident, should I take more of an active role in doing so, if so, how would I do that.
Or, is it just best to let her find her own way, the only problem with that she says, she doesn’t really know where to start and she might feel a little uncomfortable!
I love the idea of us writing down our thoughts, wants etc, that could be a good start.
@Dazeduk - I think you need to tell her about spanking- choose the desired paddle / crop / cane from Lovehoney and when it arrives tell her to practice on your bottom
Be honest - she need to practice to get you spanked in the right place and find what is your limit
As for you not being allowed to cum - tell her - it will heighten your pleasure
As for lingerie - I would ask that in spanking you can wear a pair of her knickers (she then spanks you for wearing her knickers) - she should agree to that
As @batjamboree says it would be lovely to be “caught” wearing her knickers.Then she can spank you first of all wearing them,then take them down and spank your bare bum.Then pull them back up and this time receive the cane before once again removing them for a bare bum caning.My wife and I find this ritual so appealing.Also i think once she sees just how hard your cock gets when your in lingerie (believe me you will love it and feel even more subservient to her) she will more than likely start coming up with some ideas of her own.Good luck and keep us informed of your progress.
@HappyInPanties - totally agree - I love and my husband loves it when I pull his knickers down for a spank and then pull back up for a harder spank or cane
It’s the taboo turn on of wearing women’s knickers always gets men hard
Yes,the fact it is considered taboo and some people like to make it so actually makes it far more of a turn-on and so sexy and naughty.Today i’m wearing a white multi layered pair of lace knickers with lots of bows and embellishments and they are so feminine they look like a Sissies dream.As you say,i will be hard all day,cage allowing
If you are into or want to explore pegging that is a great way to exercise dominance.
I love pegging my husband and he loves it too but it is always on my terms. I choose when he gets pegged and in what position. How soft or hard I thrust and whether he gets an orgasm from me or not.
Sometimes I instruct him to masturbate for me as I watch. Recently I’ve instructed him to suck my dildo which he told me was exciting.
Light bondage is also a dominant practice worth trying as he has to surrender total control to you and face sitting is so satisfying with him restrained.
Just some ideas for you to discuss together. Enjoy you dom adventure but don’t let it take over you sex life.
@Love_Stud_Too - totally agree it’s a fantastic way of showing dominance- it’s up to me (the woman) to both spank and then if deemed needed to introduce a dildo into the submissives bottom
I again always control depth and speed and position of pegging / however with pegging he will be aware it’s coming as he will need to prepare himself (shower / douche/ butt plug)
Pegging, ohh, something I’ve actually thought about a lot really, not so with my wife. I may of mentioned over the months, year that wearing a harness is something I might find exciting, but not sure it with any further than that.
I think I just need to start slow, I think maybe she needs to find what appeals to her first & foremost, as for me, anything & everything goes.
I like the idea of talking or writing down ideas & things we life first, orgasm denial yes, being spanked, not sure yet (but me yes), wearing her panties while being slammed, never thought of that, but wow! Not sure how she’ll feel.
I think I need to take small steps with everything.
Any Ideas other than those listed above, but not too kinky?
It takes time to learn to be a dominant - my wife took years but now is perfect
As a dom she needs to
Regularly spank you for no reason
Demand oral sex on her
Refuse you to cum
Get you wearing lingerie to her choice
Pegging is vital
Gets you to do domestic chores (I have to dress up for this )
Regular put downs
My wife also chooses lingerie for both me or her to wear and choose paddles / whips - but I have to pay …
Personally I would not change a thing
(Currently making tea - dressed in black skirt white blouse with black bra knickers and stockings )
Hello @Dazeduk and welcome to the forum. My apologies I didn’t reply to you sooner, I’ve been trying to get things a bit more festive around here.
I’m the other way around to you; I am a take-charge woman married to my more “submissive” (but not to me!) Master. A lot of people guess that I’m the whip-wielder in our marriage but I get that look that says “don’t say a f**king word if you plan on sitting down tonight”, aka “the Dom stare”
There’s been a lot of great advice here already and I can see you’ve found some things that interest you. I have a free guide to BDSM from our more than 25 combined years in the community, including a free BDSM checklist and some notes on communication which you’re more than welcome to read here: Communication In BDSM – Ten Shades & Me . Feel free to have a browse around generally as well, it’s all there to help
