ok im new here and never talked to anyone about this before but iv been desperate for some help for years and im hoping this is the right place to find some.
ok so im 24 and female and iv never had an orgasm from intercourse from men or toys. i became sexually active with males when i was a teenager and had a few different partners but none have made me orgasm from anything other than oral and even that took well over an hour. masturbation is normally fine, sometimes i find it difficult but mostly it works a treat however only via clitoral stimulation.
during intercourse iv never even got a tingle or anything which had me believing for many years that there was something wrong with me down there. but still every so often id try penetration with a toy in the hopes something would happen and nothing until recently, i dont orgasm but i do get tingles and i feel like i get close i just cant get the full way.
im just wondering if anyone has any ideas, tips or tricks or anything that might help this problem.
also iv recently started dating a new guy and im worried that when we do get intimate that i wont be able to orgasm, its always been the main reason relationships havnt worked for me because guys get annoyed and frustrated that i dont finish and then we stop having sex and it all goes downhill. i havent had a boyfriend or sex for 2 and a half years now and id like things to get better and like to fix my problem.
any advice or anything will be greatly appreciated
errr just tell him (or show him in some way) that you need lots of clitoral stimulation, The ordnance survey produce maps which I believe can pinpoint the clitoris.
Just joking ...Mrs G is exactly the same but penetration makes an orgasm stronger, still only happens with the clitoris though.
Absolutely nothing wrong with you, so no need to worry. :)
Most of us girlies (me included) can't orgasm from penetration alone and need that oh so important clitoral stimulation to get there! As gunther said, tell your new guy that you need lots of clitoral stimulation to orgasm...if men don't know this, they're the ones doing it wrong, haha.
First of all relax. The more you worry about it, the less it is likely to happen.
Secondly, when you do decide to start having sex with your new boyfriend, just go with the flow & let your passion take over your mind & your body. You'll find that if you're fully relaxed & get completely carried away with your lovemaking, that things will start to happen.
Just remember that everyone is different and that what works for one person may not work for another. Also, like Gunther said, there's no harm in telling your boyfriend what you like.
it's absolutley normal not to be able to orgasm through penetration alone. Most women need clitoral stimulation to come.
lots of foreplay can help speed things along so you can both orgasm at around the same time. If you are struggling with someone there then this can also help relax you. You need to show your partner how you like it and what to do, so he can help you. The more you stress out about something like this, the less likley you are to be able to come, so try not to worry too much.
If your orgasm isn't a big deal ( and sometimes sex is about the journey, and not the climax) you need to say that - there's no shame in stopping if you have enjoyed yourself but know tonights not going to be a night to acheive orgasm. This happens to the best of us, and your partner should be understanding.
I think you need to explore yourself, and find your gspot, then you'll know where it is and be able to position yourself when you're having sex to achieve an internal orgasam.
Try with some toys, you don't generally get a tingling sensation, it's usually a nice feeling but I can't describe what it's like. Your gspot is inside you a couple of inches, and angled upwards. Once you find it, you'll find after a bit of stimulation you feel like you need to urinate, you don't, it's just the start of the orgasam so go with it.
It might be worth getting some toys to try and help you find it.
I read recently that 2/3rds can't orgasam though penetrative sex, but I also believe that with practice you can learn to do it by finding what feels good to you.
My wife doesn't always orgasm through penetration, we've learned to use other means of stimulation incl fingers, toys, my tongue, to be honest she had to show me how she likes it, and most times she uses her fingers to finish herself off whilst i have either a toy or my fingers inside her. I've learned to find her g-spot, to good effect.
If she doesn't orgasm, then she doesn't, i don't see it as a personal failing anymore and neither does she - women are different to men I think in that, blowing your load is all important physically.
My wife can orgasm through penetration, but it very much depends on mood and getting the right rhythm, and getting time - two teenagers hanging round all the time makes timing difficult.
I've found that a slow sensual massage with oil winds her up and up and the rest just looks after itself.
If your man is anything like a real man, he'll be utterly flattered you took the time to tell him what you want and how you want it.
Rome wasn't built in a day, but I'm sure you'll have fun trying...
You're not alone as every above says, I really struggle to reach orgasm, so for me it's a case of don't aim for one, and just experiment and see what happens :)
Like everyone else has already said you have absolutely nothing to worry about! There is nothing wrong with you, in fact, I'm exactly the same. I simply can't orgasm from penetration alone, whether it be toys or actual sex.
When I first started having sex (at 16) I knew about this great thing called an orgasm but never had one. I just thought it was because it was obviously too early and I just wasn't used to sex yet. (And my partner at the time didn't last very long, it always felt like I was almost there but it never happened.) In fact, I only experienced my first orgasm from sex about 6months ago (at 20)! I had recently met a guy and didn't have an orgasm the first time we had sex. So I told him that I've never come from sex alone before and he was determined to get me there and it did happen.
You mentioned that you can orgasm from clitoral stimulation so make sure you get into positions that enable you to stimulate your clit. Reverse cowgirl is a good one, doggy works well too. You could also use a bullet if you find fingers alone don't work.
I never considered being unable to orgasm from penetration alone a bad thing, until the guy who managed to get me there told me that it was weird that I needed both internal and external stimulation cos all of his exes needed one or the other, never both! But then he said he loved it cos it made it more of a challenge haha! So don't worry about guys getting frustrated or anything like that, chances are most of them will even rub your clit for you just to have the satisfaction of making you come!
And make sure you're warmed up so always start with plenty of foreplay! I find having a clitoral orgasm before penetration helps a lot so maybe start off with oral sex then go onto penetration whilst stimulating your clit and you should be fine! The main thing is - don't stress about it too much and don't expect it to happen, just focus on the feeling and I'm sure it will happen.
thanks everyone for your replies, its really really comforting and reassuring that im not the only one. i have tried having the guy use his fingers to stimulate my clit while we have intercourse and tried the cock rings that vibrate on the clit but none of them worked, i'll definitly be trying the other ideas and will talk to him first and explain to him about the problem.
@naughty nurse thanks for your suggestion iv taken advantage of the 3 for £25 offer and got some g spot stimulators which arrive in the morning!! cant wait hehe