Indulging in a spot of alfresco fun with an acquaintance I’d met online one summer. Both buck naked on a rug in a field in the countryside behind a big posh house. I’m on top when I hear a ‘thud, thud, thud’ noise from above. A helicopter. Hovering. Right above us.
She pipes up with “oh, not again…”
And then explains it’s probably the police and the property we’re behind just happens to belong to Camilla Parker-Bowles…
That’s a funny one!
@zombifiedguy Had an similar experience myself, Same girlfriend as the baby oil, her parents went shopping so we decided to have a quick one, somehow we persuaded ourselves that it would be a good idea if I did her from behind over the back of the sofa so if we was still at it when they got back we was ready to answer the door as they always locked it, they had no car and used a taxi, they usually knocked the door then went back to get the shopping from the taxi whilst we opened the door, we thought it was a great plan except we didn’t account for the one time we was going for it they decided to bring the shopping up to the house then her Mum looked through the window whilst her Dad knocked the door!! All we saw was one shocked and rather disgusted look on her Mums face whilst we panicked to pull our clothes up to answer the door! We never did find out if her Mum told her Dad but it took a while till me and her Mum could look each other in face!! Needless to say that plan was never used again!!
This was last year (before Covid f*cked up my social life). I had around 20 friends round for a small party (including my BF at the time) and we were drinking. As we got later into the night him and I decided to head upstairs for some alone time. Halfway through we heard people coming up the stairs but just assumed they were looking for a bathroom or something so continued. We were doing Doggy on the bed facing the door at this point when we hear the door slam open, around 6 of mine and my bf’s friends bursted in with one of them shouting “what are you doing in my swamp!!” after they realised what we were doing (they thought we were just making out) they all ran out laughing leaving myself mortified. My bf kind of laughed it off but I was super embarrassed (luckily we were half dressed so they couldn’t see anything).
Looking back on this I now just find it funny, especially with the choice of words of the Shrek reference 
This is brilliant.
Ours was a few years ago when we ordered two tubs of lube , one ordinary and one was a numbing lube for anal sex.
Night wss hot and was getting into things , my partner grabbed the lube and smothered himself it in. And of course being in a tub and not a tube he used way more than he should.
After a few short seconds he was out of the bed like a shot & flew out the bedroom. I thought someone had broke in. He came running back in screaming for help . I begun to panic. I could hear the water gushing out from the bathroom and thought we had a leak. Turns out he was running his cock under the cold water to try and get rid of the lube . " its burning" he screaming…Well I laughed and laughed and laughed!! I then got told off for laughing and was told to help… well I obviously laughed more. To which point he told me he was going to have to go to A&E as he thought his willy was melting away!
I was honestly crying with laughter!
thats hillarious
Occasionally when we finish after some intense orgasms and we’re lying there completely wiped out my wife will say something like “Rubbish!” (from Morecambe and Wise) or " Wooh Eee Muskrat" (from Rocky and Bulwinkle). That usually makes us giggle.
@Yes_man
OMG… The woman seeing her daughter getting pounded from behind , with her tits swinging about… I can only imagine the look on her face…bet she NEVER looked in a window again.
@zombifiedguy
This reminded me of a time with a girlfriend before my OH… In my room under duvet, naked from waist down. My mum comes to room with a tray of tea and cakes and put it on bedside unit…she then stood and chatted for a minute…if I had a hard on before she came in to the room it soon deflated… try reaching for a cup of tea and keep a duvet in place… my girl friend was in fits when my mum left the room.
Her mum would have been using optrex trying to wash the image out of her eyes.
My OH and my self were having sex on the sofa in my mothers house I was still living there at the time I was 18 and she was 19. We were both completely naked and going at it hard when we heard the front door open I pulled a throw over us that was on the sofa but didn’t have time to take it out, we both pretend to be asleep but then we heard the voices, my mother, my brother, his girlfriend, 2 of my aunts and my mothers friend. She had invited them back to the house after the pub. We were both sweating profusely and were so uncomfortable for almost an hour. To this day I’m still not sure if they knew what we were doing
I was my birthday and we went to the pub had a couple drinks, we started to talking dirty, we decided to go home (about 5 minutes walk) but it was just getting dirtier and dirtier, we couldn’t contain ourselves and found a quiet place in the park 
it was amazing and it started to rain while we were having sex, which made it even more sexier, but just when we finished we see people walking with torches. I don’t know how much they saw but as we were walking we see another couple appear from no were so I’m guessing they got caught too
With my now wife when we were on our first holiday (as bf and gf) in Fuertaventura.
Valentines dayshe decides to go back to the room to “get ready” and for me to come back in half an hour.
Came back to her on the table wearing nothing but stockings and her heels. We were at it for ages and just as I came hard we realised I hadn’t locked the room door and the cleaner walked in just as I climaxed 
We laughed, eventually, and the maid never looled at us with a straight face again.
Love it.
I’ve had a few funny sex moments -
One was a passionate fall onto the bed and the bed literally broke from under us.
Another was abroad we went for it over a wooden futon sofa and my husband put his foot up to get a better grip of me and put his foot straight through the wood work of the sofa.
And another would be doing it in a tent and then the camp bed collapsing on us and sudden laughter from outside of the tent… we didn’t realize people were about!
A few years ago I had a partner who liked to try and make “erotic” facial expressions during sex.
One of these expressions was where she bit her bottom lip and looked at me with seductive eyes. I’m a big fan of the TV series Benidorm and unfortunately when she did said expression it looked to me exactly like a facial expression Kenneth in the show did! It didn’t have quite the effect she was going for and I always found it very amusing. Obviously I couldn’t say anything about it!
