Your funniest sexual moment?

A follow on to some of the other sexual moments threads it reminded me on my funniest sexual moment.
Was a young 18 year old with an ex-girlfriend, it was the early 90’s, sex was good then but wasn’t what it is now, Unless you went in dodgy sex shops lingerie and those rock hard dildo’s out of the back of those funny magazines more or less all you could get and was adventurous!
We thought we’d spice things up by using baby oil, we waited for her parents to go out and excitedly we absolutely covered ourselves from head to toe! Used a whole bottle! She looked awesome and as you can imagine the sex was so much fun.
We thought it was a great idea but then came the moment we found out baby oil wasn’t soluble in water! We was covered in the stuff, the bed was cover! Her room was covered, even the window sill was covered! Literally everything we touched was covered and we was struggling to clean it up!
We showered and the water just ran of like we’d been waterproofed!! Our hair was stuck together and despite how much shampoo we used we just couldn’t get it out of our skin or out our hair.
We had to give up after doing our best to clean her bedroom, we was still shiny and slippery but we had to get dressed which felt weird as it felt like you’d got another layer on under our clothes and hope and pray!
Her parents never said anything but was suspicious as we had done a load of washing without being asked! God knows what they though we’d got on her bed sheets!!:grin::grin::grin:

10 Likes

Priceless! You’ve set the bar pretty high there, @Yes_man :rofl:

3 Likes

I’m laughing too much to post anything of my own! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I can only imagine how revolting it must felt putting clothes on over the top of that!

4 Likes

@wildflower must admit it wasn’t funny at the time but it was always hilarious when we looked back at it! The clothes thing was the weirdest feeling ever! I can still remember it 30 years later! And even the sex despite being good was funny at times!! Like wrestling a eel on heat!!:rofl::rofl::rofl:

6 Likes

That’s too funny! Think you’d do it again in a more controlled session now you’re older? :thinking:

3 Likes

We actually did something similar at my girlfriend’s parents house when they were away, but we added it to a bath we shared. Not as messy, but very slinky! The only thing was we didn’t think to clean the bath afterwards, so it was very slippy. I’m sure her mom knew what we’d done!

Also, their landing curtains were quite stiff to draw so I took it upon myself to use furniture polish on the rail.
When her mom next shut the curtains she unknowingly used the usual force to draw them and nearly fell down the stairs as they flew shut with ease!

7 Likes

Omg couldn’t stop laughing :joy:

3 Likes

@AFudge Forgot to add it was with a previous girlfriend but if I did try with the Misses I’d make sure anything we used was water soluble or dissolved in to our skin quickly!!:grin::grin::grin:

4 Likes

Years ago when myself and my OH were dating we had to confine sexual activities to the outdoors as we were still both living at home with our respective parents. One night we parked up in a quiet country lane on the grass verge close to a field gate . It was October and had been raining a lot the previous few days but the ground didn’t look too muddy.

Anyway, to cut a long story short a throughly enjoyable time was had on the backseat but when we went to drive off we realised all the shall we say 'movement ’ of the car had caused it to sink into the soft grassy mud. Thinking it only needed a bit of a shove I got out while he stayed at the wheel because he had only just recovered from a broken ankle. It was useless, the car was going nowhere and I was getting covered in mud and moaning about my new boots getting ruined so he had no choice but to get out and assist. By then it was raining hard and it was very muddy. We thought the solution to that would be for us to take our boots off and roll up our jeans thinking it’d be easier to clean off skin rather than clothing or boots.

As we both gave one big shove the car suddenly shot forwards right in to closed gate of the field, smashing one of the lights and leaving us on our hands and knees in the mud!

It was only then that we stupidly realised that we had nothing to clean up with , we tried to get the worst off using our own socks and we had to drive back sitting on some old carrier bags we found in the boot, stopping off near a park where there was a toilet block . It’s no joke trying to wash that kind of mess off in a public toilet washbasin and there was only a roller towel fixed on the wall to dry off with …not much good for drying feet unless you’re a contortionist! My god we looked like we’d been mud wrestling!

The journey home wasn’t much fun , with him banging on about his broken light and me just sitting there in an angry silence!

Obviously we laugh about it now! :laughing: :laughing:

9 Likes

Brilliant! Isn’t it good that years later we find it funny, but at the time it’s the end of the world!

2 Likes

When our cats were kittens, one of them had already bonded tightly with me and would always curl up on me in bed. My OH and I were enjoying a rather intense session with me on all fours.

Dax hopped onto the bed and immediately curled up in the “cave” I had made and started purring like mad. We had to stop because we were laughing so hard. After that we always remembered to shut the door first!

4 Likes

I just remembered, recently on my birthday trip away we had decided to leave the suitcase while we had a last look around.

My vibrator switched itself on as we were in the queue. @afrodan could feel it buzzing and whispered to me, I couldnt believe it had happened then, was so funny! . We had to quickly retrieve it in the middle of reception :joy::joy:

7 Likes

Sex while tripping on acid. :rofl: She looked like a Monty Python cartoon. :rofl:

1 Like

Your story reminded me of a time my wife and I ( girlfriend then) were in the middle of a hot session on my bed. I suddenly felt something wet touch my balls area. I thought , what did she just do? And how did she do it.? Happened again. !! Its not unpleasant but just unexpected.
At that moment I looked over my shoulder and realised to my horror , our family pet Doberman was kind of doing what inquisitive dogs do.
The shreek my wife let out caused things to flag a bit , till we got going again.
Dog ejected and locked out of the room.
Still makes us laugh.:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

6 Likes