Hey @RockinDadBod - welcome to the forum!
It definitely can require some work on our end (as men) to go dominant if we’ve spent years trying to be courteous, respectful, pursue our partner’s pleasure first so as to not be thought of as selfish, or even to be selfless lovers. So flipping the switch when assertive and dominant behavior is what is desired, and even required, to server our partner’s needs can create cognitive dissonance. Like, my favorite thing to do is go down on my wife but when she wants to be dominated that’s the last thing that SHE wants.
Great advice here all around. Using some of the questionnaires or inventory tools to get a sense of what you might add to your routine could be fun for you to push the conversations and explore what’s desired, as well as shopping together for toys and accessories.
It’s a whole other exercise in getting out of your comfort zone, but roleplay can help set your mind in a more dominant character mind if you have the space and get into that.
It’s more a dirty talk tip than explicitly dominance, but narrating what you’re doing is a great way to get more comfortable, too. “I’m going to __ your __,” “I love to __,” “It feels so good when you __.” It’s a step toward dominance, but instead of if you would normally say “will you go down on me?” but “suck my cock” is a step too far, you can say “I want you to go down on me.” As you get more comfortable and adventurous, that also creates a safe margin to explore and the option to safeword out if necessary.
You said you’re not sure if you want to go full BDSM, but remember that BDSM is actually six different components: Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. And you can totally pick and choose which parts of those work for your play as a couple. For us, we love bondage and the power dynamics play, but discipline and S&M are kinda “meh” for now. So maybe those are things you want to explore. Lovehoney has some great BDSM kits for dabbling without a huge expense, or under-the-bed restraints are super versatile and definitely highly recommended starting point for playing with bondage.
Okay - that’s a lot of rambling, but hopefully there’s something useful for you. Keep your communication open, and especially if you have space outside the bedroom for these conversations so it doesn’t feel like pressure to perform on it immediately. I have often found it helpful even to broach new ground in writing - emailing a link to an item in the store or, “hey, I was reading this article about XYZ and wondered what you think about it?” There’s always a chance you don’t get a response or it never comes up later, but even in long term relationships you sometimes want a low stakes entry point for that discourse.