hi, i was just wondering if anyone could give me a bit of advice or even your opinion please.
im 22 (23 in 3 weeks) and my fella is 39. we have been together 3 years and have 2 children. im really self cosntus (sp?) and even though we have an active sex life i sometimes feel like i dont know what to do, its not that i dont know what to do because i do and on drunken nights when feeling good about my self have no problem getting stuck right in. but when i have not had a drink its like i cant do the things i do when i have had drink. i dont have the confidence iykwim. also since having my 2 sons i feel very self awear of my self and so then hold back, like i am way to scared to go on top cuz that means he can see me.
so i was wondering if anyone has any tips that will make me feels less awear of my self and more confident,
What is it you are self-conscious about? Is it your body after 2 pregnancies? I'm sure at 39 your partner isn't still a Greek god either - it's you he will love, not your body. But if you feel you need to get back into shape, there is plenty you can do, even with your wee ones. You don't say how old your kids are but I am assuming (wrongly) that at least one of them is still a baby/ toddler, and that will make you tired. Take it easy - you are beautiful and sexy - we all are!
Reading is good - fiction, manuals (I hate that term) and guides, plus the Internet and on here of course. Talking is also good - get a catalogue from here if you haven't already or look online and invite your partner to look with you. Nothing gets you going like some talking. And talk to yourself - remind yourself that you are gorgeous - pamper yourself, dress well, put on a bit of slap or scent if that helps
One step at at time - no-one expects you to turn into a sex-goddes overnight - but you'll soon find that hanging around here will give you confidence to try new things and rediscover old things. Best of luck and see you around X
my oldest son is 14months and my youngest will be 4weeks on monday. so very much got a baby body atm. when we got together i was a size 12 and now im a size 16 and feel like a very different person and not sexy at all. i think that i dont like what i see in the mirror so sure he dont like it any more....... anyway thats another issue lol. but dont really like him seeing me theses day because of that.
with the sex thing, we used to watch erotic films together and we have used toys before too and like i said we have always had a very active sex life. but my mainproblem is i dont feel confident "doing things" like im probably doing it wrong or something so think i just wont do it iykwim. then i think he must get frustrated by this as he knows i know what im doing as like i said when iv had a drink theres no stopping but i just dont feel confident when not had a drink, its like i become somebody else in bed when been drinking. i feel really stupid saying that as with my ex i never had a problem at all soba or drunk and with a pre preg body.
maybe it is all due to not being happy with my body and sometimes i feel like because he is older (16yrs) he is more experienced, having said that from talks we have had im the one with a colourful background lol
If you don't like your body (and it will be you, not him), have you thought of wearing something nice and loose but sensual that gives you some cover ? have a loko at some of the stuff on LH for inspiration.
As for "doing it wrong", practice makes perfect LOL. Don't be afraid to ask him "Is that OK? Does that feel alright?". Books are OK but nothing beats practical! Get him to show you, and vice versa.
Look for other ways to relax - have a nice bath (together?) or a massage - that will help you with body confidence. Take up offers of babysitting so you can have the time.
And, by the way, I am a size 18 with gallbladder surgery scars and stretch marks, so I know what I'm on about!
thanks for that, a bit of massage usually gets things going but i still hold back a bit, any way im gonna try and make more of an effort at the same time as trying to relax, wearing something sounds like a good idea too so will have a look through some things, see what i like or more to the point what he will like too lol, and your so right practice is the way to go :-)
Your OH loves you a lot ,he enjoys you being on top that means he wants to see you!
You are the mum of his kids and he loves you all the more for that, anything not quite in the position it once was, a bit bigger,smaller, higher or lower is a badge of honour!.
If you want to cover up a bit in bed, do as I do and wear some skimpy nightwear, a baby doll, a corset, some stockings and a basque.
If you don't want to go on top there are other positions, doggie style he would go crazy for!
Give yourself some quality time when possible. I have and am there, One of my little ones is still in terrible toddler stage, he wakes us up in the night, comes in early in the morning ,hey sex can be difficult with toddlers around! If you can maybe take them to gran, aunty ,uncle if you are lucky enough to have them near , give you and your man the chance to rebond without the rugrats interupting or you having them in the back of your mind.
i was gonna buy that game for us at xmas but then didnt, maybe i will now lol.
as for the postions, dogy is my fave and i know he likes it too and we do loads of others too its just the going on top i really cant bring my self to do these days, and although ashamed to say the last time i was on top was bceause i was buzzin my tits off and didnt really care where i was as long as was having sex lol. he brought me a sexy nightie thing and i got some sexy stockings but i only wore them once before nothing fit due to being preg, i know having kids is fantastic and id never change that iv had them but they have totally distroyed my body and even though i know i can work hard and sort it out atm i feel like that will never happen. my mate says im being to hard on myself as my youngest is not even 4 weeks old yet but i feel like the sooner i start to do something the sooner ill see a difference, and feel a=better about me and feel more sexy again iykwim
Oh well everyone here so far has given really good advice! I hope you feel better soon, its a vunerable time so soon after having a baby so work your way back to how you used to be with your partner as slowly as you need to! I don't think you can do anything majorly wrong anyway especially since you've already managed to conceive two children having sex. That's really what it's for so you got that right! 4 weeks isnt a very long time and all those hormones flying about and probably lack of sleep doesn't help. Just bear in mind that you will start to feel more like your old self again soon. I bet to your partner your the most beautiful woman in the world because you're his children's mother!
Also what bothers you about being on top? Is it being on show? if show buy a nice nightie or a baby doll or even just a nice vest top to help you feel more confident! Just don't rush... you'll feel better soon!! x
A last follow up from me: Firstly your little one is only 4 weeks old ,well I didn't let my man near me for 6 weeks so 4weeks is nothing. You probably will fit into those sexy clothes again but if not that's because your body has changed so buy some more, or get your man involved ,do a bit of real or online shopping that will turn him on if you do it together.
I don't have too much experience in this because well, I'm 19 and have no children. My cousin however is 19, and 6 months pregnant with her second child, her son is only now coming up to 12 months in 2 weeks time, and she used to be a size 8, she's now a size 18, yet she's very comfortable wearing...very little, anywhere. Heh.
And if you only had a baby 4 weeks ago, you can't expect to just suddenly spring back to the size you were, but you could always buy some lingerie that covers the areas you don't like. For example a basque or a babydoll. If you're particularly uncomfortable with your shape, all I can suggest really is to exercise to tone a bit, go shopping for clothes that make you feel sexy. But yeah, I really can't offer much more advice than that as I lack the experience, sorry. :(
i was under no impression id be back in shape by now and defo not as i had 2 babies within a yr of each other, but that dont stop ya feel shit about it though.
iv been looking at some baby dolls and other stuff which i know OH will like. think he would like a suprise rather than an invite to go shopping lol.
what is funny though is he dont seem bothered about my body, its like everything is exactly the same as when we first got together, its like he has not noticed im a couple of dress sizes bigger or that i wobble where i never used to wobble. and he is always telling me im sexy and can not keep his hands to himself which i guess is a good thing lol so it really is just me and how i feel about my new wobbly bits and i hate them, i think they are ugly. so im thinking ill stay covered up (well sort of) till im happier.
i was under no impression id be back in shape by now and defo not as i had 2 babies within a yr of each other, but that dont stop ya feel shit about it though.
iv been looking at some baby dolls and other stuff External Media which i know OH will like. think he would like a suprise rather than an invite to go shopping lol.
what is funny though is he dont seem bothered about my body, its like everything is exactly the same as when we first got together, its like he has not noticed im a couple of dress sizes bigger or that i wobble where i never used to wobble. and he is always telling me im sexy and can not keep his hands to himself which i guess is a good thing lol so it really is just me and how i feel about my new wobbly bits External Media and i hate them, i think they are ugly. so im thinking ill stay covered up (well sort of) till im happier.
There's no harm in that, I mean, you only just gave birth like a month ago. Like I said, not much experience with pregnancy and all that, but as long as your OH can't keep his hands to himself, I'd say you're looking pretty hot. But the most important thing is that you find a way to feel comfortable, and once you do, you can forget feeling self conscious and just go for it. Heh.
