Hey guys
A fantasy of mine is to have an affair. It is purely a fantasy and nothing more. Is this an unusual thing or are there others like me?
If anyone has ever taken the fantasy of one into a reality, was it worth it?
I cannot condone affairs if being honest. Sure temptations are always going to be ever present but so far I have kept a lid firmly shut.
Having an affair is just not worth it ,as they always get found out and the consequences are that it is likely to destabilise or destroy a marriage .
Just my opinion.
mysteron wrote:
Having an affair is just not worth it ,as they always get found out and the consequences are that it is likely to destabilise or destroy a marriage .
+1
I get the fantasy, but personally I could never condone it being anything but that.
I fantasise about many things , an affair being one of them but I'd never do it for real . As mysteron says ,the temptations are there but you've got to exercise some sort of self control .
Unfortunately I've seen from friends and family the devastation affairs cause .
I'm glad I'm not the only one to fantasise about it though ...I thought maybe I was alone on this :)
mysteron wrote:
I cannot condone affairs if being honest. Sure temptations are always going to be ever present but so far I have kept a lid firmly shut.
Having an affair is just not worth it ,as they always get found out and the consequences are that it is likely to destabilise or destroy a marriage .
Just my opinion.
Seasidecouple wrote:
Hey guys
A fantasy of mine is to have an affair. It is purely a fantasy and nothing more. Is this an unusual thing or are there others like me?
If anyone has ever taken the fantasy of one into a reality, was it worth it?
I thought I would elaborate a little bit as it was quite late from my original post and its one of those subjects that hasn't been looked at before, certainly for some time anyway .
My Mrs decribes me as a "looker" . Short of putting an Avi picture of which I won't do for business reasons , she describes me as an older version of Steve Jones the presenter , as I have the same physique now , not as tall and I have a 6 day beared instead of 3 day beard . Obviously with being older in my early 50s , although I look in my 40s , my hair has a touch of grey in places but is otherwise complete . I always dress fairly smartly these days with figure hugging tops as I have earned the right to wear such things with working out every other day. I am also very slim now.My confidence is also very good but I still have a deep rooted shyness that makes me nervous sometimes when being watched by others. So that's me .
So when we go out on usually Saturday night , I tend to get its fair to say a number of admirers and often some of them will trigger a conversation going usually at the bar . I am guessing that these tend to be singles as they are normally within a group of girls or unattached within a mixed group . One thing I have noticed from my dating days is that women arn't afraid and will trigger a chat up conversation rather than just leaving it to the guy to start one .I usually manage the dialogue by saying a spoiler line being something like " I need to get this drinks back otherwise the Mrs will send out a search party " This usually kills the conversation but suble enough to send the message that I am taken and not available . So as I said before in my original. post temptations are gong to be there but I do keep a firm lid on them .
On top of the above there is the other category where the fantasy element that comes in. These are women who have come out with their partner and just start eying me up,and watching every move I make . The possibley do this to others as well . These are the types that really annoy my Mrs and perhaps really pose of a less of a threat as no dialouge tends to ensue .The exception s sometimes when I bump into the say coming back from the bar or from the "powder room" , when a passing "Hi or Hello" ,or smile happens. Obviously they have no intention of leaving their partner but appear to enjoy playing a game of cat and mouse with body language and eye contact .These are the types that make me more nervous . So I am guessing that they are fantasising as mentioned by the others and probably mentally undress me as I have done with a couple of them . I am a warm blooded male after all ! But thats were it gets left just as a fantasy.
So those are my thoughts and add a little grey to the black and white answer from my original post.
How do you manage to get out the door without being mobbed Mysteron? You should take up modelling. Quite good money involved especially in the mature gent market.
Affairs shouldn't even enter the realms of fantasy. Affairs usually happen when there are relationship problems. Either sort the problems or end the relationship.
Stuburns wrote:
How do you manage to get out the door without being mobbed Mysteron? You should take up modelling. Quite good money involved especially in the mature gent market.
Affairs shouldn't even enter the realms of fantasy. Affairs usually happen when there are relationship problems. Either sort the problems or end the relationship.
Funny you should say that . We were stopped in a street in Manchester about 3 weeks ago about getting a photo portfolio done . We wern't sure if she was just touting for her own business or not. I have been out with a model and I just don't like the lifestyle and the upeaval it causes. I am more than happy in my curent job and can take retirement any time from next year onwards .
I agree with your opinion to a certain degree. Then, I think of the hunter gatherer instinct and perhaps the ability to have many wives as some tiribal traditions like that still survive in certain parts of the world. I still think you can admire a person , its when you go accross that line , the trouble then starts and then you do question your own existing relationship. This is something I have mentioned in my orginal post that affairs do destablise and can wreck a solid marriage. Something I would never do nor promote . Something I have always done is to keep loyal hence my 26 year old relationship. On the plus side it does keep my Mrs on her toes ! 
Seasidecouple wrote:
Hey guys
A fantasy of mine is to have an affair. It is purely a fantasy and nothing more. Is this an unusual thing or are there others like me?
If anyone has ever taken the fantasy of one into a reality, was it worth it?
Its a thought that comes to mind now and again, but remains as that. I wouldnt ever go for it.
I wouldn't dream of an affair. I love my husband too much. Of course there are days when you see an attractive person and you wonder what they would be like in the bedroom but its only ever a passing thought.
For me an affair would be another relationship that would drain love and affection from the marriage.
I read something many years ago that said "if you are involved with 2 people and bees to choose between them, always choose the second. You never truly loved the first if you needed the second'.
if i was thinking of having an affair id also be asking myself how much does he/she really mean to me. i just couldnt do it to the person i love so much. Maybe strange but i dont get turnt on at all by anyone elses bits. we have a great sex life so thats maybe why. I suppose we all want something we cant have.
A lot of people have fantasies about things that are "wrong" or taboo. It depends what the turn on is for you. If it is the naughtiness of it or the thrilll of sneaking around, then as a fantasy, I don't see much of an issue. However, if it is to fill a hole your OH isn't (no pun intended) then that's not a good thing.
In terms of acting on it, bad move if you value your relationship. There are ways you can bring the fantasy to life with your partner (both dress up completely different to how you normally would, meet up in a place you would never normally go, act like strangers and maybe even have a hotel room nearby to go to) but do be careful how you bring that up with your partner, just because it is something you've been thinking about a lot, it will be the first time they've heard it.
Just wondering how many of us if being totally truthful are thinking of having an affair for whatever the reason.
Sometimes I do miss that excitement of the Chase when you are attracted to someone .And no I am not after an affair but I can understand sometimes why people will go to lengths to have one and as one says it takes 2 to tango.
mysteron wrote:
Just wondering how many of us if being totally truthful are thinking of having an affair for whatever the reason.
Sometimes I do miss that excitement of the Chase when you are attracted to someone .And no I am not after an affair but I can understand sometimes why people will go to lengths to have one and as one says it takes 2 to tango.
Before I might get bombarded its purely from statistical point of view .Research has shown 65% of men and 45% of women will think of having an affair at some point that equates to 1 in every 2.7 couples .That is quite a lot ! Source The Independant
Mysteron - I agree with you that it's the thrill of the chase . I miss that feeling of flirting ,giving each other knowing looks ,that first touch , first kiss and the feeling of your heart thudding so hard in your chest as you look in their eyes ....the excitement of it all .
For most people that level of thrill dies down a bit when they've been together a long time .
I'm not saying I'd rush out and have an affair but I can see why so many people actually have these thoughts.
At least fantasising is safe way of doing it .
wildflower wrote:
Mysteron - I agree with you that it's the thrill of the chase . I miss that feeling of flirting ,giving each other knowing looks ,that first touch , first kiss and the feeling of your heart thudding so hard in your chest as you look in their eyes ....the excitement of it all .
For most people that level of thrill dies down a bit when they've been together a long time .
I'm not saying I'd rush out and have an affair but I can see why so many people actually have these thoughts.
At least fantasising is safe way of doing it .
I agree fantasies as long as they stay as that don't do any harm IMHO .
This is something that should stay as a fantasy as far as I am concerned.
Speaking as someone who's OH who had a one night stand with someone behind my back (we are still together and trying to work past it), the devastation this causes cannot be imagined.
It eats away at your soul.
A one off mistake is one thing but I but to conciously choose persue someone is never going to end well.
I personally have never even thought about an affair. I love my husband with everything that I am and he's more than enought for me. I would never do anything to hurt him. xx
I think as couples on here ,that we may be exceptions. Because in theory our sex lives are lets say above the average because on the emrichment of sex due to toys, implements and ideas etc ,this itself reinforces the bonding between couples.Therefore the need to stray is minimised .Just my thory and opinion.
I know some of you may be thinking ,why am I looking deeper into this subject .Well it's because I do have a qualification in psychology and me and the Mrs do watch the chemistry when we go out between differnt couples. So it is an interest and hence I some times get involved in the problems of relationships when they occur on here .
Affairs are just wrong and someone always gets hurt, if it's sex you want then try swingers clubs together lol
I guess maybe think about this from your partner's perspective - how would she react to finding out about the affair? (And she will eventually find out, there's no hiding these things forever) Relationships aren't about pleasing yourself, a lot of it is learning how to genuinely love this other person in your life. If you want a more open relationship, I'd speak to her and gauge her interest. But I wouldn't pursue something I knew would hurt my partner, or that I wouldn't want done to myself :) Short-term pleasure just isn't worth the long-term regret.