Wow - I'm actually truly surprised to find that there are straight guys who would regard their bums being played with as an issue because it's "gay". That would never have crossed my mind (somewhat reinforced by the fact that the gay guys I've known didn't do anal!).
Anyhoo, me and the other half aren't interested in anal at all, either for her, or for me. She doesn't like her bottom hole even being touched. It might be a taboo, it might be a bad experience, it might be... well, I don't really care because I don't have any urge to do it to her. I do have experience of anal with a previous GF, and yes, I know it can be enjoyable, but only if both want it. But I have no desire to do anything if it doesn't turn the OH on.
Sticking with Boy on Girl anal for a moment, my experience is that some girls I want to do it to, and some girls I don't, I just don't have the urge or even get any pleasure out of fantasising about doing it. And, it turns out, the ones I wanted to do it to got a big kick out of it - it's one of their favourite things. But the ones I don't have any desire to, eg my OH, it usually turns out they don't want anything going near it!
Same with watching porn for me, some (very few) girls I'm dying to see them do anal, but most, if it happens, I'm turned off and stop watching. In general, the idea of anal doesn't turn me on. BUT, and we talked a lot about it the other day, if my OH ever gets curious or aroused about the idea (her bottom), then give a shout, I'll join in, I'm open to the idea if it turns her on.
Now, anal and me... The girl I did anal with years ago, REALLY wanted to do it to me. I was up for it, I'll give anything a go. But it really didn't do anything for me at all. It was uncomfortable, distracting and killed erections. She found the same as me, if something doesn't turn the recipient on, it loses the attraction (and we found plenty of other ways for her to "be in control" for a bit). She was still slightly fixated with the idea, though, and I got the impression that she thought I "ought" to learn how to find something arousing about it... I kinda feel that attitude is wrong about any stuff in a relationship. If you try something, and it doesn't turn you on, it doesn't turn you on. I was quite happy for her to continue playing with my bottom if she wanted, but that didn't seem to be enough.
I am intrigued by anal and me - and now we've found toys, it's quite likely I'll experiment on my own again (that poor girl from 20 years ago... wouldn't it be terrible if I got into it now! LOL). But I have done this, on my own, ever since I can remember (mid 1970s at least), and it's never heightened anything for me.
But the idea that some guys think it's "gay" - I'm sorry, I just don't get how they could think that, maybe I've been a bit naive... Although, incidentally, I would defend their right to feel like that, if it's how they feel. However, if I ever do meet someone who expresses that idea to, I'd love to help them understand that some people like their bottoms played with, some don't, and both types are ok.