Anal Sex for beginners, any advice?

Hi, my hubby and I have discussed and have tried anal sex. But I just can't seem to relax because each time he enters my anus, I get a burning feeling (just inside the opening) that is really uncomfortable, last time we tried it, the burning sensation was so horrible it made me feel ill, so we stopped. We use KY Jelly as a lube. I was thinking of getting a lube with anesthetic, but read that's not a good idea. If I could get over that burning sensation, then I'd be OK.

Can anyone offer some advice? Thanks.

i there i think the best way forward is to start real slow. maybe start with a small toy or finger and plently of lube, then gradually build your self up to larger dildos and plugs until you feel comfortable( this may take a few weeks or as long as it takes). You need to relax and get used to the feeling and remeber if it hurts stop. i enjoy anal and it does not hurts one bit. stay clear of any numbing lubes as pain is a sign that something is wrong. it could be a could idea for u to push back onto your partner instead of him pushing into u, this way your taking the length when your ready. hope this helps

I love anal sex but it has taken a while to get used to it and to enjoy. If you are an anal sex beginner, I recommend playing on your own first just with your finger (start off with your little finger first) and lots of lube. Get used to the sensations and relax, with lots of deep breathing and don't get upset or flustered if it's not happening try a little more each time. You will then relax when with your partner because you know it's not going to hurt when it's done right then you can show and guide your partner (which he'll probably love too). To start with my partner always asked if he could play with my anus as it put me in control of the situation and made me relax. The first few times it was only a finger or thumb and then he would wiggle it around stretching a little each time so i got used to the feelings and then we tried a thin vibrator that was completely smooth (another thing avoid sharp nails when playing the last thing you want is to be cut in anyway). Eventually we got to him penetrating me and i've never looked back, but it did take time but was well worth it. There's a syringe type device that's available for inserting lube into the anus which is great and I highly recommend it, don't forget to get your partner to 'do the honours'. There is nothing worse than not enough lube. And no, don't use a lube with anaesthetic I use aqualube and have had no problems at all. Well I'll stop rambling now, I hope this helps :o)

Hi, thanks to you both for taking the time to reply and offer some advice. It is much appreciated.

One other tip, have fun! Don't take it too seriously, have a laugh and work your way up to it. You'll never look back, good luck!

Yes I would second the advice to stay away from numbing lubes: anal sex should not hurt: if it does, you need to stop and work up gradually.

KY Jelly may not be the best lube: it was formulated for medical examinations, so it's fine for inserting instruments, but it's not sex fomulated, therefore unsuitable for the cut and thrust of penetrative sex; it gets sticky and dries up too soon.

My fave is Maximus, which is nice and thick (you don't want anything too runny for anal, such as Liquid Silk) and therefore provides a good cushioning effect for delicate tissues, and greatly reduces friction, which can make you sore.


Some people also find silicone-based lubes provide better slide and glide: just don't use it with silicone toys, as it causes a weird reaction.

I'd also recommend lots of gentle stimulation of the whole anal area before taking the penetrative plunge!

Possibly consider using a vibrator, (with lube!) just obviously make sure you have one that's designed for that purpose, so make sure it either has a nice long handle or a flared base so it won't get lost if you do use it penetratively!

Good luck!

When i was an Anal Virgin i was so scared of getting a BIG guy. But i praticed with certain things. I tried a freeze type spray that dod work but the sexual feeling was to much lessoned. I had my first HUGE! guy. lol last week. Thank god he was experienced. I used a normal silicone lube and he slipped in. Not easily but eventually. I have never had sex like it !! lol The secret is to practice with dildos and relax,

Hi all, thanks for all your advice which was really helpful, we were able to have anal sex for the first time last night. I had got a Smoothy Anal Prober which I used to help me relax and used plenty of lube, we then went for the plunge. ;) Thanks again.

Wahey! Glad you had fun :D

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i need some help if anybody has more advice. i have read alot of these articles, and I have tried several times to have anal sex with my boyfriend and nothing is working. I is a little big, everyone keeps saying its not suppose to hurt, how can it now hurt? It does. we try to get into it, use lube, play around and he can't even get the head in without it hurting? Is there any product out there that can numb the area so I won't feel it!!??

Firstly, it's gotta be your idea or you just won't be into it I think. I find it helps if you lie on your side in a spoons position. That way you're relaxed and comfortable and you can be in charge. I suggest starting by just pressing him up against you (with you in charge guiding him with your hand) and sliding between your cheeks. If you do this for a while, it can help to relax you and you can try and push him a bit harder against you and see if you can get a little of the head in. It's also best if you agree beforehand that you're not going to try and put him inside you - that way there's definitely no pressure or expectation. When you're busy, if it hurts even a tiny bit, stop moving immediately, but leave him where he is. I find that it helps if he kisses my neck or strokes me, which relaxes me and the position that hurt a couple of seconds before doesn't hurt any more. And when they say slowly, they mean about 1mm every 10 minutes! Doing things this way, I actually finally managed to get the whole of him inside and even quite enjoyed it!

thanks for the advice, I will try that. I do try it on my side, that seemed to be the only way for me to be somewhat relaxed. I will try this you know of any products that may help numb the area as well?? thanks!

my girlfriend finds that drinking half a bottle of vodka numbs her just fine lol

I used to be fine at anal, then met my man & he's rather large. We havent done it for ages & ages now & whenever he tries its excruciating. Am thinking its because im 'out of practice' & maybe need some slow stretching exercises to get used to it again. Does this seem plausible-that ive kinda 'shrunk back again'?

You've just got to be very patient and if you can't do it one time, just try again another time.

Lots of lube, make sure you're unbeilievebly horny and relaxed (and alcohol does help!). I usually found that on my side with my top leg bent worked best. And so long as my bum is caressed and fingers put up during play time I'm usually fine. Also playing with my clit and fingering myslef also kept me occupied if it did hurt a bit at first.

I know there are desensitizing lubes but never tried them.

Care, patience, lots of lube (you can never have enough) and taking your time, working up to penetration. The side position has worked best for initial entry with most of the partners I've had.

That is splendid news, Dixie.

I would reiterate the above advice, Italiangirl: do not numb the area. Pain is a sign that something is not right, and you should not mask this.

I think if you get your partner to hold still when you feel discomfort rather than withdrawing may insist. If he holds still for ten or twenty seconds, you may find it is ok to proceed. Bearing down with your muscles will help too.

Some people swear by 'poppers' (iso-butyl nitrate) as they help relax the muscles temporarily, although go easy with them, as they can make you feel a bit light-headed.

^may ASSIST, I meant. (duh).

Has anyone found that using poppers (aromas / room odourisers) helps?