Anyone know any good jokes?

Google does šŸ˜‚

Good ones? No not really but I know plenty of bad jokes and dad jokes

Told this one to my daughter not so long ago and I just got "the look"

how do you get 4 elephants in a red mini? 2 in the front and 2 in the back

how do you know there's an elephant in the fridge? Foot prints in the butter

How do yountheres 2 elephants inthe fridge? You can hear them talking

how do you know there's 3 elephants in the fridge? You can't shut the door

how do you know there's 4 elephants inthe fridge? There's a red mini on your driveway

why are elephants large, grey and hairy?

because if they were small, white and smooth, they'd be an asprin

How do you get 2 whales in a mini?

Down the M4 and over the bridge...

I'm just reading these as I wait for my dentist appointment at two-thirty

Two ants living in an airing cupboard

One of the ants went to war

Which one?

The one on the tank!

I was in asda today and some guy was running around and throw some cheese at me.
I thought that's mature

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So my housemate came out with a goodā€™un tonight and I thought Iā€™d share.

4 nuns were in a car that crashed and all of them died. Of course, they were good nuns, so ended up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St Peter was there to greet them and let them enter Heaven but he asked them to do one thing before they were allowed in. There was a font in front of them and they just had to wash any part of them that had touched a penis.
The first nun stepped forward and raised the forefinger on her left hand. ā€œIā€™m sorry St Peter, but Iā€™ve touched a penis with this finger.ā€. He replied ā€œNo problem sister, all is forgiven, wash it and you may enter heaven.ā€.
The second nun then steps forth and raises her whole right hand. ā€œIā€™m sorry St Peter, but I have touched a penis with this handā€. And St Peter forgives her and she enters heaven.
The third nun goes to step forward when the fourth grabs her habit and pulls her backwards ā€œoh no you donā€™t, me firstā€ she says. St Peter stops and asks her why the rush? The fourth nun replies ā€œwell I need to wash my mouth out before Sister 3 shoves her entire arse in thereā€.

Made me chuckle. I like a dirty nun joke.

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So what was your dream last night?
I donā€™t know. I slept through it.

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You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

Thereā€™s a more recent topic you can give a little boost too. :+1::slightly_smiling_face:

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I knew there was a joke thread and couldnā€™t find it. Didnā€™t want to create a new one so this was the best fit. Thanks @Ian_Chimp once again for your encyclopedic knowledge of the forum.

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Sex is a misdemeanorā€¦

The more you miss it the meaner you get.

Wah wah