Maybe from the most part the men that come here may be a little forward thinking. I mean the photo section alone says so much or maybe it’s just the Kink community gives enough space to be more generaly open.
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I’ve said this on the forum before,
but you are so right about that especially the anal toys,
some of our friends found ours.
there was,
a stroker,
a vibrator,
a strap-on,
some lingerie,
and a couple of men’s thongs.
Guess what ones I got mocked about for years.
And the thing was I openly talked about the stroker before they found it.
until the day I realized the one thing I wasn’t getting mocked for the was the stroker.
So now I just don’t care and if they ask I’ll just tell them.
Let’s just say no one gives me crap for any of it now
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I think it’s become acceptable for woman to talk openly about their toys and masturbation habits these days but maybe not so much for men. Women also have a much larger array of toys to choose from, although I have noticed that men’s toys are slowly catching up. There is always the stigma of toys somehow making a man “gay” especially if it’s one for anal play. Personally I think that people should be allowed to enjoy any kind of toy that feels good to them. My husband doesn’t like toys for himself at all. I’m open to trying things with him but he says he prefers to not over complicate things by introducing toys (He is fine with me using them on myself and him using them on me) I hope to change his mind one day just so we can try new things, if he’s comfortable with it.
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Couldn’t agree more more with your comment. I have also never spoken to anyone about them outside of this forum. Most definitely in Aus there is a strong stigma around them and ya mates will most certainly take the piss.
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I have thought about this and read the other replies and my honest view is that in the majority of society is that I don’t think attitudes have changed much.
I would say people are probably more comfortable buying/using male focused sex toys but with a few exceptions it is not something people talk about.
It was interesting that this topic came ups I was watching a comedy recently where someone discovered a fleshlight and mistook
it for a thermos cup. Obviously that joke only works if there is awareness of the existence of the toy. So you could argue it is
More widespread.
I find the taboo is still a hangover from years gone by.
There definitely is some hang ups, but from my experience, and please don’t shoot me down, as this is what I have noticed, when talking amongst women about toys, they laugh and joke about owning rabbits etc, but when I used to speak up about owning strokers etc, I was called a perv and they all assumed I must be into S and M etc, even though it was just about having a better wank…. The same as using a rabbit.
When talking to guys about owning toys, most thought I was using them for anal pleasure, which I wasn’t, so it came with gay connotations.
I stopped talking openly about toys in the pub as it was just too embarrassing having normal conversations about toys. Hence why I love talking on here about them.
I still have never put a toy up my backside, but everyone believes I have.
But these old fashioned taboo thoughts are the reason my wife and I have a great open sex life with each other while they all complain about their sex lives.
So to sum up, women in our group put more pressure on keeping quiet about male toys than I think is acceptable. But that may just be my group.
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Yep male circles even in the gay community can be pretty medieval at times still!
I still get a shock when I come across a gay guy who’s never used a sex toy and thinks of them as a woman’s thing or something that’s too fetish for their vanilla lifestyle cause they think it’s just giant sized dildos 
There’s been a few times I’ve proudly blown people’s minds by educating them on how modern toys are and the variety there is for men to enjoy! Even managed to convert a few into getting toys from here 
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Luke here,
personally i’d say that attitudes are changing, albeit slowly ~ maybe its down to the fact that a lot of guys think that sex toys like fleshlights and strokers etc are mainly for men “Who can’t get girlfriends or partners”
thats the opinion I come across most at work, in a workplace that is probably 80% males in my department.
I also think that a lot of it is down to “toxic masculinity” around sex and self pleasure in general for males and that a lot are probably scared to try them out of fear of being shamed for using them
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I’ve always thought that male sex toys were only marketed to guys with bigger penises; i.e.: Guys NOT like myself.
That’s just my perception. I may be totally wrong. Does anyone have any similar thoughts?
Nathan, straight, virgin, and single, 33 from Australia.
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As someone from the younger generation I think there definitely is a stigma for men’s sex toys, they’re often perceived as a negative thing within society with strokers being ‘disgusting’ and especially amongst male friend groups any anal toys are considered ‘gay’
I think the design of women’s sex toys being more discreet and minimalistic in design helps to contribute to a more accepted view of toys whereas men’s toys are often big and not discreet at all whether that be due to noise or design.
I think personally I felt a bit of shame in owning a Fleshlight as society frames men with masturbators as a negative thing and that partly led me to throw mine away. I think a lot of men may be embarrassed if someone stumbled across a Fleshlight or some anal toys.
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It would be really interesting to have the input from some of the designers you work with under the Lovehoney umbrella, and get their thoughts on the themes in the thread.
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Currently in my mid 40’s and only began using toys in my late 30’s. I’m single so my toy use is solo. I can say that toys completely changed how I view masturbation.
It all started when I decided to check out a local shop and picked up my first fleshlight and some lube. Excited I went home to try it out and was hooked as it felt so much better than just stroking with my hand. Fast forward a bit and I also decided to begin exploring anal play. Anal and prostate stimulation opened a whole new realm of pleasure and I quickly started acquiring prostate toys, massagers etc. over time, dildos have become my preferred tool for anal along with my trusty sex machine (best toy purchase I’ve made).
In regards to stigma, I don’t know. Male toys are much more mainstream nowadays thanks to Fleshlight and a few other companies. Sex podcasts have also helped forward and normalize toy use by men. This is great however I can say that I never have nor likely would discuss using sex toys to male friends. I’m not necessarily embarrassed, it’s just that discussing my masturbation habits and toy use would likely not be appropriate or well received.
I also am not sure how discussing toy use would be received by female friends or how it may be viewed in a new relationship especially my use of anal toys or a sex machine. I’m sure some women would be fine with it however I expect many may question it as to why I like it in my ass and why does this man need toys?
Not sure if this is on topic but I’ve always thought that female sex toys are better aligned to female anatomy than male toys are to men’s. It feels as though women get way more out of the toys available on the market compared to men. I’m not sure if that makes a difference to attitude and prevalence but as liberated as I am with regards to toys, nothing beats the hand really (unless you spend £££ on those crazy milking machines - but I wouldn’t know!)
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I can definitely say that my attitude has changed a lot - mainly because I am more and more aware of what is out there for us and that it is acceptable to use them! I think when I was younger, the most exciting thing seemed to be sex dolls that never really appealed but thankfully the world of LH opened my eyes! It maybe is that more specific toys are now available or just that I know about them though! I think there is maybe a greater willingness for males to experiment more though and explore things more willingly as well as we learn more about our bodies too!! I think there may be a societal shift in attitude though, not a total shift but I feel that experimenting is not necessarily a reflection of sexuality in open-minded people which helps!
My SO shared some thoughts to pass along. They suggested that women may rely on sex toys more than men because male partners can sometimes fall short of hitting the right spots… making toys feel more like a necessity than for men to orgasm. They also wondered whether men’s egos and traditional ideas of masculinity make them less likely to embrace toys, perhaps feeling that self reliance is expected, or that using one somehow diminishes or shortcuts their sense of manhood.
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I definitely think there’s a stigma around sex toys generally for men, and then even moreso around straight men using anal toys.
I would be very hesitant mentioning anything about owning or using toys to 99% of my friends. I actually wish I could talk more openly about it with friends as I find masturbation an interesting topic and I personally love it.
I have only mentioned owning a fleshlight once, and it was in the context of using it during sex with my wife to finish in, as I’ve done that before so I didn’t have to wear a condom or pull out. That friend was unfazed, but I’m not sure if it would have been the same if I mentioned I use fleshlights to masturbate daily.
Definitely believe there is still more of a stigma attached to male sex toys that female sex toys. I know I would be more embarrassed if someone saw a stroker we had accidently left out then a vibrator. Somehow weirdly I even think there is less of a stigma to use a vibrator or wand to help myself masturbation than a stroker.
Contributing factors would be;
- Old belief you masturbate because you can’t find a woman to have sex with.
- Something is wrong with you if you need something other than your hand to masturbate with. This goes with males should be able to orgasm on demand, but women are perceived to need help at times.
- Male toys are bigger and more aggressive in nature and require more cleaning after.
Not that I discuss toys etc with friends or family, but vibrators are occasionally mentioned in passing with acceptance but anything male orientated has only been in a negative manner.
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@Lovehoney_Brenna I’d love to see men talking about this in general. I would guess that they talk to each other a little bit, probably mocking / teasing each other. But, I reckon since 50 shades of grey that men probably talk a lot more about sex toys - but maybe more so to boast about what they have tried in the bedroom, rather than discussing what they like or don’t like. It would be refreshing to hear men talking about it out in the open as a real conversation without it being a stigma, whether they want to use humour or not.
We think there is a stigma still, though attitudes are changing for the positive - but slowly, perhaps?
When we were younger it was already quite common for women to own and talk about owning sex toys - openly discussing in the pub etc. There was never a similar conversation around toys for men.
We have a pretty open friendship group now and it’s more normal to acknowledge the existence of mens toys and the fact it’s perfectly normal to own sex toys - regardless of who is using them, single, couple, group etc.
Unfortunately some of the stigma - makes you gay, needed if partner can’t satisfy you etc - remains and is as nonsensical as it always has been.
I couldn’t say if our experience is representative of a broader group, but we see the positive shift overall. But a long way to go.
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Really interesting to see Lovehoney mentioned in this article on politicshome.com! This thread seems very timely given what is being proposed.
As part of the campaign, she is hoping to arrange two events before the summer recess, including one where she intends to bring sex toys into Parliament to encourage open conversation about sexual pleasure – though she is currently in conversation with parliamentary security over whether the devices will be allowed onto the estate.
I’d love to see what she takes in if she does do! You can’t get a much more public discussion of sex toys than the House of Commons, so will be interesting to see if any toys for men appear!
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