Hey All,
We wanted to start a conversation about male sex toys.
Do you think there’s a stigma around them?
If so, what do you think contributes to it? Is it social attitudes, discomfort around the subject, or that it’s not talked about openly enough?
Has your own view changed over the years at all?
We’d be really interested to hear what people think!
I’ve never spoke about my own sex toys to anyone outside of this forum really. So I’m unsure whether there is a stigma surrounding them. I think males in general are quite secretive about their sexual kinks. Most males would make a joke out of the whole situation and take the piss out of you about it.
It seems to be a normal thing women having sex toys but for a male to have one there’s definitely some stigma surrounding it.
Personally I’ve never thought anything negative about them and openly talk about it,
I have even had a few friends ask me if I own some and if they could see what they look like so I showed them what I had.
minus some of my more extreme anal toys.
This may be a generational thing. In my 20’s and 30’s there was no way I would own any type of toys for myself. And there was definate stigma attached to it. That was a woman thing. I bought my first toy for myself at 50, but only my closets friend knew about it. I do have several toys now but I bought them all on line. I’m still not comfortable going to a sex shop for myself.
I think today there isn’t the same stigma attached but for me I suppose some of that has stayed with me.
I still consider men’s attitude towards sex toys to be far behind women and our toys
I raised this years ago and many still agree men’s attitudes needs to change
I feel it’s also awkward to see men advertising sex toys as again many men consider it more gay that straight
as time moves on I think the attitude will change.. I feel in the uk men still find adult sex shops difficult to enter as the high street ones (Ann S*****s) cater primarily for women with very little for men
As as woman who is married we are confident in shops but it’s still rare
I may be in danger of over generalising but when in a group most men would probably deny even masturbating, let alone using sex toys.
I think probably the younger generation aren’t so tabbo about it, but I feel the older generation is still pretty closed up about it.
I think the main stigma in my opinion has been around anal toys for men, i’m 43 years old and i’m only now really admitting to my close friends i like my prostate massaged, so I think the land is shifting some what…..
I mean i’d never admit that 5-10 years ago, but it’s far more widley disscussed now i think
Yes I do believe so and I’d say it’s more down to social stigma and lack of knowledge, as sex toys were probably more seen for single women and if a guy had one then he obviously was gay!
I’d guess the thing most would assume sex toy to be is just a dildo?!
Also sense there’s a slight feeling that if a guy uses sex toys then it makes him less manly or has something wrong with how his penis works…even in the gay community there are men who know nothing about sex toys and thing it all a weird subject that’s for women to talk about!!!
So I think that male toys still sit in a bit of a perceived deviant space. If you were to show the general public a vibrator, clit sucker or even even a generic realistic dildo I think they would have far less of a negative reaction than many male toys like realistic masturbators and blowjob machines.
I think typically the idea of a man using a disembodied simulated vagina will provoke a more disgusted reaction than a woman using a dildo. I think this actually comes from the same place as how being two women in a relationship is seen in a more positive light than two men, which is still seen by many as being more deviant.
What doesn’t help is a lot of male sex toys have an almost aggressive and hyper masculine look to them, whereas a lot of women’s toys wouldn’t look out of place on a bookshelf and typically have ‘softer’ aesthetics and are often more gender neutral feel to them. Male sex toys until very recently seem to have been designed with the simple brief of “Stick dick in it and rub up and down. More aggressive is better!”. The design of them often feels uninspired and unimaginative, rather than offering and experience only that toy can give. I think this is overall really detrimental to attitudes around make sex toys.
The Fleshlight was arguably the first male sex toy to break into mainstream pop culture awareness… and I think the way it was positioned did lasting damage to the category. The brand leaned into humor (pun) and novelty, which may have driven early sales but also cemented a cultural perception that male pleasure products are inherently a punchline. That association - loneliness, shame, joke - has proven sticky.
Penetrative toys for men are by their nature bulkier than many comparable products marketed to women. That size carries psychological weight beyond the physical. A larger object feels like a bigger commitment - harder to hide, harder to explain, and culturally loaded in a way that a small vibrator simply isn’t.
IMO the category has a real perception problem, and I think a meaningful chunk of it could trace back to how the Fleshlight entered the cultural conversation. Undoing that framing won’t be quick.
A friend of mine says there’s two types of men in the world - masturbators and liars.
All men enjoy having a wank. Come on there’s something wrong if you don’t knock one out. I’m a proud Wanker who wanks with a dildo in the arse from time to time.
or even better, I wank when the Mrs puts a dildo in my arse, now that’s heavenly.
I think you’ve eloquently managed to unpack something that I instead just ranted lazily about! Excellent points all round there.
This!! I came he to say something very similar. The amount of guys I know that have expressed that it’s gay, especially when it comes to anal toys (and believe it or not, washing between their ass cheeks) is just mind boggling.
Flashlights and cockrings are more acceptable, but you’re likely gonna be made fun of down the pub. Pegging and you’re a “beta male.”
This is just from my circle of friends though.
I think it’s probably a combination of them all. But I do agree and think it’s slowly changing (even with the short amount of time I’ve spent on the forum).
Personally I think a lot of it comes from females being open and not embarrassed using them. I openly speech with my girly friends about them[1]
I know for a fact my OH wouldn’t mention this subject to his friends. Which is a real shame and why more males should be open about sex toys 
over lunch, on the school run or even nights out ↩︎
We’ll be doing that right after we discuss our feelings with each other…
But, it’s true men aren’t built for the conversation unless it’s on a forum such as this and even then I think it’s somewhat guarded.
I love my toys, first got an actual toy about 15years ago, but before then I experimented with cucumbers etc 
Last year I went to see a therapist for the first time and opened up to her about my sex toys, the first time telling anyone other than my partner the one time, but she didn’t like it and actually threw them out one day when I wasn’t home.
And just lately I opened up to my sister about them and she was cool.
I just feel more comfortable talking to women in general, I would never talk to a guy, even my best mate about it.
Guys gotta have some of the fun too 
And I love this forum and how open and accepting people are here.
Haha 
I didn’t think males spoke about them at all. Then I joined here - I’ll be honest, I was taken back about how open they can be, even sex in general. It certainly opened my mind a bit. Hopefully it can be translated into face to face conversations.
Maybe from the most part the men that come here may be a little forward thinking. I mean the photo section alone says so much or maybe it’s just the Kink community gives enough space to be more generaly open.