Are attitudes towards Male Sex Toys changing?

Inside Lovehoney
42

When I first started looking at introducing toys to our relationship it was very much vibrators/dildos for the wife however as time has gone on we’v started to look and experiment in male Masturbators/stroker and wow personally I wish we had started looking sooner.

When we have our friends around who we are very open woth both ways and start talking about sexual things we haven’t really spoken about male Masturbators it is always vibrators etc for the ladies.

I think there is still some kinda stigma around it and I think it’s because it isn’t as widely marketed or spoken about as female sex toys.

43

Male sex toys do have a stigma because they are often associated with negative things rather than being an option amongst others for exploring sexuality and sensations. Some of that may well be around the historic and in some cases current marketing which can feel tacky and sleazy and not in a good way.

I’ve noticed the shift in design to more neutral designs and sleek executive style presentation to go for the luxury angle. It’s also been interesting to see the monster/ fantasy themes in toys.

I’ve been impressed by recent innovations and inclusive design offering a range of sensations and options that catches up with the arguably more developed market for sex toys for women.

I agree that there is a weirdly aggressive angle to many of the newer toys where it feels the design is about speed and power rather than a more graded range if speeds / vibrations etc.

45

Definitely feel that male sex toys still feel a bit taboo still definitely not something I’ve felt is openly talked about ever amongst close friends. Male self pleasure I think is often something people feel uncomfortable going into detail about, it’s often acknowledged that men engage in self pleasure but very rare that men will talk about what that self pleasure actually looks like. As others have said it also does seem like there is an underlying stigma that owning a male sex toy either means you are unable to find a sexual partner or a kink you don’t talk about. There definitely seems to be an undue element of shame in owning them in my opinion.

2 Likes
46

I was born in the 60’s and didn’t use any sex toys until I was over 50 years old because of the stigma. However 10 years ago, because of the more widespread use of sex toys, I started using a masturbator. But I was still embarrassed so bought a Tenga egg masturbator that I could hide in my sock drawer. Eventually I had the courage to tell my wife that I used a sex toy and we bought a Fleshlight which she uses on me as well as me using it solo. I think it is much more healthy to embrace the use of sex toys especially as you get older and need a bit of help in the bedroom!

48

I’d like to see attitudes towards them change for the better.

I’ll happily admit that a few years ago I would’ve frowned upon my Husband having them. I then I thought how selfish I was being, especially as I was Masturbating with my toys in front of him & having so much pleasure doing so.

He’s bought a few different ones from Lovehoney, Thrust, Fleshlight etc. I love

To encourage him to use them when we mutually Masturbate.

3 Likes
49

I’ve changed my views on male toys and toys in general, for both myself and my OH, to a more positive attitude.

If anything, I am in search of more male toys to introduce into play often but the options are limited.

There is social stigma attached to discussing openly about male toys compared to women and their toys.

50

I personally have never had any kind of stigma towards them as I found they’re just a better version of the DIY things I made use of growing up. I was so sexually aware and active ( solo ) that the concept of objects helping me feel good wasn’t unusual. However I never spoke to anyone about what I did. There were some experimental same sex encounters which never made me question my sexuality even though I was also doing anal and (un-knowingly ) p-spot play. Again I wouldn’t speak about it. I mean, I was at a violent, all boys Catholic school.

Buying toys is another matter. The Catholic guilt and deeply embedded shame is pretty much impossible to get rid of, so even now I’d have trouble buying them in a shop and the thought of the postman recognising the obvious LH box is mortifying ( made even worse by my ND ). This forum and online shopping are such a liberation.

I think for my generation I’m probably quite openminded. Most of our friends are horrified by sex toys, especially the men. They think they’re weird and deviant. At least thats what they’ve said when they’ve somehow been brought up in conversation. I think the idea of male sex toys would be somehow worse. The impression I get is that they consider all toys to be indicative of failure and deviance. They didn’t speak in any positive tones.
We’ve never mentioned that we like them or that we have comparatively adventurous sex lives. I think they’d disown us.

I think toys have been nothing but a benefit to us. Getting older, while better than the alternative, is in many ways, shit. So much changes for the worse and it can be difficult, embarrassing or even humiliating. If toys can help then absolutely go for it. There should be no stigma, no shame and at least some should be available on the NHS.

51

I have two partners, one who openly and happily uses toys, and my husband, who rejects the idea. For my husband, the toy is like a barried between skin contact — it’s not skin to skin, and that ruins the connection for him. KInd of a shame really because I’d love to explore a toy or two with him to make our fun times even better, but I respect his choices.

52

“Do you think there’s a stigma around them?”

Yes, for many there is a stigma regarding them.

“If so, what do you think contributes to it?”

A partial list of things that contributes to it is upbringing, church/religion, personal preferences, the way a person was treated by others when they brought this topic up or said they liked and used male sex toys.

Some people are better able to stand up for themselves, so to speak, to be able to do things when others put them down for doing it, using it etc.

Some people are affected a lot by peer pressure. Many will try smoking due to pressure from friends/family while others won’t.

The topic doesn’t matter, be it male sex toys or smoking or anything else. Peer pressure exists and some are able to march to the beat of their own drum better than others are. People are different and that’s OK.

“Has your own view changed over the years at all?”

Yes, it has. As I’ve lived, aged, gained new experiences I’m much more open about so many things, this topic as well as many others.

I’m a live and let live person.

I don’t care if a person uses sex toys, if they are gay or straight, if they believe in God or not and on and on.

I just care if a person is nice, kind, polite, helpful, understanding etc.

There are good and bad Christians.

There are good and bad atheists.

There are good and bad straight people.

There are good and bad gay people.

I may not speak for others of course but I think many do change their views about many things, this topic included, as they age. As many decades pass by I’m less bothered by so many things that used to bother me a great deal. One learns what is and isn’t really important as time goes by, as they gain wisdom, new experiences etc.

I wish more people were able to agree to disagree.

53

Generally speaking, although it obviously depends on the environment, I find that there is still a significant stigma surrounding sex toys, even for women.

So yes, we talk about sex toys for women, but never for men!In my opinion, the image of the “vagina” is too prevalent, therefore men using these products are judged. The more male sex toys deviate from familiar shapes, the more likely they are to be accepted in society.

54

If you are lucky enough to still enjoy carnal adventures, why the hell not, I’m 65 and I do.