So, i dont really know if this is the place for it, and i cant find any other threads mentioning this but you guys are all lovely supportive and honest so who better to ask
So here goes, as you've probably guessed, we want to have another baby some time very soon (WOOOP!) but heres the thing, sex is now just to make a baby, the best position, the right time of the month, making sure the sperm is being shot in the right hole (Haha) and its turning in to a job. It also doesn't help that while the OH would like a baby "at some point" im desperate, to the point of tears when i come on, and my seduction method now is "Honey im ovulating" and the like. sexy huh?
I know i need to chill my beans and let it happen in its own time, but during this time we (maybe just i actually) need to have sex just for the sake of having fun again, its causing arguments, which are causing less sex which is making the chances of concieving less, and so on. its a vicious circle and all my own fault, i've turned in to a baby mad hormone fuelled nutter a lil bit and i need to sort it.
So, opinions? (be harsh if u like) have you been through the same thing? or have you been in the oh's position? xxxx
I haven't had any kids yet so I can't talk from my own experience but it sound like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and in turn your partner. You know when you are ovulating etc so it does make sense to have sex in that small window but getting stressed won't help you conceive, The optimum days a week to have sex when trying to conceive is once every 3 days. When you are both at your peaks, why not light some candles and massage each other - take it back to the romance? That way you will both be relaxed and things will happen naturally. Trying to seduce in a forced way isn't going to make either of you feel happy or sexy and there is nothing worse than arguing about sex x
We're quite the opposite. My OH has a fantasy of us having sex just to get pregnant and it gets really intense. We don't have any intention to have any children atm but it's definitely in the cards for the future.
I think you should really go back to when you both had sex for the sake of having hot mindblowing OMG sex. And well, if you haven't before- now is the perfect time to. He won't say no to that!
I think worrying and stressing over the little details in becoming pregnant may hinder you. It's best to just do what you guys do best- Have sex! And this time, without protection. =]
Also if you've used a long acting form of birth control it may be one of the reasons why it may take longer. Just a heads up if you have.
Your OH might be feeling a little used and have had the "fun" driven out of the sex bit making it feel like a chore. You've mentioned that too. Try and make it seem the opposite. How about you indulge him for atleast one night... massages, and things you know he likes etc.
Every 3 days? When we were trying we did every 2, which was great for me. It was the most frequent sex I've ever had with my wifey, with the added bonus of no condoms
Anyways...
2 months is early days yet. I wouldn't worry about the whole "best time of the month" or "best position" things, just do it regularly all through the month as best you can.
I was in your OH's position, in that when we started, I was still getting used to the idea, and definitely in no hurry. Me and Wifey are both in our mid thirties, so I assumed with coming off the pill, and our ages, it would take a while before it happened, and I was kind of annoyed when it happened pretty quickly. I think we worked out that it was just 6 weeks to concieve from when we started. Annoying for me because firstly I still didn't feel ready to become a dad, and secondly because she started to feel sick all the time, and the sex stopped completely.
Try and be a little patient with him, and do things to make sex fun. I see you've already got one little-un, so I'm guessing long sessions through the day are out, but try and do all the things you used to do like different rooms in the house and so on. The only important thing for getting pregnant is to make sure he finishes in the right place, the rest is up to you
me and the OH went through all this 3 years ago we had one girl who we concived without even trying but then 6 years later the time was right to have a little brother or sister for her. anyway the first thing i did was come off the pill that was amazing in its own way found another sex drive i did'nt know i had, the first month was out of this world. we were due to go florida so i said i would come off the pill to let it get out of my system but then try to concieve a month or 2 later so i could fly to florida and go on some rides while there didnt work like that cos i think your hormones just go crazy when off the pill and trying. we were doing it everywhere in the house i can rember coming in from work on my dinner hour and he was on the phone (working from home) anyway i just went straight over to him droped to my kness and took him in my mouth then before he could cum got on top of him (of course he had to hang the phone up said something about lost of signel even thoughit was a land line lol)
that was the first month and the second month was the same maybe not as good but when the 3rd month had come and gone and i still was not pregnant things started to get tricky between us seemed like you are saying its was just me trying when the time was right and im said to say but it got to the point i just wanted he to come inside me then finish some times never even had foreplay bit of lube and away we went.
one moring hubby said we cant carry on like this said it was getting between us which is what i thought so we decided to just take a back seat and see what happens before we knew it we were back to normal and a month later we found out i was expecting.
its going to be hard but just talk it through together and keep it real making a baby is surpose to be fun best of luck hun and hope it all works out for you
i know im putting alot of pressure on him, especially as he rather wait untill xmas and he's not completly sure sure he's ready for this. I have a 2 1/2 year old son with my x fiance and just before we split up we were trying for another, we wanted him to have a sibling of a similar age, some thing both of us never had. and now the age gap is getting bigger and bigger, i suffer from endermetriosis (and dyslexia apparently haha) which didnt effect how quickly i fell with my 1st, but it does worry me as a close friend had similar issues and it took her 13 years to get pregnant, which is scaring the crap out of me, on top of that, we're getting married in 2012 so if it hasnt happened by march we have to stop trying any way becuase i refuse to be pregnant on my wedding day!
as berry tree said, my hormones are everywhere atm thanks to coming off the pill so im a little manic about things and rather tearfull, which is not helping the situation in the slightest!
i dont want to pressure him, but i want this soooooo much and its really getting me down, my blooming dads just had a baby with his wife for goodness sake lol!
like i said just relax i belive me i know it will piss you off hearing me say that but its true and as for the age gap dont worry about that we have found it great as our oldest is 8 and the youngest is 2 now they have been asc with each other which then makes it easy for you as a couple our close friends have 2 kids with a year apart and i know from talking to hear they have no love life no time alone which no matter what people say cant be any fun
iv got 4 sisters at the mo, theres 6, 7, 9 and 21 years between me and them, and another on the way soon, so they all have at least one sibling nearer there own age and i never had that, so i say sod the hard work, no one said it would be easy, i want different for my boy lol each to there own ay. not just that, im very much a stay at home mom and i dont want to be popping one out just as the last ones in school and it be another 10years before i can get back in to work i wouldnt feel right leaving then with a childminder so i could work :/. i need a reality check lol. my poor poor man what do i ut him though xx
Age gaps are actually far less important than sex for most siblings There's just under 2 years between my younger brother and I, 4 between sister 1 and nearly 7 between the youngest and myself. The middle one was most difficult- I was 17 when she was 13 and bloody mental! The only tension between the siblings tended to involve her .
Hard to do but Try to just have sex the same way as usual (with maybe slightly less anal ) In addition to less stress they reckon orgasm increases your chances.
Age gaps are actually far less important than sex for most siblings External MediaThere's just under 2 years between my younger brother and I, 4 between sister 1 and nearly 7 between the youngest and myself. The middle one was most difficult- I was 17 when she was 13 and bloody mental! The only tension between the siblings tended to involve her External Media.
Hard to do but Try to just have sex the same way as usual (with maybe slightly less anal External Media) In addition to less stress they reckon orgasm increases your chances.
lol! im an anal virgin i shall have you know! how cheeky indeed! orgasms not an issue for me, but maybe his are lol as iv told him before, the tonsils are a long way away from the eggs!
i know im putting alot of pressure on him, especially as he rather wait untill xmas and he's not completly sure sure he's ready for this. I have a 2 1/2 year old son with my x fiance and just before we split up we were trying for another, we wanted him to have a sibling of a similar age, some thing both of us never had. and now the age gap is getting bigger and bigger, i suffer from endermetriosis (and dyslexia apparently haha) which didnt effect how quickly i fell with my 1st, but it does worry me as a close friend had similar issues and it took her 13 years to get pregnant, which is scaring the crap out of me, on top of that, we're getting married in 2012 so if it hasnt happened by march we have to stop trying any way becuase i refuse to be pregnant on my wedding day!
as berry tree said, my hormones are everywhere atm thanks to coming off the pill so im a little manic about things and rather tearfull, which is not helping the situation in the slightest!
i dont want to pressure him, but i want this soooooo much and its really getting me down, my blooming dads just had a baby with his wife for goodness sake lol!
Then I'd suggest waiting. It sounds like you need a break anyway to get back to being 'normal' again, you don't want him potentially feeling trapped or pressured, does not a good baby planning make!
If you do go ahead and continue trying perhaps an orgasm is a way to improve things as suggested by Rowan. Apparently makes things go all sucky up there.External Media
lol yes so iv heard, and as iv said orgasms are not a problem
im just worried it could end up taking a while, and at the end of the day, il be pregnant for 9months, i fail to see what a month and a bit between now and xmas is actually going to acheive, if he was wanting to wait a year maybe id understand a bit more, but its weeks! and again, just for the record, i do know im being slightly unreasonable......but either he's ready or he's not....? on one hand he's picking baby names and not using condoms, then saying he doesnt want one yet? head F**k!
lol yes so iv heard, and as iv said orgasms are not a problem External Media
im just worried it could end up taking a while, and at the end of the day, il be pregnant for 9months, i fail to see what a month and a bit between now and xmas is actually going to acheive, if he was wanting to wait a year maybe id understand a bit more, but its weeks! and again, just for the record, i do know im being slightly unreasonable......but either he's ready or he's not....? on one hand he's picking baby names and not using condoms, then saying he doesnt want one yet? head F**k!
Nothing may change in a month, it does seem unlikely but to me it demonstrates that he's not fully committed to the idea yet. Maybe you just need a good talk with him where he won't feel like he has to say yes and it's OK if he's not ready, just in case they aren't his true feelings.
thanks very much :D just for the record, its just him im not allowed to talk to about it lol, he said its getting annoying so for once il do as im told and just talk to everyone else about it haha
