Lots of cuddles and cups of tea plus affirmations they are still ok x
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I must tell him you give cups of tea, I don’t get cups of tea!
@JoCat we should protest - I don’t get tea either! Water or juice if I’m lucky 
Is it not the subs job to make the tea?
[quote=“JoCat, post:22, topic:301393”]
must
[/quote] what this is outrageous! A nice sweet cuppa tea for a chat after always warms the soul!
Water is essential to but a tea to pick up your pecker as i like to say hahaha
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Not in aftercare, it’s the Dommes job to reconnect them back to reality, a cupa tea, a cuddle whilst you chat and positive affirmations sometimes i might have some chocolate for them too but im a greedy girl and don’t like sharing that too much ha
Actually aftercare is no different from an my other aspect of bdsm in that it should be negotiated and fit what the participants need. Everyone’s aftercare needs are different, some do want a cuddle and a chat, some need quiet time, some need very little and for some the aftercare will be needed over a period of days.
Dom/mes can also need aftercare too. Although less likely to be spaced out in the same way a sub might be, there is still a headspace to come out of, physical exertion to get over, the same mental and emotional feelings of what has happened in the play and that need to reconnect with their partner after doing after potentially doing some consensual, amazingly evil things to them.
In terms of my dynamic, my sub making the tea once he is alert and capable to do so, kind of marks the end of play but that our D/s relationship continues
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Totally agree with a the dominant one needing after care to because as you said we can spend so long in the darkness we need help finding the light of the situation again x
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I think I got into it early on through porn mainly then finding a couple of partners that enjoyed it. Unfortunately don’t practice it as much as I’d like. I’m very much a dom/daddy that enjoys restraints and forced orgasms but dabbled it various roles.
Haha!! “You can be with me or against me but either way I’m cracking out the whips and cuffs”
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Friend in school was into it, and she was very into it. and she got me curious about it.
And then I just started exploring 
Just to touch up on aftercare (and particularly Dom aftercare here) yes, Doms are important and human as well. Mine likes to snuggle and know that I’m okay/he didn’t hurt me, so lots of reassurance and snuggles are good for him too. We also have a fluffy black blanket for snuggles and a snooze 
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More like “you can be with me or against me, but if you’re not willing to spank me, I’ll have to find someone who will” 
The funny thing was, his first reaction was “eww”, then he had a LOT of questions, and now he’s probably got the bug worse than I have!
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Sorry it got a bit long 
I know its got a bad name in BDSM communities but I really got interested in BDSM from the FSOG books. A girl from work recommended it and let me flick through her book and I went to the shop and bought all 3. This was when the books first came out and there wasn’t a lot of talk about them. I devoured the books and I tried to get my husband (at the time) to read them. We hadn’t had sex in a while and when we did it was so samey that it was boring. Whereas what I had just read got me so excited and I needed an outlet, he gave up after a few chapters. That really bothered me bc I was telling him what I wanted, I was giving him the literal handbook to make our sex really exciting. And he gave it up. We separated a few years later. Not entirely related, but not entirely unrelated.
Then I get a FWB and I’m telling him the things I want to try from the books and he’s into it and I’m thinking Yesssssss! Only he wants me to do the things to him, he half heartedly tried and then said he didn’t know what to do, like I knew either but I was getting so frustrated that it was hard to describe what I wanted to feel.
All the way through dating apps, other fwbs, friends I made through fabswingers and then finally my sexual partner. A reconnected friend from fab, and he wanted to know what I liked, what I wanted. He wanted to know about my blood fetish, the reasons why I felt how I felt. We had very indepth conversations, through text mind, about what we wanted, why we wanted it, what we wanted to feel and I’m having the best sex of my life and trying different things all the time. I’ve never been so in tune with another person. We’re falling into new kinks, tweaking previously fulfilled kinks, always learning, always compromising, always communicating.
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Hahaha excellent
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Keep it up! I got into BDSM in 2006 (I was Domme myself back then), told my aforementioned colleague-turned-FWB that I’m into BDSM and his first reaction was “eww”. Lots of questions later he attended his first BDSM club, by the end of 2 he was publically spanking me.
Here we are in 2023, madly in love, he’s Dom to my sub, together 17 years and married for 10 years
I run a BDSM education blog, www.tenshadesandme.co.uk, which I basically started after the FSOG books and which you are very welcome to visit . I started it because I realised that there were going to be lots of people interested in the lifestyle in the wake of the FSOG books and I said to my husband that somebody needed to start with the educational stuff for safety’s sake, and he basically said “well why not you?”, so that was me appointed
It got its name, long story short, because there are parts of Christian that are like my husband but he’s definitely not as rich or, fortunately, as messed up. Basically it was a tongue-in-cheek jab at him after the first movie because he was being all Domly (wouldn’t get on the bus, insisted we got an Uber home instead) so I started calling him Fifty Shades, then started deducting “Shades” for all of the reasons he is not like Christian (yes, I’m a brat but he likes me that way lol) and finally settling with “so that makes you about… ten shades then?”, a crime that earned me “the look”. That was it, that was how it came about, it’s now our brand
I do hope some of the information there can be of help to you
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Nice to learn a little about you, its interesting how life works out from eww to Dom.
Unfortunately we’re not allowed to share contact information on the forum, just a headsup that you’re probably best editing it or it will be edited for you. I look forward to reading your blog though 
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He doesn’t get to hear the end of his “eww”, at least not for now anyway.
Thanks for the heads up, not sure that a blog classes as contact information but I’ve played safe and edited it out. I’ll see if I can;t link it on my profile instead or something
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The blog itself is fine I think, it was more the reference to contacting you that isn’t allowed.
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Ahh I see, yet I’ve seen others here asking to/offering to DM? 
I’ll edit it out 